I wore a crop top to the gym {Instathoughts}

I wore a crop top to the gym. Maybe for some of you, it’s no big deal. But to me, wearing a shirt that exposes my midsection in public – the part of my body that I am THE MOST insecure about – is a victory.

I grew up fat. I was the chubby kid. I was made fun of for how I looked, for how much I weighed. So naturally, I wanted to show as little of my body as possible. It wasn’t until I hit puberty that I started to lose weight. But even then…and even at my leanest at my bikini competition…I can honestly tell you I’ve always FELT fat.

Fat is such a weird word, because it’s supposed to be like any other noun – like pen, bottle, shoe or phone. But when called fat, it evokes self-hatred, pity, and humiliation. In all honesty, I’ve been ashamed of my body most of my life. And to this very day, after years of practicing body positivity, there are still days I don’t like what I see in the mirror.

But today is different.

Today I wore a crop top to the gym. I chose not to care about how my stomach rolls over my pants during a crunch. I chose to not care that my muffintop squeezes at the top of my leggings in a side plank.

Instead, I CHOSE to focus on the fact that with every rep of every exercise – I AM BECOMING A STRONGER ME. A better me. A more confident me. A me who is less and less concerned about how I look, and more and more concerned about what I can do.

Anyway, there ya go. As a professional fitness instructor, even I’m still learning to be comfortable in my own skin. So don’t feel bad if you are still working on this too.

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