Avoiding the ignominy of defeat against a style of hat | World Cup Fiver

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On Sunday afternoon, England will complete stage two of their seven-step ascension to the pinnacle of international football. The Fiver’s assuming they’re going to win the Ethics World Cup, you see, having listened intently to some of the mood music that’s playing right now in the wake of their ambling around for 89 minutes like pensioners who accidentally took today’s tablets twice before bundling home a late corner against 1963 Arab Nations Cup champions Tunisia. It’s theirs, it’s in the bag, it’s coming home, they’ve done it. And not a tat in sight on the captain’s bronzed bod, either! Well done, Harry. Well done, everyone. What a man. What a glorious nation.

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