To hell with history | World Cup Fiver

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The Fiver didn’t bother watching Monday night’s football, because, well, why would you? England always start big tournaments with a disappointing draw these days, was our rationale. But look! More fool The Fiver! So well done injury-time’s Harry Kane, and well done everyone else, too, with the possible exception of naughty Kyle Walker. That last-gasp winner’s got to augur well for the rest of the month in Russia, hasn’t it? Consider: when England registered their second-best showing in the biggest show on earth, reaching the semis in 1990, they played the Republic O’Ireland in their first game, and started out with a disappointing dr … OK, but when they won the World Cup in 1966 [subs, please check] they entertained Uruguay at Wembley in the opening match, which ended in a disappointing dra … ach! Oh Harry! How could you!

Related: Harry Kane keeps his head and England find a ray of sunshine | Barney Ronay

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