Entries of the Heart Pt 2
him.
Journal entry 2:
Dear Diary,
For the first time in three years, my day has been struck by change. Every morning, I’m awoken by my alarm at 6:45 am. I then shower, brush my teeth, and eat a bowl of whole grain cereal while watching The Today Show before sitting down to write.
This morning was different.
Today, I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm, and though I lost sleep, I felt wide awake. For a moment, I wondered why. Then I remembered. When I did, I bolted upright into a world of suspense.
“I’m supposed to meet that girl. In less than two hours. Shit.”
I shot out of bed and raced through my morning routine, completely skipping over The Today Show. Once I was ready, I stood in front of the mirror, combing and recombing my hair, situating my collar, and even questioning my shoelaces. Must’ve stood there for at least 15 minutes before I said, “What the hell,” and left.
As I pulled into the parking lot at the beach, my palms were beginning to sweat. It took a minute, but I finally let myself admit that I was nervous. I didn’t know why, though. It didn’t make sense. She was just some random girl. A stranger. So why did it matter?
With weak knees and jittery hands, I went back to that same spot on the beach, then I sat in the sand, and waited. It was hard trying not to look around for her. With a pen from my pocket, I jotted down some story ideas onto a napkin to keep myself busy.
But as the tide rose, so too did the sun.
After a while, I thought, Maybe I’m supposed to meet her in the parking lot. But when I went back, she wasn’t there either.
Almost two hours had passed since I’d gotten there, and it was time for me to accept the truth. I swallowed hard then shrugged away whatever pitiful emotion I was feeling. I hated to admit it, but I’d never felt so stupid. How could I let my hopes soar over a stranger like that? Finally, I headed back to my car, refusing to let myself look for her anymore. I was about to pull out of the parking lot when something in the rearview grabbed my sight.
It was her.
~ ~
With our bare feet in the salty ocean water, we walked down the beach.
“I really am sorry,” she said. “I don’t want you thinking I was having second thoughts about coming.”
“It’s really fine. I promise. You have a big night?”
“No, I just had a bit on my mind.”
“Ah, gotcha.” I felt like she wanted to say more. I wanted to ask but felt like it was none of my business. Why did I feel so awkward? “So, are you from California?”
“No, I’m actually from Savanna. Yeah, I moved down here to live with my boyfriend about a year ago.”
“Oh, you have a boyfriend?”
“Huh? Oh, no, I’m sorry. No, we actually split up. Recently.”
“Really? After you made this life-changing transition? Oh my God. I’m sorry.” She didn’t really say much then. I could tell I’d reopened a wound. I felt like I needed to tend to it. “We don’t know each other, but if you ever need to like, vent, you can talk to me.”
I’m not sure if it was what I said, or… but she smiled a smile I hadn’t yet seen on her. Then she did that cute little motion where she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and turns to the ground with a smile.
“What?” I asked.
“What?”
“Why are you smiling?”
“I’m not. You are.”
And I was. Even though I was trying not to. I just couldn’t help it. For the first time since I was a kid, I smiled till my cheeks hurt, and it was all because of her. And even as the people arrived and the noise grew, I couldn’t hear it. All I could hear, all I could see, was her.
When the time came, I walked her back to her car. Suddenly, I was hit by such a bad case of the nerves I felt like I was going to throw up. Before I could think anymore, I said, “Can I take you on a date?”
She bit her lip. My heart stopped and I’m pretty sure I died for a second.
“I’d like that,” she said, before putting her number into my phone.
her.
Journal entry 2:
I wasn’t going to go. I thought long and hard about it all night. I thought about Daniel, and what he did. I thought about how blind I was in my quest to earn his love. It was the worst pain I’ve ever had to endure. Was I ready to potentially put myself out in the line of fire again? Would I ever be ready?
And yet, I could not get the vision of the beautiful stranger to fade from my mind. After much debate, I headed to bed. As I drifted off, the last thing I remember thinking was Take the risk or lose the chance.
Before I knew it, it was morning, and yet…where was the alarm? I rolled over and looked at the time. 9:15! I gasped. I jumped up, took the fastest shower ever, pulled my hair up in the messiest ponytail ever, threw something on, and ran out. If I looked awful yesterday, I looked abysmal today.
I pulled up to the parking lot just as he pulled away. For a split second, my heart sang at the fact that he hadn’t stood me up. Then I remembered that he was leaving because he thought I had stood him up. Defeated, I headed back to my car when, to my surprise… he came back.
~~
We walked along the ocean as I had done yesterday. I apologized again for running late, and he was extremely understanding. He asked me if I had a big night, and I let it slip that I had a bit on my mind. I wish I hadn’t said that.
“So, are you from California?” he asked.
“I’m from all over.” I replied. ” Most recently, Savannah. I moved down here with my boyfriend about a year ago.”
Why did I say that?
“Oh, you have a boyfriend?” he asked, with the sound of defeat in his voice.
“Um, no. Actually, we split up recently. I’m sorry.” I stammered.
With kindness in his eyes and sincerity in his voice, he offered to be there for me if I needed to talk. To be honest, I wanted to tell him everything right then and there. I wanted to put out there how hurt I had been, and how scared I was to ever go through anything like that again. I couldn’t bring myself to do it though. It was just way too much baggage to unload on the beautiful stranger at 11am.
Instead, I smiled, which he called me out on. We had a playful back and forth while he walked me back to my car. The day concluded with him asking me on a date. I bit my lip, and for a split-second, all I could feel was the pounding of my heart. Take the risk or lose the chance.
“I’d like that.”
Hi there 
