It's Friday, Suckers!
Hello.
Putting on my smugness cap for a moment, please allow me to foist upon you my latest entry in Reclaim, the Transportation Alternatives magazine:
As it happens, this very morning on my ride I watched someone in one of those douche-tastic Dodge Durango SRT "performance SUVs" complete with Blue Lives Matter sticker and rear windshield decal in the shape of an assault rifle with the word "Freedom" stenciled over it run a solid red light. This is of course in no way remarkable, though for the first time it occurred to me that the nice thing about Blue Lives Matter stickers is that when you see one you know there's a 100% chance the driver is going to run the light, and a 75% chance he's going to fuck with you somehow. (They should expand the stickers to say "Blue Lives Matter...But Crosswalks Don't" since that's where you'll usually find them parked.)
Speaking of my ride, it was lovely, thank you for asking:
One highlight was my artisanal lunch stop, during which a woman casually asked me to hold onto her dog while she got coffee:
On one hand, I was kind of put off by the cavalier attitude with which she approached me, as though she took it for granted that there was no way I was going to say anything but "yes." In fact, she pretty much put the leash in my hand and walked away before I'd even processed what was happening. On the other hand, I was just sitting there, and really there was no reason I couldn't hold onto the dog, so maybe I should just loosen up and be more accommodating. I dunno, I guess it's sort of the human condition to go through life wondering "Does all of humanity suck or is it just me?" As for the dog, it had little interest in me, and I don't even know anything about the dog as the owner didn't bother to introduce us properly and I was afraid to check its genitals to determine the gender. You'd think she could have at least introduced us, like "Hello, would you mind looking after my dog, Philip? He enjoys cream cheese and the smell of dirty laundry." Nope. Instead she just dumped the thing on me and we sat there awkwardly together like two patients in a gastroenterologist's waiting room.
Also noteworthy was that I saw the immediate aftermath of a really nasty car crash on Route 9 in Yonkers--so immediate that traffic was only just beginning to back up and a bystander was still in the middle of placing the 911 call. Both cars were completely destroyed, and I'd be stunned if there were no serious injuries or worse. The airbags had deployed in one vehicle, and the other vehicle appeared to predate airbags, which gave me a full view of a driver who appeared to be barely conscious. Fortunately this was in sight of a hospital, and clearly there was nothing I could do except appreciate my own good fortune, and so I continued on as the sirens began to sound behind me.
And was only just as I sat down to start typing this that I saw the latest news:
Putting on my smugness cap for a moment, please allow me to foist upon you my latest entry in Reclaim, the Transportation Alternatives magazine:
As it happens, this very morning on my ride I watched someone in one of those douche-tastic Dodge Durango SRT "performance SUVs" complete with Blue Lives Matter sticker and rear windshield decal in the shape of an assault rifle with the word "Freedom" stenciled over it run a solid red light. This is of course in no way remarkable, though for the first time it occurred to me that the nice thing about Blue Lives Matter stickers is that when you see one you know there's a 100% chance the driver is going to run the light, and a 75% chance he's going to fuck with you somehow. (They should expand the stickers to say "Blue Lives Matter...But Crosswalks Don't" since that's where you'll usually find them parked.)
Speaking of my ride, it was lovely, thank you for asking:
One highlight was my artisanal lunch stop, during which a woman casually asked me to hold onto her dog while she got coffee:
On one hand, I was kind of put off by the cavalier attitude with which she approached me, as though she took it for granted that there was no way I was going to say anything but "yes." In fact, she pretty much put the leash in my hand and walked away before I'd even processed what was happening. On the other hand, I was just sitting there, and really there was no reason I couldn't hold onto the dog, so maybe I should just loosen up and be more accommodating. I dunno, I guess it's sort of the human condition to go through life wondering "Does all of humanity suck or is it just me?" As for the dog, it had little interest in me, and I don't even know anything about the dog as the owner didn't bother to introduce us properly and I was afraid to check its genitals to determine the gender. You'd think she could have at least introduced us, like "Hello, would you mind looking after my dog, Philip? He enjoys cream cheese and the smell of dirty laundry." Nope. Instead she just dumped the thing on me and we sat there awkwardly together like two patients in a gastroenterologist's waiting room.
Also noteworthy was that I saw the immediate aftermath of a really nasty car crash on Route 9 in Yonkers--so immediate that traffic was only just beginning to back up and a bystander was still in the middle of placing the 911 call. Both cars were completely destroyed, and I'd be stunned if there were no serious injuries or worse. The airbags had deployed in one vehicle, and the other vehicle appeared to predate airbags, which gave me a full view of a driver who appeared to be barely conscious. Fortunately this was in sight of a hospital, and clearly there was nothing I could do except appreciate my own good fortune, and so I continued on as the sirens began to sound behind me.
And was only just as I sat down to start typing this that I saw the latest news:
Freedom indeed.‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens https://t.co/eXR1qR75zb pic.twitter.com/kPUGL7zAzn
— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 18, 2018
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