The Direction of “Yes”

The Direction of ‘Yes’Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

A few years ago, during the peak of the economic downturn, I was laid off from work.

Seeing that I had unemployment benefits to (slightly) contribute something on behalf of my lost income, my plan was to utilize the time off to pursue my writing.

For years, I harbored a secret desire to earn a living as a writer. However, as quickly as I would tell myself I could actually bring this vision to life, self-sabotage would inevitably chime in and respond to my encouraging voice with, “You can’t write. You don’t have anything to talk about.”

I began to write and submit articles for online spiritual and personal growth platforms.

However despite my enthusiasm, building readership, while trying to establish my writing voice under the time constraint of unemployment benefits running out, was not a recipe for instant success.

The disappointing reality was the writing income I naively anticipated I could create within a matter of months, would take longer than I thought. After having made $55.00 over the course of the year, discouragement quietly settled in underneath the weight of living expenses, bills and five mouths to feed…including my own.

Photo by Uroš Jovičić on Unsplash

With no other perceived option in sight, I decided to let go of any hopes I held for writing and I began to apply for work.

I decided I would try to find a job that was meaningful and contributed something useful to society.

I didn’t know where to search online, or which search terms to use to “find” fulfilling work.

After months of empty searching and feeling the panic of no job offers on the table, I responded by trying to make myself small.

Despite the yearning to be a part of something great, I began to apply for positions that appeared to be “within reach” of my degree. I applied to positions that paid lower than I normally would have accepted, and positions in which I held no interest.

I thought maybe, just maybe I could be happy with the right administrative job.

So many times prior to this when I have felt anxiety surrounding the outcome of a situation, I utilized my spiritual practice for a “save me please” answer. I wanted someone, something, anything to tell me what to do, to whom I should speak and what I should say.

And this time, I didn’t want anything vague. I wanted the final answer in the form of a deeply fulfilling (and immediate) job.

However, that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

This was the time to employ the spiritual practices I read so much about, and approach this situation from a completely different perspective.

I meditated to calm myself and the anxiety-ridden thoughts that propelled me.

I knew that I could either continue to do things as I always have, or take a chance on actually trusting my intuition and absorbing what the moment was trying to teach me.

Life is not always linear, pretty and clear.

Sometimes you just have to step outside of the box, especially when you realize you’re being pulled out of the box.

So, I stopped submitting my resume into the “black hole” of internet job postings. I decided to pay attention to my intuitive prompt to volunteer with an organization.

Why I felt this tremendous urge to volunteer was beyond me. It made absolutely no sense. However, the feeling was so strong that I couldn’t ignore it.

I found an organization in alignment with my spiritual interests and within two days, I was placed as a volunteer office assistant. Effective immediately.

A few months passed and I was asked to work as an assistant on a temporary basis.

This would later become my permanent full-time position, which contributed to my professional and personal growth in ways I could not have anticipated.

The position I was hired to fill was not something I would have ever chosen for myself. However, I can now see the divine plan is imperfectly perfect in that we get what we need precisely when we need it.

The professional insights I gained by working in a position that was outside of my comfort zone ushered in a level of growth I usually avoided. In previous employment, I stayed in the background and did not pursue major responsibility.

I did just enough to sleep well at night, but not enough to risk failure.

The professional encouragement I received from my immediate supervisor served to push me beyond the small perceptions I held of myself because, “What you call to you is always a reflection of what you believe should be. And every time you say who you are, your world confirms.” If I didn’t truly believe I could be more than an assistant…well, how would I ever be more than an assistant?

And if I wasn’t willing to be seen, then how could I ever be a writer?

Lastly, I acknowledged that no matter how hard I tried to make myself comfortable with remaining in an administrative position, the urge to write continuously drifted in and out of my awareness.

It simply wouldn’t go away.

Little by little, I grew comfortable with being seen and being heard, and I gently moved myself to the forefront of my own life.

In doing so, I continued to write.

Instead of listening to the voice that said, “You can’t write. You don’t have anything to talk about,” I began to listen to a different small voice within…the voice that said:

“And why not you, too?!”

The yearning to “being a part of something great”, that I could never seem to find through job boards, prompted me to see that the path unfolds as we attend to the yearning.

Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash

The vision for my life continues to call to me because it is mine to create. Even though there were certain actions I needed to take to serve other purposes, I simultaneously received what I needed. Despite everything, I continued to move in the direction of what never stopped calling to me.

Now, this fall, I will finally be the author of my first published book.

The non-linear path I have been on reminds me to not only trust the process of life, but to also remember the spiritual responsibility we all hold is to keep walking in the direction of “yes”.

The Writing Cooperative is sponsored by

Grammarly makes sure everything you type is easy to read, effective, and mistake-free. Take your writing to a new level. Try it for free!

The Direction of “Yes” was originally published in The Writing Cooperative on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.