Mr. ToadOur daughter is having a problem with one of her...

Mr. Toad

Our daughter is having a problem with one of her teachers.  He calls on her a lot and also draws attention to her by asking “Did you get this?” in front of the class.  Knowing that she’s going to be hassled, she gets nervous, then starts to cry when she’s singled out.  Yeah, she might be a little anxious.

So.  What to do about it?  Maybe nothing?  We only have two more months of school. It’s not like the teacher is beating her or anything, she just doesn’t like him.  And so is it best to have a talk with him?  With the principal?  What would change the behavior?

Color me skeptical that anything will help.  I think we could complain and it might get worse.  

So I was trying to figure out how to help  - this guy doesn’t even really have to do anything and it puts my daughter on edge.  Is there a way to change that reaction?  She’s getting upset because she’s worried about getting upset.

There are people like this in all of our lives, right?  There’s a casting director I know that puts me on edge like this; every time I go in there, I just anticipate things going wrong.  Last time I went in, I knew this and worked on changing my reaction.  I got there, took deep breathes, tried to stay positive.  As I waited to go in, I just tried to stay present and relate to people in the room.  I didn’t want to think too much, didn’t want to project ahead to what MIGHT happen when I got in.  And in this instance, I could actually hear the actor ahead of me getting read the riot act.  Usually that would be enough to fill me with dread, send me into spiraling doubt.  But this time, for whatever reason I kept my shit together and I BOOKED THE JOB.  

Okay, I didn’t book the job.  But I did keep my shit together.  That is a victory.  I didn’t change his behavior, I changed my reaction to it.

So I told my daughter:  this guy pushes your buttons, makes you sad and angry.  But can you transform that into “makes you amused?”  Like, when he’s calling on you, can you visualize him as a toad?  A toad who accidentally burps while trying to make a serious point?  Because if you can do that, you take away his power.  

Believe it or not, I have no actual degree in this stuff.  This may be a truly stupid idea.  But I hope she tries it.