Feedback Request

The author of New Beginning 1072 has provided a new attempt, in which:


"I have moved the beginning of the narrative back a bit to hopefully clear a few things up:"



The salt that gave the Blood Flats their color made them near-impossible to farm. [I would just say "impossible," unless people are farming there, in which case I would say nothing.] They also flooded with seawater on occasion, and [forcing] the small collective of which I was a part [member?] would need to migrate to the forest. [Why are the people living where they can't grow food and their homes flood with sea water? Why not live in the forest?] However, the Blood Flats did have their uses; the barrenness of the land provided excellent visibility, the priests had to walk for several days to bring us supplies, [I take back my suggestion that they live in the forest. I now recommend that the collective move to wherever it is the priests go to get the supplies.] and there were a few caves and unpolluted springs. Best of all, some of the rock could be poisonous.  [It sounds like you think you've listed uses of the Blood Flats, but nothing you've listed tells me what the flats are used for. You've simply described the flats: barren, with a few caves and springs and rocks.] [Also, some of the rocks could be poisonous? Why not say some of the rocks were poisonous?] Unfortunately, we were having difficulty getting small enough pieces to make into weapons.

We had rope, of course, [Why "of course"? I wasn't wondering if you had rope, nor was I thinking rope would be great to have on the Blood Flats.] woven from the few tough grasses that grew in the less toxic parts of the Blood Flats. It was great for mundane use, [like making rope ladders for when we had to migrate to the forest and live in tree houses,] but would not stand up long to the Dragon Warlord. Wood had a similar problem. Our only hope of defeating the Dragon warlord lay in stone, and our combined talents. [So far the only talent you've mentioned is rope weaving.]

Soon, the Dragon Warlord would need to eat. [Wait, is the Dragon Warlord a dragon? Why do they call it a warlord?] We were running out of time. [To do what? Does the Dragon Warlord eat people, or does it/he force people to provide it/him with food? ] Han, trying to pick up a boulder, collapsed. [You're running out of time, and this guy's trying to pick up a boulder? For what?] He had been using Hope to work harder than anyone else, not quite believing that the innocent-looking blue leaves could be deadly. [What blue leaves? He collapsed while trying to pick up a boulder for some reason, not while doing something with blue leaves. Unless...Is "Hope" a typo, and he was using Rope? Or is Hope a plant with blue leaves?] [Why would a person try to pick up a boulder? According to Wikipedia, in common usage, a boulder is too big to be moved by a person. They provide this photograph and caption.) 



This balancing boulder, "Balanced Rock" stands in Garden of the Gods park in Colorado Springs, Colorado. 
















Notes

If you're worried about a dragon, and you haven't yet come up with a weapon that can defeat it, I would think you'd live in the forest, not a place with great visibility.

I'm sure all my questions are answered eventually in the book, but if we can avoid inspiring so many questions in the first few paragraphs it'll be a big improvement.