A bit about depression and another answer

A long break here between answers.  Thanks for the patience.  The depression monster took over again and I honestly spent much of the month of February asleep or wanting to be asleep.  This thing comes over, and it doesn't matter how well rested I am, the only thing in the world that feels good is sleep.  Any healthy rested adult can still indulge in a nap now and then, but we usually find ourselves aware that there are other things to be done.  Pleasurable things like books to read or tv shows to watch as well as "to do" items like fixing that leaky faucet.

This sense that there ARE things to do and it IS worth it, (it's NOT pointless to do them) keeps us going.  Depression sweeps that away though.  And so, in this bout at least, I found myself aching for sleep.  The cause of this latest officially diagnosed phase of Severe Depression?  *Shrug*  I'm calling it the intersection of meds pooping out, downtime from a sinus infection, and my own lack of self direction/ self belief.  The meds make a big difference, when they work they establish a baseline of "normal" that shouldn't waver drastically regardless of the work I'm doing in therapy or the emotional challenges of daily life.  This phase of depression didn't just go away on it's own, a change in medication is the main reason I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed today.  It's up to me to use this time to continue to build the sort of life that nourishes and helps keep the depression away.  A week ago I felt very down and that things were pointless.  Today I just feel normal, not hyper and over zealous, just normal.  Normal is such a relief.

So now for another answer…

Kim asked:  Have you always felt comfortable talking about your ED? If not, what's changed, and how does it affect your overall outlook and feeling about things? How do people respond to you when you talk about it with them?

When it was decided that I needed to go to inpatient treatment it was also clear to me that I didn't want this to be a secret.  It just didn't feel right to disappear and make up some story about it.  Also, I find the more open I am about it the harder it is for those negative ED thoughts to gain power.

In my 20's I was often willing to speak about having had ED behaviors when I was a teenager.  As an adult I was so very unaware that it was still at work in my life.  When it blossomed to full force in 2008 I was willing to admit I had lost any appetite, but denied it was a problem.  I had kept the ED to myself when in any situation that would have gotten attention.  Never told a doctor or therapist.  I surprised myself when I admitted to it in the first session when I started therapy in 2008.  I wanted to deny it was a problem, that depression was my problem and not the ED.

As an individual being open about it is another way of working on being healthy.  Denying it is another way of fortifying my ED, it thrives when unrecognized.  I just made the connection writing this answer that this is why I have to be open about it.  Also, like any problem it gets worse when denied.  Not just on a personal level, but as a group too.

I wish mental illnesses weren't so stigmatized.  I also have had Severe Depression (that's the official term) for a very long time.  By blowing these issues off, discrediting, hiding, etc I've simply empowered the broken bits of my life and weakened the healthy bits.  I don't know how much of an mental health activist I'll be, but at the least I can be honest and open that these are problems I'm working through and life is better for doing so.  I hope doing so lessens the stigma for a few folks.

I think people are responding well when I mention it.  I'm still testing the waters though.  I've been spending so much time in the therapy world and am only now moving back into circulation.  I think people are most uncomfortable when I discuss medication.  Something to explore I suppose…

Everyone has been supportive or simply kept their peace this past year.  Which is fine by me.  I know in the silence there is a lot of unexpressed support and choose not to fathom the rest.

Please, if my answers don't quite fill the questions, let me know.