Why do people hate me – even though I’m always right!

A letter to my children

Mmm, yeah.

Two things in life are great to have. (Well, obviously, a lot more than two things, but we’re just concentrating on two here, ok?)

What’s the first thing? Drive. I’ve never had the kind of drive that gets you in the top 98% in school leaving exams, or shoots you to CEO of a major charitable enterprise by the age of 19 and a half. I hate those people.

That said, I do have lots. I can clean other people’s toilets, make dinner, pull out a couple of weeds in the front garden, and write 2000 words of my new thriller – ALL ON THE SAME DAY! That is pretty good. I’ve always been able to make myself do things that are important to do – like create. I don’t sit there saying ‘I wish’ and ‘if only’. Lucky, clever, fantastic me.

Which brings me to the second thing. Humility. Who cares if you’re fantastic if everyone hates you? I know you’re supposed to blow your own trumpet these days, but do it quietly – ok? Unless I’m interviewing you for a job, I don’t want to know how much greater you are than me – how much more right, much better at things, much more often, you really are. Shut the fuck up – my children – and let others be right, and great, and wonderful, at least half the time (even if they’re not).

But I don’t need to say this to you, because you already know it. You’re so much better at this whole thing than I am:)

PS: my new book Oh and That’s Another Thing: What Buddha Forgot To Say is out now. Better not read it, because you’re in it.