Results Not Typical
FRIDAY! And I'm not here, actually -- I'm out and about being romantic at the wonderful Festival of Romance! I can't wait to wear my new dress. Yes, I'm that shallow. I admit it.
Today, Irish author and blogger Catherine Ryan Howard is holding down the fort. Catherine has successfully self-published her non-fiction travel memoires, and has recently released her first novel. Known for her tell-it-like-it-is, down to earth personality, Catherine's here to bust a few self-publishing myths.
Take it away, Catherine.
Five Misconceptions About Self-Publishing
1. It's easy.
Oh yeah, sure it's easy, if by easyyou mean twelve-hour stints, week-long formatting migraines and at least onemoment per day when you feel like you're drowning in the depths of a blackabyss where no one is ever going to buy a single one of your books again...Well, maybe that last one is just me. But self-publishing is not easy – at least, it's not if you doit right. I have encountered hundreds of self-publishers since I started onthis misadventure and I can say with some authority that all the successfulones have something in common: they take it seriously. They treat it like abusiness they're starting up; they're an entrepreneur and the book is theirfirst product. And what would you expect to have to go through to get abusiness off the ground? Long hours, caffeine-induced insomnia, stress, pain,tears, blood – you get the idea. When you hear of someone uploading their book toAmazon on Friday and buying a house in cash on Saturday, read beyond theheadlines – you'll usually find via the author's blog that this "overnight"success actually took five years. As the physicist Richard Feynman reportedlysaid, "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understandquantum mechanics." Well, I definitelydon't understand quantum mechanics but I do know this: if you thinkself-publishing is easy, you aren't doing it right.
2. It's a get-rich-quick scheme.
Somehow I've managed to drag myselfaway from polishing my gold-plated Louboutins and counting my many millions towrite this paragraph... oh, wait. I'm almost 30 and I live in a bedroom thesize of a telephone box at my parents' house. Yes, we're all very proud. You can make money self-publishing but if you do a) you'll be one ofthe lucky ones and b) it'll take a lot ofhard work to get to that point. Keep in mind that every minute of every daysomeone is self-publishing their book – maybe even every second of every day.(Maybe even every nanosecond...) And howmany self-publishers can you name who have sold enough books/made enough moneyto work their way into the news? My dear point, I believe I just made you.
3. "It's Only Camping!" Syndrome or The Idea That Crap is Acceptable at 99c
Some years ago I had the misfortuneof working as a campsite courier on the south-west coast of France. Part of ourjob was to clean the customer accommodation – large tents, mobile homes andchalets for which people paid vast sums of money to stay in and pretend theywere roughing it. Whenever anyone complained about a stain on the floor or dusty window, we'd shrug and say, "What dothey expect? It's only camping!" Unfortunately, some people have adopted asimilar attitude about self-publishing. I mean, you're only charging 99c foryour novel, right? So you're hardly going to spend a couple of hundred on aprofessional design, and you're definitely not going to spend four or fivetimes that getting your book edited, copyedited and proofread, right? That'sjust crazy talk! People aren't expecting much for 99c, are they? Well, um, yes,they are – they're expecting a book.And books generally come correctly formatted, in English that makes sense andwith a cover that doesn't look like several house pet enthusiastically vomitedupon it during the production process. If your book is poop, you might wellsell a few thousand copies of it – but you won't sell anywhere near as manycopies of your second book, if you manage to sell any at all. When I hearself-publishers protesting that they "can't afford" to get the basics done, Ineed to sit on my hands to refrain from strangling them. (And I'm a niceperson, generally-speaking). If you can't afford to self-publish, don't self-publish! Skipping a professionalcover design, editing and proofreading will, in the long term, be the mostexpensive thing you ever do because it will cost you sales. It might even nipyour self-publishing career in the bud right at the start.
4. 99c e-books only sell because they're 99c.
Do you need to pay your phone bill?Well, all you have to do is sit down for a few hours, poop out (by way of yourkeyboard; keep it clean, people!) 70,000 - 100,000 words, upload it to Amazon,set the price to 99c and then sit back and wait for the phone bill money tocome a-rolling in, my friend. I mean, that's how it's done, isn't it? Upload,set at 99c, sell millions, repeat as required. Yes, somehow people have got themistaken impression that 99c equals #1 bestseller. They either express this ina derogatory way ("Well of course he's sold a gazillion books – he's onlycharging 99c for them!) or put a positive spin on it ("My novel is so greatthat people will be exploding from the joy induced by getting it for a mere99c!") but whatever way they say it, they're wrong. A low price can help sell abook, but it won't do it all by itself. To confirm this, just look up some 99cself-published novels on Amazon and check out their sales ranks. Or, publishone yourself. You'll soon find out.
5. You have to do it because all agents and editors are horned demonswho meet once a month to drink pig's blood and entertain each other withstand-up based on our worst query letters, and if there's any chairs spare theysell tickets to Amazon, chain bookstores, Apple, etc.
There are many different reasons toself-publish. I self-published because I had a book that didn't have anexisting market, but I was able to make one; it's the kind of book that even ifit was traditionally published today wouldn't do well on the shelves, but I'vesold over eight thousand copies of it. Talli is self-publishing her next bookbecause she's recognised that she has the ability to replicate the success ofher previous books on her own, and so doesn't need the traditional model for itto do well. My blogging friend Roz Morris self-published one of my favouritewriting books, Nail Your Novel,because it was too short to be a traditionally published book. I think thesereasons reflect that we're smart, bright, organised women who know a thing orthirty-six about selling our own books, and are as hard-working as we arerealistic. (Ladies, you can pop those fivers in the post now...) We make, if Imay so and I think I will, very good self-publishers. But if you're gettinginto this because you can heat your house for winter by burning your rejectionletters, or because you've taken a business decision personally, or because andat least three literary agents have a restraining order out against you and youwant to SHOW THEM ALL, you're not going to succeed. Spite doesn't sell books,and bitterness doesn't make me want to read your blog. Plus, you scare me abit. So stop wasting your energy hating on an industry staffed by lovely peoplewho love books (just not yours – oooh,burn!) and put it into being a good self-publisher instead. Simples.
About Catherine:
Catherine Ryan Howard is a 29-year-old writer, blogger and enthusiasticcoffee-drinker. She currently lives in Cork, Ireland, where she divides hertime between her desk and the sofa. She blogs at www.catherineryanhoward.com.
About Results Not Typical:
The Devil Wears Prada meets Weightwatchers and chick-lit meets corporatesatire in the debut novel from Catherine Ryan Howard, author of the bestsellingmemoir Mousetrapped: A Year and A Bit inOrlando, Florida. Through their Ultimate Weight Loss Diet Solution ZoneSystem, Slimmit International Global Incorporated claim they're making theworld a more attractive place one fatty at a time. Their slogans "Where You'reFat and We Know It!" and "Where the Fat IS Your Fault!" are recognised aroundthe globe, the counter in the lobby says five million slimmed and their shareprice is as high as their energy levels. But today the theft of their latestrevolutionary product, Lipid Loser, will threaten to expose the real secretbehind Slimmit's success...The race is on to retrieve Lipid Loser and saveSlimmit from total disaster. If their secrets get out, their competitors willput them out of business. If the government finds out, they'll all go to jail.And if their clients find out… Well, as Slimmit's Slimming Specialists know alltoo well, there's only one thing worse than a hungry, sugar-crazed, carb addict– and that's an angry one. Will the secret behind Slimmit's success survive theday, or will their long-suffering slimmers finally discover the truth?Available now in paperback and e-book editions. Buy from Amazon UK or Amazon.com .
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Today, Irish author and blogger Catherine Ryan Howard is holding down the fort. Catherine has successfully self-published her non-fiction travel memoires, and has recently released her first novel. Known for her tell-it-like-it-is, down to earth personality, Catherine's here to bust a few self-publishing myths.
Take it away, Catherine.
Five Misconceptions About Self-Publishing
1. It's easy.Oh yeah, sure it's easy, if by easyyou mean twelve-hour stints, week-long formatting migraines and at least onemoment per day when you feel like you're drowning in the depths of a blackabyss where no one is ever going to buy a single one of your books again...Well, maybe that last one is just me. But self-publishing is not easy – at least, it's not if you doit right. I have encountered hundreds of self-publishers since I started onthis misadventure and I can say with some authority that all the successfulones have something in common: they take it seriously. They treat it like abusiness they're starting up; they're an entrepreneur and the book is theirfirst product. And what would you expect to have to go through to get abusiness off the ground? Long hours, caffeine-induced insomnia, stress, pain,tears, blood – you get the idea. When you hear of someone uploading their book toAmazon on Friday and buying a house in cash on Saturday, read beyond theheadlines – you'll usually find via the author's blog that this "overnight"success actually took five years. As the physicist Richard Feynman reportedlysaid, "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understandquantum mechanics." Well, I definitelydon't understand quantum mechanics but I do know this: if you thinkself-publishing is easy, you aren't doing it right.
2. It's a get-rich-quick scheme.
Somehow I've managed to drag myselfaway from polishing my gold-plated Louboutins and counting my many millions towrite this paragraph... oh, wait. I'm almost 30 and I live in a bedroom thesize of a telephone box at my parents' house. Yes, we're all very proud. You can make money self-publishing but if you do a) you'll be one ofthe lucky ones and b) it'll take a lot ofhard work to get to that point. Keep in mind that every minute of every daysomeone is self-publishing their book – maybe even every second of every day.(Maybe even every nanosecond...) And howmany self-publishers can you name who have sold enough books/made enough moneyto work their way into the news? My dear point, I believe I just made you.
3. "It's Only Camping!" Syndrome or The Idea That Crap is Acceptable at 99c
Some years ago I had the misfortuneof working as a campsite courier on the south-west coast of France. Part of ourjob was to clean the customer accommodation – large tents, mobile homes andchalets for which people paid vast sums of money to stay in and pretend theywere roughing it. Whenever anyone complained about a stain on the floor or dusty window, we'd shrug and say, "What dothey expect? It's only camping!" Unfortunately, some people have adopted asimilar attitude about self-publishing. I mean, you're only charging 99c foryour novel, right? So you're hardly going to spend a couple of hundred on aprofessional design, and you're definitely not going to spend four or fivetimes that getting your book edited, copyedited and proofread, right? That'sjust crazy talk! People aren't expecting much for 99c, are they? Well, um, yes,they are – they're expecting a book.And books generally come correctly formatted, in English that makes sense andwith a cover that doesn't look like several house pet enthusiastically vomitedupon it during the production process. If your book is poop, you might wellsell a few thousand copies of it – but you won't sell anywhere near as manycopies of your second book, if you manage to sell any at all. When I hearself-publishers protesting that they "can't afford" to get the basics done, Ineed to sit on my hands to refrain from strangling them. (And I'm a niceperson, generally-speaking). If you can't afford to self-publish, don't self-publish! Skipping a professionalcover design, editing and proofreading will, in the long term, be the mostexpensive thing you ever do because it will cost you sales. It might even nipyour self-publishing career in the bud right at the start.
4. 99c e-books only sell because they're 99c.
Do you need to pay your phone bill?Well, all you have to do is sit down for a few hours, poop out (by way of yourkeyboard; keep it clean, people!) 70,000 - 100,000 words, upload it to Amazon,set the price to 99c and then sit back and wait for the phone bill money tocome a-rolling in, my friend. I mean, that's how it's done, isn't it? Upload,set at 99c, sell millions, repeat as required. Yes, somehow people have got themistaken impression that 99c equals #1 bestseller. They either express this ina derogatory way ("Well of course he's sold a gazillion books – he's onlycharging 99c for them!) or put a positive spin on it ("My novel is so greatthat people will be exploding from the joy induced by getting it for a mere99c!") but whatever way they say it, they're wrong. A low price can help sell abook, but it won't do it all by itself. To confirm this, just look up some 99cself-published novels on Amazon and check out their sales ranks. Or, publishone yourself. You'll soon find out.
5. You have to do it because all agents and editors are horned demonswho meet once a month to drink pig's blood and entertain each other withstand-up based on our worst query letters, and if there's any chairs spare theysell tickets to Amazon, chain bookstores, Apple, etc.
There are many different reasons toself-publish. I self-published because I had a book that didn't have anexisting market, but I was able to make one; it's the kind of book that even ifit was traditionally published today wouldn't do well on the shelves, but I'vesold over eight thousand copies of it. Talli is self-publishing her next bookbecause she's recognised that she has the ability to replicate the success ofher previous books on her own, and so doesn't need the traditional model for itto do well. My blogging friend Roz Morris self-published one of my favouritewriting books, Nail Your Novel,because it was too short to be a traditionally published book. I think thesereasons reflect that we're smart, bright, organised women who know a thing orthirty-six about selling our own books, and are as hard-working as we arerealistic. (Ladies, you can pop those fivers in the post now...) We make, if Imay so and I think I will, very good self-publishers. But if you're gettinginto this because you can heat your house for winter by burning your rejectionletters, or because you've taken a business decision personally, or because andat least three literary agents have a restraining order out against you and youwant to SHOW THEM ALL, you're not going to succeed. Spite doesn't sell books,and bitterness doesn't make me want to read your blog. Plus, you scare me abit. So stop wasting your energy hating on an industry staffed by lovely peoplewho love books (just not yours – oooh,burn!) and put it into being a good self-publisher instead. Simples.
About Catherine:
Catherine Ryan Howard is a 29-year-old writer, blogger and enthusiasticcoffee-drinker. She currently lives in Cork, Ireland, where she divides hertime between her desk and the sofa. She blogs at www.catherineryanhoward.com.
About Results Not Typical:
The Devil Wears Prada meets Weightwatchers and chick-lit meets corporatesatire in the debut novel from Catherine Ryan Howard, author of the bestsellingmemoir Mousetrapped: A Year and A Bit inOrlando, Florida. Through their Ultimate Weight Loss Diet Solution ZoneSystem, Slimmit International Global Incorporated claim they're making theworld a more attractive place one fatty at a time. Their slogans "Where You'reFat and We Know It!" and "Where the Fat IS Your Fault!" are recognised aroundthe globe, the counter in the lobby says five million slimmed and their shareprice is as high as their energy levels. But today the theft of their latestrevolutionary product, Lipid Loser, will threaten to expose the real secretbehind Slimmit's success...The race is on to retrieve Lipid Loser and saveSlimmit from total disaster. If their secrets get out, their competitors willput them out of business. If the government finds out, they'll all go to jail.And if their clients find out… Well, as Slimmit's Slimming Specialists know alltoo well, there's only one thing worse than a hungry, sugar-crazed, carb addict– and that's an angry one. Will the secret behind Slimmit's success survive theday, or will their long-suffering slimmers finally discover the truth?Available now in paperback and e-book editions. Buy from Amazon UK or Amazon.com .
Have a great weekend, everyone!
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