Things are getting better

Things aren't so bad right now. It helps to remember that there have been far more difficult times in my life than this - pretty much all of it, in fact.

Ages 3-17, living with my violent and abusive dad and my mum who pretended his behaviour was normal, and being bullied severely throughout school.
Ages 18-23, depressed and struggling to work out why I couldn't accept love.
Age 24, pregnant by an abusive boyfriend, whose violence led to me having an abortion.
Ages 25-26, suicidal, extremely anxious and claustrophobic as a result.
Ages 27-28, starting to succeed but each day marred by OCD.
Ages 29-33, having a major nervous breakdown while pregnant, then struggling with severe mental illness. On three pharmaceutical drugs for life.
Ages 34-35, finding it hard as an unemployed single mother.

Compared to those times, I'm in a really good way right now. I have a beautiful daughter, who is now at school so that makes life easier (in terms of not having to pay for childcare).

I have a fantastic writing job, fun colleagues, a great friend, some good not-so-close friends, and lots of people looking out for me online. I like where I live, though it is a bit dodgy and I feel like an old person when I moan about the amount of litter. (There is a lot of litter. Most of it seems to be cigarette butts, fried chicken boxes and the odd fly-tipped mattress, covered in stains.)

Yes, I've lost my husband, who was also my best friend, and that sucks. I don't make friends easily. I find it really tough to relate to people who have had easy lives, and I imagine they find it difficult to relate to me too.

But life goes on, and life is incredible, and I'm very lucky. I just have to remember that.