Owning / Re-defining words in the feminist new age
Let's talk about all those words assigned purely to the female of the species with negative connotations. You know the ones I mean - bitch, harpy, hormonal, sassy, feisty, snappish, ditzy, cranky etc etc.
Hey, I can be all of those and ten other descriptive words two minutes prior to my first cup of coffee in the morning.
Only in the last few years have I felt women have begun to step out from under the burden of these stereotypical descriptives and either own them or re-define them.
Bitch - I think we still have a way to go on this word. But more and more there is a lingering idea that a bitch takes charge, says what she likes and gets things done. It isn't all negative all the time.
Just like it is hard to be a bitch twenty-four/seven. Women are multi-faceted and I think we need to remember that.
Just like we need to channel our inner bitch for good, not evil. Not for bringing people down. But for standing up for ourselves and others. Refusing to back down when we know we are right. When we see an injustice. If I get labelled a bitch just for speaking up, just for speaking my mind - then I will wear that label proudly.
Sassy - I often note that female comedians are labelled sassy. As if that is a compliment. For me - to sass someone is generally to talk back to your betters/elders. So yes, I have a problem with sassy, as a label I find it a little demeaning for grown women to be associated with child like behaviour.
I'm going to have to work harder on re-defining this word.
Ditzy - ever hear of a man being labelled a ditz? Me neither.
To be fair, I have been known to have the occasional brain fart. My brain, mouth and or limbs don't always co-ordinate in perfect harmony.
But for some reason women and their level of intelligence is deemed a marker in our society. Not enough we have to be a size 0, a loving wife, an organised mother, a wise friend, a pillar in the community - now if you don't at least have a degree in theoretical physics ( which of course you never use because you are too damn busy recycling and chauffeuring the kids around) you get slapped with the ditz label.
This one needs to go - there's no hope of re-defining.
Snappish/Cranky - look, we are adult women, I refuse to allow any label that is more appropriate for a toddler to be slapped on me. You want to see snappish, just go ahead an accuse me of being it, and we'll see how far it gets you.
Which brings me to the word - Shrew. Not a word you hear a lot of lately. Shakespeare used it to define the lead in one of his plays (interesting to note that the role would have been played by a male in drag originally - oops, tangent) I'm not sure if you know the play - The Taming of the Shrew - the lead female was acknowledged as mouthy, and smart but what really set the cat amongst the pigeons was that she didn't listen to every male opinion, nor did she feel the need for a man in her life to complete her.
Yeah, yeah, love wins out and the arrogant male lead 'tames' her - but for how long, seriously? Once the curtain came down I give it two days before she kicked him to the curb for being a know-it-all idiot.
Shrew, might be a hot button word for some. But to me, Shrew is just another word the male of the species uses to label any woman who is strong, speaks her mind, is independent and doesn't pine for a man/kids to complete her (she'll get around to him on her terms, when she is good and ready)
I even identified one of my heroines as being a Shrew (book 7) but I think I made it clear that Devon, my h, could have cared less what people thought of her. She was funny, snarly, bitchy, loyal, loving, thoughtful, and independent. And yes, I labelled her a Shrew - but I think she owned the title - and didn't let the title own her.
Labels are inevitable - but it's up to each of us to own them or re-define them according to who we are and what we want out of life. Those labels, those words, they are only as negative, or as positive as we allow them to be. We are the ones who give them power - so use that power wisely - my sage, gorgeous and wonderful friends.
Happy reading
Hey, I can be all of those and ten other descriptive words two minutes prior to my first cup of coffee in the morning.
Only in the last few years have I felt women have begun to step out from under the burden of these stereotypical descriptives and either own them or re-define them.
Bitch - I think we still have a way to go on this word. But more and more there is a lingering idea that a bitch takes charge, says what she likes and gets things done. It isn't all negative all the time.
Just like it is hard to be a bitch twenty-four/seven. Women are multi-faceted and I think we need to remember that.
Just like we need to channel our inner bitch for good, not evil. Not for bringing people down. But for standing up for ourselves and others. Refusing to back down when we know we are right. When we see an injustice. If I get labelled a bitch just for speaking up, just for speaking my mind - then I will wear that label proudly.
Sassy - I often note that female comedians are labelled sassy. As if that is a compliment. For me - to sass someone is generally to talk back to your betters/elders. So yes, I have a problem with sassy, as a label I find it a little demeaning for grown women to be associated with child like behaviour.
I'm going to have to work harder on re-defining this word.
Ditzy - ever hear of a man being labelled a ditz? Me neither.
To be fair, I have been known to have the occasional brain fart. My brain, mouth and or limbs don't always co-ordinate in perfect harmony.
But for some reason women and their level of intelligence is deemed a marker in our society. Not enough we have to be a size 0, a loving wife, an organised mother, a wise friend, a pillar in the community - now if you don't at least have a degree in theoretical physics ( which of course you never use because you are too damn busy recycling and chauffeuring the kids around) you get slapped with the ditz label.
This one needs to go - there's no hope of re-defining.
Snappish/Cranky - look, we are adult women, I refuse to allow any label that is more appropriate for a toddler to be slapped on me. You want to see snappish, just go ahead an accuse me of being it, and we'll see how far it gets you.
Which brings me to the word - Shrew. Not a word you hear a lot of lately. Shakespeare used it to define the lead in one of his plays (interesting to note that the role would have been played by a male in drag originally - oops, tangent) I'm not sure if you know the play - The Taming of the Shrew - the lead female was acknowledged as mouthy, and smart but what really set the cat amongst the pigeons was that she didn't listen to every male opinion, nor did she feel the need for a man in her life to complete her.
Yeah, yeah, love wins out and the arrogant male lead 'tames' her - but for how long, seriously? Once the curtain came down I give it two days before she kicked him to the curb for being a know-it-all idiot.
Shrew, might be a hot button word for some. But to me, Shrew is just another word the male of the species uses to label any woman who is strong, speaks her mind, is independent and doesn't pine for a man/kids to complete her (she'll get around to him on her terms, when she is good and ready)
I even identified one of my heroines as being a Shrew (book 7) but I think I made it clear that Devon, my h, could have cared less what people thought of her. She was funny, snarly, bitchy, loyal, loving, thoughtful, and independent. And yes, I labelled her a Shrew - but I think she owned the title - and didn't let the title own her.
Labels are inevitable - but it's up to each of us to own them or re-define them according to who we are and what we want out of life. Those labels, those words, they are only as negative, or as positive as we allow them to be. We are the ones who give them power - so use that power wisely - my sage, gorgeous and wonderful friends.
Happy reading
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Pet wrote: "Don’t you love the way the world is changing? I know I do. I love that the things we have bitten our tongue over and forced ourselves to snarl under our breaths to avoid being labelled hysterical a..."Totally agree - I have a similar problem with romance novels when the Hero knows all the rules regarding the world/society/pack - but doesn't see fit to explain/share them with the heroine - then has to 'punish' her when she makes a transgression. It makes me angry and I often just throw the book on my dnf pile in frustration.
I love romance books, I always have, and yet so many of them leave me ashamed of that love, because too many of the characters in those books act in ways that make me think we’ve stepped back 100 years and everything our grandmothers, mothers and sisters have fought for are being torn away by authors that love using words like Tame, Obey, and Permit.
Those are words that should never ever be part of a relationship, a woman is not a wild animal that needs to be tamed, brought to heel, made to behave, taught to submit. I’m sorry I get it some women think that it’s sexy and I’m all for that sort of rubbish to be in Erotica, but I loath reading it in romance.
We don’t have to obey anyone but our own conscience and the law, certainly no man no matter what his reasons has the right to demand a woman obey him simply because he is a man, again she’s not a puppy, she has a brain, she has a will that is just as important as the penis populace.
And last but not least permit, he will permit her to do xyz, she will ask his permission, ??? Ummm yeah no, last man that had the right to permit me a damn thing was my Daddy, and even he gave up that shit when I hit puberty. He suggested, he advised and often he strongly insisted, but I’m a thinking responsible being, the only peoples permission I need with regards to my own life are officials controlling official things.
Love your post as always!!