Don't Ask, Don't Ask

Wednesday's Writing on Writing

I used to make most of my living as a writer penning as-told-to-autobiographies of famous people. Early on in my season of working with people in demand, I established a policy: I would not ask them for anything other than what the publisher was paying them for.

They had already committed to giving me large blocks of uninterrupted time for interviews, and also shadowing time, when I just hung in the background  and watched them interact with their families, teammates, the press, and colleagues. This helped me catch their natural voice, which was often different from their interview voice. (Above, with Stephen Baldwin after we'd worked together on a film.)

I noticed that almost all the other people in their lives had an agenda, something they wanted. People hinted at what they wanted, or came right out and asked for pictures, pennants, autographs, tickets, or even to have the celeb call a relative and wish him happy birthday. I decided I would not do that, and to my surprise, they noticed and appreciated it.

I asked for only their time, for which they were being handsomely paid, but I did not otherwise have my hand out, asking for or expecting anything. That helped when friends asked me to ask them for such things. I'd say, "You know what? I don't even ask for those things for myself or my sons."

In almost every instance, at some point the person himself  or a manager or agent would contact me and say, "I noticed you didn't ask for anything. Can we send you some pictures for your kids? Would you like a few tickets to a game?" Now it was time to gratefully accept. The last thing I wanted was to leave a memory of myself as just another

moocher.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, I recommend the don't ask, don't ask policy.

(Left, with former Washington Redskins coach and now NASCAR owner Joe Gibbs, while working together on a book.)