The Fiver | Somebody make that man foreign secretary, and quick

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As the few of you who didn’t send Thursday’s edition straight to trash will remember, The Fiver has pinned its colours to the mast regarding the 2018 World Cup. We’d like to see Russia win, purely so we can witness the blood draining from Boris Johnson’s grid. Petty? Childish? Pathetic? Well, yeah, but you’ll have to sue us if you don’t like it. Having said all that, we’re slowly coming round to the idea of England doing quite well too. An honourable quarter-final exit, maybe, enough to earn the team a bittersweet parade at Luton airport when they get back home, thousands of cheering fans, brass band, ticker tape, warm lager, plastic bre@sts and belly, a fag on, the lot. Summertime, and the livin’ will be easy.

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