It's Not Easy Being Green.

Happy Thursday!  This week we learn a wee bit about the history of St. Patrick's day from that lucky charmer, narrator Dorian Bane. Here's wishing for a safe and happy holiday weekend. In the tradition of an Irish blessing, may the best day of your past be the worst day of your future!
______________________________Hello again!
It would seem that writing for a blog in general is a pretty straightforward exercise, that being said, I have been having a tough time coming up with topics for mine. (This is nothing new. I tend to be indecisive at best.) After wracking my brain attempting to come up with a viable topic for my post this month, I found myself at a bit of a loss. Finally, I struck on something, And by that I mean that I had an inspiring talk with friend and fellow Falcon Sound Company narrator, Rayna Cole.
After being briefly exposed to my whining about writers block and struggling to pick a topic, she very matter of factly, says “Its March and you're Irish…” and BAM! Just like that my problem was solved by a less indecisive person rolling a fun topic right into my lap. Thank you for the save Rayna! So, with March in full swing and St. Patrick’s Day fast approaching, I thought I might help to sort through the blarney and share a bit of Irish history.

Before I really get into the meat of this, I would like to clarify something to avoid confusion. I am, of course, an American first and can only claim Irish heritage.I am a classic American mutt, born of the vastly diverse melting pot that is our country. That being said I am proud of my family’s Irish ancestry and celebrate it daily. I have the honor of riding with an Irish heritage Motorcycle Club here in Ohio, and enjoy Irish history as part of that heritage. I am also not religious in any way, but this post will have quite a bit to do with religion, since Patrick was a saint and all.
So, where do we start? I would say it is best that we begin with Patrick himself and why St. Patrick’s Day, (referred to from here on as “St.Paddy’s Day”, as that is infinitely more Irish!) is even a thing.
Contrary to popular belief, St. Paddy’s Day is not actually about doing Irish car bomb shots and drinking green beer till your liver hurts. (Though I have been known to do both of those things on occasion). It is the day that marks the death of St. Patrick and is traditionally marked by an annual feast, But what exactly is being celebrated? And why is this Patrick guy a saint anyway?
Well, to answer those questions, we have to take a trip back to approximately 401 A.D. when a large fleet of Irish coracles (boats) moved up the western coast of Britain, seizing young prisoners by the thousands. One of these prisoners was a sixteen-year-old boy named Patricius. Patricius was a middle class, Romanized Briton who had a shot at a classical education and solid career track within the Roman Empire...until the Celt raiding parties changed all that.


Upon being captured, Patricius and the others were taken to a slave market in Ireland and sold.
Patricius found himself sold to a local “king” named Miliucc, who ruled over some hills in the Irish district of Antrim. Here he finds himself, “chastened exceedingly and humbled in truth by hunger and nakedness and that daily,” and begins to work as a shepherd-slave.His work as a shepherd was arduous and meant spending months at a time isolated and alone in the hills with only the companionship of hunger, nakedness and sheep. 
(No, I am not making a bestiality joke, just saying the dude was not in a good way socially and wasn't exactly equipped to be out in the elements.)  Even though he'd never been a religious man, Patricius did what many do in times of hardship, he began to pray.


“I would pray constantly during the daylight hours. The love of God and the fear of him surrounded me more and more- and faith grew and the Spirit was roused, so that in one day I would say as many as a hundred prayers and after dark nearly as many again’’
After enduring six years of shepherding in isolation and contending with the elements, Patricius had transformed from a scared and lonesome slave boy into an unlikely holy man. On the last night of his servitude as a slave, Patricius apparently had his first otherworldly experience. A voice said to him: “Your hungers are rewarded: you are going home. Look, your ship is ready.”
Now the farm that he worked on was pretty far inland, But as you may guess he followed this voice’s instructions, believing it to be God, and proceeded to walk approximately two hundred miles to find “his ship”. At first he was turned away, But then allowed to board by the Captain and crew of a ship laden with a cargo of Irish hounds. Apparently the sailors even offered their nipples to be sucked. (I know that sounds weird, But it was kind of like a trust thing, like our saying “kiss and make up”. I could have left it out, But it is Cafe Risque after all.) Patricius of course declined the nipple sucking for “fear of God”, But they accepted him aboard anyway.
There are a few stories of his time with the sailors that point to his rising sainthood, but for now we will skip ahead. After a few more years Patricius finally makes it home to Britain. His family welcomes him back and beg him to never leave them again. By this time though, Patricius was no longer a Roman teenager and had been hardened by experiences that others around him could scarcely imagine. Add to this the fact that he has missed out on his formal education and it is understandable that he would be restless in what is now a strange and foreign place to him. Patricius had essentially, become Irish.
Soon after, he is visited in a vision by Victoricus, a man he knew in Ireland, holding “countless letters”, handing one to Patricius. The heading read “VOX HIBERIONACUM,” the Voice of the Irish. During this vision it is said that he heard the voice of a multitude, begging him to return to Ireland. This was then reinforced by the voice he had come to believe was God.
Not long after this dream, he leaves and follows the voices to Gaul and ends up at the steps of an island monastery. There he petitions for a theological education and is eventually ordained priest and then bishop. It was here that Patricius became Patrick. Patrick then returned to Ireland in the year 432 A.D. teaching his gospel blended with the teachings of the Celtic Druids, aiding others and speaking out against slavery at every turn. He set about these works fervently over the next twenty-nine years of his life, spreading his good works throughout Ireland.

By the time of Patrick’s death in 461 A.D. his sainthood had been assured, and the peoples of Ireland honored his life and work with an annual feast and celebration. That is how a Roman Britain who became a Celtic king’s slave found himself changed by the land, peoples and experiences of an Irish life among barbarians, and, after escaping, returned to them a holy man able to blend Christianity and Druidic teachings, settled the Celts down a bit and became a saint in the process.
So there is your history lesson for the month I guess. I went on a bit longer than intended, But I certainly didn’t want to leave too much out. I would like to credit author Thomas Cahill, whose book, “How The Irish Saved Civilization,” was unfathomably helpful in writing this post, along with other research I have done for myself. I would certainly recommend it to anyone who has an interest in Irish history, culture or folklore.
I hope you all have a happy and safe St. Paddy’s Day and whether you choose to go out this year for St. Paddy’s Day or decide to stay in and get sloshed at home, remember that it is all thanks to a naked slave boy who heard voices and refused to suck the nipples of sailors for fear of God. Lol. Slainte! Drink one for me! :)
Till next time…

Dorian Bane



Find Dorian Bane and Falcon Sound Company on Facebook, or at www.falconsoundcompany.com



And, check out Dorian's latest narration, "Free Falling," by SE Jakes.