How To Write Women

Women are enigmatic, as everyone knows. Writers throughout the ages have sought to capture their elusive allure, be it Shakespeare or Martin Amis. Why not walk in the footsteps of genii and employ these evergreen conventions?

Dress To Impress

A women's outfit speaks volumes about her personality and backstory. She isn't wearing those tailored jeans because they were the last clean thing before laundry day. Each accessory, however minor, is a code the protagonist has to crack.

Hats and scarves are a must, to accentuate her flowing tresses (see below). Jewellery too - it highlights her femininity, and if she has a habit of toying with her necklace or bangles, it's adorable. Dresses and skirts are preferable, although trousers are a convenient way to signify how unaware she is of her remarkable beauty.

And if she wears a cashmere sweater in a striking colour - say, pea green or mauve - you will fall in love with her instantly.

The Body Beautiful

If the average body is a temple, your female lead's is the Taj Mahal. She is ideally average height, so the protagonist doesn't throw his back out draping an arm around her, and his masculinity is unthreatened. If she is unusually tall, use descriptors such as "Amazonian" and "statuesque," but make it clear she is still considered attractive despite this unfortunate departure from the norm.

Her figure is extremely important, and must always be displayed to its best advantage. Skinny women are passé - in order to make her appeal to your typical female reader, make her voluptuous, curvaceous and buxom. In other words, a size 10.

Her breasts are also a crucial piece of characterisation. There is nothing erotic about non existent breasts, you're writing about a fully grown woman, but nor do you wish to alienate with outsize dirigibles. Give her "average but perfectly formed" breasts that she thinks about often, to reinforce that you really walk in the shoes of your characters. Her sweaters cling to them, your protagonist brings them to life with his skilful caresses. They must be glimpsed in a mirror at least once.

Her Crowning Glory

Selecting your heroine's hair colour and type is one of the most critical choices you will ever make. How else can you bring a female character to life?

Blondes have fallen out of favour, although it still betokens a wide eyed ingenue or (if dyed) a woman of negotiable virtue. If you want to show that a female character has intelligence and depth, make her a brunette. Red hair has enjoyed a surge in popularity in recent years, although it's best reserved for wacky first loves who play the banjo.

Her hair should be almost another character, telegraphing her moods. It billows behind her, falls into her eyes, gets tangled during the passionate lovemaking in Chapters 7, 8 and 9. If she has a hair cut, this should be treated as a matter of great moment. How will the protagonist even recognise her without her sun kissed locks?

Personality

You should show occasional flashes of character and interests - she's a struggling artist, she loves cats, she's teaching herself Spanish - but ultimately she is there to love, support and nurture the hero. When she isn't hounding him or breaking his heart.

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Better still, ask a woman.
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Published on March 15, 2018 10:56
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