Feedback Request

The author of the book featured in Face-Lift 1360 would like feedback on the following revision:


Dear Mr. Evil Editor:


Twenty-eight-year-old Verity Hearst fears she'll never meet a man who will accept her dark secret. But solitude isn't so bad, not with a loaded Springfield 1911-A1 pistol and a warm cup of tea to keep her company. She has killed over eighty criminals as one of the world's elite assassins, [Is a pistol the best weapon for a assassin? In some cases, maybe, but usually you'd want something long-range like a sniper rifle, or quiet, like a garrote so you don't get caught.] a reputation she has proudly earned alone. Her only problem is the innocent witness she killed and buried after her last assignment. [If her last assignment was completed, why would she be killing anyone? Was it an accident? Did the witness see her kill a criminal?] She isn't sure what her employer will do to her if they find out.

Verity's manager is her only link to the mysterious company she works for. When he tells her she'll have a partner on the highest paid assignment of her life, she wonders if her employer is doubting her ability to kill unnoticed. Taking out three men at the head of a billion-dollar human and drug trafficking operation doesn't seem that difficult, [Actually, it does. Those sound like guys who would be surrounded by bodyguards wearing bulletproof vests and armed with better weapons than 1911-A1 pistols.] until she meets her new partner's ego.

Verity's partner Cy thinks he's the world's greatest assassin. He's the expert on everything, including how to pour a cup of tea properly. Verity has zero interest in him romantically, but he doesn't believe it. He scrutinizes [criticizes?] her every move, and has no faith in her ability to annihilate their targets. Verity knows she'll lose her job if she lets Cy do all the killing. And both their lives are on the line if they can't find a way to kill their targets together. Firing an assassin from what she does best means she'll end up in an early grave. [That sentence isn't clear. You could replace the last two sentences with: And assassins don't get fired; they get sent to an early grave.] [Although it seems if you're an assassin working to kill bad guys, your employer would be a good guy, and wouldn't eliminate you like they would if you worked for the mob and could blow the whistle on them.]
KILLER IN HEELS is a 70,000-word suspense novel.


Notes
This is pretty much all setup. We know Verity and Cy are assassins assigned to kill three people, but we don't know anything that happens. What's their plan? What goes wrong? What situation forces them to work together whether they like it or not? If you eliminate the two sentences about Verity's only problem, which don't seem necessary (and lead to questions you don't have room to answer), and the last three sentences of paragraph 3, you'll have room to provide some details about the story.