Oooh. Shiny.

 

Hammacher Schlemmer has come to the UK.  I don't know how long it's been here—it certainly wasn't twenty years ago when I moved over here—but a catalogue fell through my door today saying 'now serving the United Kingdom'.  I have missed its insanity.*  Who wouldn't want to spend several million dollars on a scale replica of the Chrysler Building, at least vicariously?  Or a 14-karat gold pogo stick?** 

            It's still full of some pretty great stuff.  How about a glow in the dark jigsaw puzzle of Washington DC?  And it doesn't only glow in the dark—it's in FOUR dimensions!  No, really.  I admit I'm not quite grasping the historical aspect—yes, DC has a lot of old buildings.  Are there the 1792 jigsaw pieces and the 1901 pieces?  Do you accumulate your miniature plastic White House in suitably historic increments?  Is there a charred version for 1814?  Are there peel-off stickers for when countryside became urban sprawl?  But the best is that it's advertised as the Only Luminescent 4-D Washington DC Skyline Puzzle.  The only one.  Gosh.  http://www.hammacher.co.uk/the-only-luminescent-4d-washington-d-c-skyline-puzzle.html

            For the person who has everything, and has tired of the Chrysler Building*** there is The Authentic New York Hot Dog Vendor Cart for a mere £4400.  You'd better read this one for yourself.  http://www.hammacher.co.uk/the-authentic-new-york-hot-dog-vendor-cart.html  I'm totally on board with wanting to continue New York City's robust street food tradition.  Never mind the hot dogs though.  Bring on the hot pretzels.

            I can imagine few things I want less than The Wellness Monitor however.  I keep thinking I will buy a pedometer some day, and see how close I come to the notorious 10,000 steps mean†, but this ' . . . fits in the included wristband while you sleep and tracks tiny tremors . . . to determine how long it took you to fall asleep, how often you woke up, and how long you were actually asleep, not just lying in bed. . . .'  I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.  I KNOW MORE NOW THAN I WANT TO KNOW.   Not to mention the fact that the wristband would help keep me awake.  http://www.hammacher.co.uk/the-wellness-monitor.html

            . . . No, since you ask, I did not have a good night last night.††  And I'm croaky today, frell it, so no, I didn't sing for Oisin:  indeed after an hour's mere conversation my voice was starting to drop out again.†††  I was thinking irritably that both Griselda and Ravenel were head-cold-hoarse last night and Griselda even has a cough—but they can sing.  Why can't I have their mutant virus instead of the one I've got?   And we had six at tower practise tonight—which is still one more than we had on Monday‡, let's look on the dranglefabbing bright side. 

            At least the hellhounds are eating. ‡‡ And, speaking of . . . watch this.  Just click on through.  It was sent by an old friend of Peter's and had me literally crying with laughter.  http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=EVwlMVYqMu4&vq=medium#t=125

 * * *

* I learned to take out my frustrations reading gardening catalogues instead.  Who knows, a lack of Hammacher Schlemmer catalogues may be partly responsible for the 500+ rose bushes I planted in the garden at the old house.  Of course I'm still taking my frustrations out reading gardening catalogues.  Yes, a 100-foot magnolia campbellii would be terrific.  Where am I going to put it?^

^ Actually . . . if I were going to go for a magnolia tree I'd go for one of the scented ones.  They tend to run only about thirty feet . . . and it probably takes them a few years to get that big . . . MCKINLEY.  GET A GRIP.+ 

+ Meanwhile I lost my third magnolia stellata this year.  Siiiiiiiiigh.  Maybe I'll try some other little shrub magnolia.# 

# But not until I've got the frelling auction/sale stuff over with.  My poor garden . . . all I've been doing with it lately is going out to pick apples.  One of my roses could have sported blue and I wouldn't know. 

** Originally they were 18 karat.  But 18 karat gold is too soft, and the pogo sticks got shorter and shorter and there were complaints. . . .

*** And took a credit rather than a replacement on the pogo stick 

† http://www.thewalkingsite.com/10000steps.html  Although between hellhounds and pathological fidgets, if I don't come pretty frelling near 10000 steps there's something wrong with the pedometer. 

†† I'm not sure I'd know a good night if I saw one.  Hi, cutie, what are you?

            Last night I turned the light back on and started folding more paper.^  Siiiigh.  Thanks to all of you who recommended origami books:  most of the frellers are out of print.  I've got a couple on order however and . . . I really don't want to add another Abe Books quest to my life. 

            But I was afraid someone was going to say 'find someone to show you'.  Yes.  I was introduced to origami fifty years ago in Japan, so before it took off in the west.  I had major culture shock even as an insulated American military brat and most of the 'Japanese culture' classes we were obliged to attend were too, well, foreign for me—they didn't really give us a starting place, you know?  It was like putting someone who'd never been on a horse before in the three-day event at Badminton.  And I was and am terrible at languages.  Japanese script fascinated me—it was the first time I'd really absorbed the idea of other working alphabets:  hieroglyphs were history—but since I was failing to pick up any of the words this didn't take me too far.  My attention was finally caught by some of the folklore and fairy tales (in translation), and I'm pretty sure I've told you that after I got 'home' again I discovered that Japanese culture had crept under my skin without my realising it. 

            But origami:  you didn't have to start anywhere but with a piece of paper to begin with origami.  We were given a few origami lessons, and a lot of the kids who were Japanese or had some Japanese family knew it already, and helped the rest of us.  I was pretty terrible at origami too—but I liked it.  I haven't got a lot of decades left for catching up on stuff that I dropped for stupid reasons and, well, hmm, lack of talent, I've decided, is a stupid reason.  I want to fold critters.  So I've ordered a Montroll critter-folding book. 

^ This is not ideal in bed.  I am somehow resisting taking a lap desk to bed with me too.  There's barely room left in the bed for me now. 

††† It wasn't the talking.  It was all the dramatic gestures. 

‡ Niall is back from the wilds of Canterbury or Chicago or Calcutta or wherever they went. 

‡‡ Mostly.  Only someone with hellhounds would call Chaos' current approach to food 'eating'.