Record of Wrongs

Conflict relies on a record of wrongs: recalling how/when someone has crossed us, the personnel file tracks infractions from an employee, uncollected debts are recounted. As such, we’re inherently taught to avoid certain people, to label them as unreliable or assume the worst of intentions, and to withhold generosity, forgiveness, or compassion. It’s reasonable: we want to avoid pain.

Yet, when things are flipped, we expect the opposite for ourselves: we implore our spouse to think of the man...