Unhealthy Roles In Family Dysfunction

How do unhealthy roles in family dysfunction play out in real life? Here’s a family situation that will seem familiar to those who experience the painful dysfunction that accompanies a substance or behavioral addiction. The Drake family is in crisis due to the additive family system. Each family member suffers in a different way. What can they do to recover?

Person with Alcohol Use Disorder

Josh, the father, has Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD, formerly called alcoholism).  The consequences of his drinking include two DUIs and he has recently lost his job from intoxicated at work. Josh had already been warned about this. With the loss of his job, Josh is now home all day. He spends part of his time at a local bar, and part of his time at home, always drinking. He can put away 12-16 beers daily. In denial, he is blaming his family for loss of his job. He believes his wife, Kathee, and his kids cause him to drink, and that drinking is the only thing that gets him through the day. He is not currently looking for a job and is depending on Kathee’s income to support the family.

Codependent

Kathee, the mother, is the codependent. She works full-time and is trying to keep the family together. She has three children and struggles to help Josh cope with his drinking. She has quit trying to confront him about his drinking as he gets very angry and scary. To appease his anger, she now brings him beer to prevent his angry outbursts (which occur over the smallest issues). She is embarrassed about the family situation has stopped asking for help from others. She is angry and hurt but covers up her true feelings by trying to put on a happy face wherever she goes. She is also the primary caregiver to their three children.

Hero:

Caitlin, 17, is the oldest child. She copes with the family by achieving. She is among the top five in her senior class and is also a good athlete. The family rallies around her in a manner that keeps them in their roles. When there is something good going on in the family, then other problems can be denied. However, Caitlin is very upset about the situation. She is angry at her mother, and her father, and has trouble having fun. She has become quite rigid in her perfectionism. She is also ambivalent about going to college. She longs to get away from everyone but feels guilty about wanting to leave her mother and younger siblings to cope without her help.

Mascot/scapegoat:

Marcus, 15, is the middle child. He is a combination mascot and scapegoat. He has always been funny and is known as the class clown. The family embraces his role as a mascot as he tries to deal with the family problems by laughing and making fun of life. He is also immature and his mascot behavior is beginning to change into that of the scapegoat, as he has started getting into trouble at school for acting out, mostly by disrupting the situations at school. He is beginning to have a permanent seat at the social worker’s office because of this troubling behavior. In addition, his grades are falling.

Lost child:

Careen, 12, is the youngest. She is basically ignored by the family for she tends to stay in her room as a way to escape the family struggles. She isolates by doing solitary activities such as being on the computer, playing online games, and reading. She doesn’t cause any problems although being the lost child, her needs are being neglected. Also, she doesn’t really have any friends at school.

Can This Family Be Saved

Of course it can. But for change to occur, every member of the family needs help. Josh needs treatment for his alcohol disorder. That does not mean he is willing to get it. If he does not want treatment or counseling for the marriage, Kathee can still get a life preserver for herself and her children. As she sees her family floundering, she can seek help through Al-anon to understand what’s happening and how to find solutions.

Kathee can find a therapist. She can encourage her teens to attend Al-Anon teen meetings and find therapists to help them understand and cope with the family situation. She can contact Families Anonymous. Another free resource is Codependents anonymous. All of these resources can set this family on a track for better relationships.

It’s not easy to step out a rollercoaster situation, and things often get messy before they get better. But recovery is working for the millions of people willing to ask for help by contacting the above groups and exploring treatment options in their area.

 

 

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