I’ll Be A Killer Whale When I Grow Up

When I look into the mirror,

my reflection–

it’s no longer me.

My thoughts no longer

sound like mine.

There’s something ugly

that’s happening inside.

More malignant than

a cancer.

More malicious than

a monster.

And with the hunger of

a thousand starving lions.

A feeling like

when a star explodes

and turns into a black hole,

devouring anything,

everything,

surrounding it. Whole.

I’ll be a monster, clenching my jagged jaws over the captured.

I’ll be a killer whale, when I grow up.

Wintersleep, Orca

This winter has been cold.

Coldest I’ve ever known.

But the cold I feel is one that

no winter could ever hold.

One that pierces like a knife

and sends shivers through my bones.

I’ve been here so long,

this place feels like home.

Days are short and grey.

Nights are long and black.

It seems to always rain

in this world that I live in.

I’ll be a forest fire about to flood over an empire.

I’ll be a killer whale when I grow up.

I’ll be a monster.

Troubles have swallowed me up

and spit me out.

and the world is fucked,

because I’ll never be the same now.

Who I was

is six feet deep.

The me that you see

has no blood left to bleed.

No tears left to stream.

No feelings that can grieve.

Upon this world,

havoc I will wreak.

Thank you for reading.

-Jordan Antonacci

Twitter: @misterhushhush