Alpine Story Chapter Five

Chapter Five

            Jen awoke Sunday morning in a daze. She was laying in her bed and trying to remember how and when she got there. Her phone began to light up and buzz against the nightstand it was on. The screen shown bright in the semi-darkness of Jen’s bedroom.

Just wanted to check and make sure you were okay. The text message from Aaron read. You feel asleep on the porch, so I carried you to your bed. Sorry, you had to sleep in your clothes, while the idea of making you more comfortable was tempting, I decided to not risk losing you over it! This is was followed by a smile emoji just before he signed off with, I love you, Red, sleep well. Talk to you tomorrow.

            Jen laid there and thought about last night for a minute. She remembered being on the back porch with Aaron. They talked about Mike and Thomas for a bit and she started crying. She must have fallen asleep not long after that. She wondered how long Aaron had stayed there holding her until putting her in her bed. She picked her phone back to respond to Aaron.

Good morning. I’m fine. Thanks for not helping me get more comfortable. There are some things you just don’t want to see! It would ruin your perfect image of me entirely!! She followed her flirtatious comment with a wink emoji. She knew Aaron wouldn’t take her comment seriously. That was one of the great things about their relationship, they could flirt, cuss and cry and neither one would ever judge the other.

Jen took a deep breathe as she put the phone back down on the nightstand. She flopped her hands onto her stomach as she thought about Aaron and her relationship with him. Why didn’t they date? How come she had never allowed that? She knew he had wanted to at one point. Why did she say no?

She knew the answer. It was the same answer it had been for twenty years, Thomas. Jen signed deeply again. Why did she still allow a man from her past torment her present? Why was it so important to measure every man up to the man that shattered her heart?

Jen sat up and scooted out of bed. She knew the answer and as she gathered up her clothes for the day, she also knew it was a good day for a ride.

 

An hour later, Jen was showered and dressed to take a Sunday drive on her Harley. Lynn had gotten up while Jen was making a quick breakfast for herself. She mumbled good morning to Jen while she poured a cup of coffee and disappeared into the bathroom to take a shower. Jen was the morning person, Lynn took a bit to even be coherent in the mornings.

Once Jen was done eating and her dishes were in the dishwasher, she went back into her bedroom to retrieve her backpack. She kneeled down in front of the trunk at the end of her bed. She opened the antique trunk that had been one of her grandmother’s. Inside, hidden under some memorabilia was a stack of things only Jen knew about. She grabbed the stack and put the items in her backpack. She knocked on the bathroom door and yelled bye to Lynn before walking through the kitchen, grabbing a box of matches along the way.

Jen put on her helmet and put the backpack on her back before getting on the bike and starting it up. She saw Lynn peek out the backdoor just before she drove off. She waved bye and headed toward the only place that would clear her mind today.

 

Lynn stood in her robe with the screen door slightly ajar and watched Jen leave. She wasn’t surprised. Jen took a lot of rides on Sundays, especially after a night of hearing Thomas’s name more than once. Lynn closed the door when her best friend was out of sight.

She was never sure exactly where Jen drove to, but she had a feeling it was a certain curve where she and Thomas spent some time together. Lynn never asked Jen. She didn’t feel it was her place to do so and Jen always seemed to come back feeling better. If Jen needed to go to the spot that was once hers and Thomas’s to feel better, then so be it. Lynn wanted Jen happy and the rides she would take on her bike always seemed to help her.

 

Twenty minutes later, Jen pulled off to the side of the road. She tried to keep her breathing steady as she parked as far away from the road as possible. What had been just a spot beside the road when she came here with Thomas, had become a small picnic area with tables, benches, and fire pits.

She turned off her bike and took off her helmet. She placed her helmet on the seat knowing no one would bother her out here. She sat on top of the table facing the open field before her. She loved this area. She loved living here, and despite the pain attached, she loved this particular spot.

It had gone from being one the best memories she had made with Thomas to being a place of inner peace and finding herself when she felt lost. She never told anyone, but in a way, this spot kept her connected to Thomas and that connection made her feel whole when she was there.

Jen placed the backpack beside her and opened it. She took the matches out first. Carefully, she took the other items out of the bag as well. She had done this ritual before, always intending to burn it all and be done with Thomas and the memories of him. Somehow, every time she tried, she could only burn one or things and that was all. She was never fully ready to let go, but now that had to change. Twenty years was long enough.

Jen picked up the stack of letters Thomas had written her between semesters as college students. In the past, she would read each one and decide not to burn it. Not today. Jen stood up, grabbed the matches and went over to the barbeque pit. She put the letters down long enough to strike a match on the box to light it.

“I have loved for a long time now, Thomas. Even with as much as you hurt me, I still find myself loving you. I may never stop loving you, but it’s time to let go. I pray you’re happy and successful, just like you wanted. I’m successful, too, but now it’s time for me to be happy.” Jen said out loud to the memories surrounding her as she held his beautiful words in her hand.

She put the match to one corner of the letters and let the flame catch. Once she was satisfied they were going to burn, she placed them on the pit to finish.

“I love you, Thomas, I always will. You were the prince no man can compare to. I think maybe now, instead of pining for my lost prince, it’s time to focus on my knight.”

Jen went back to the pile of things sitting on the table. She knew she wouldn’t burn anything else today and started to put the items back into her backpack. She stopped and opened a small ring box. It held a small silver ring band with a turquoise shaped heart on it. It was the promise ring Thomas had given her when he promised her a future of forever with him and couldn’t afford an actual engagement ring. Jen loved this ring. It spoke volumes of who she was and how well he knew her. She didn’t need diamonds and he had loved that about her…or so she thought.

Jen closed the ring box and put it in the backpack with everything else. She decided she would have the jeweler in town turn the ring into a pendant. No sense in letting the beautiful thing tarnish just because she wasn’t with Thomas anymore. She sat back down on top of the table and watched the letters burn as peace entered into her soul as she found herself moving forward a little stronger this time.