Stuff, Things, and Random Apricots

[image error]

Yes, I just threw in a small fruit to serve as the last part of this post’s title. It works, trust me. Partly because lately I feel like most of my life involves juggling random apricots of random stuff and things.

One: This week was a jumble of doctor’s appointments, midterms for White Fang, Muffin being less than a nice child, and trying to catch up on my draft of Volume 3 after being sick, again.

Two: I have extremely mixed feelings about various threads of this jumble.

Three: You know I hate to go too long without a general update when I’ve been a bit radio silent or MIA when life is happening too much.

So, let’s unpack some of this…

First, as some of you will know if you’ve seen my Tweets, my health has taken center stage in terms of concerns and needing to be addressed. After getting sick for the third time in as many months (and I don’t mean the latest round of cough and sniffles that the rest of my family had — although I did get that, too), I’d had it and proceeded to skip the middle man (of making an appointment with a general practioner to recite my symptoms for the dozenth time and get referred somewhere else, waiting up to several more weeks for them to tell me that they wouldn’t find anything out of the ordinary — see, I’ve been down this road already). I Googled my most troubling symptoms (unexplained pain in my side, nausea, sometimes vomiting, and fever), and the Mayo Clinic website suggested I have uterine fibroids or endometriosis.

Now we’re getting somewhere.

So, I went to the OB/GYN, and right away they were running tests, taking blood, and scheduling follow-ups. The labs came back in a timely manner (for a change), and I do not have anemia, a misbehaving thyroid, or pre-cancerous indications. Everything that really needed to be negative was. Now I’m waiting to go in for a sonogram to tackle the fibroids/endometriosis theory.

But both those conditions are easily treatable in this day and age, and treatment may involve minor surgery, but I’m certainly not going to be kicking the bucket anytime soon.

[image error]

This was a real worry. Needless to say, since I’d be leaving behind two children, neither of them able to totally take care of themselves, this is a valid issue.

Late one night, while my body was wracked by fever and chills (with Toby on vigil at my side), I started planning what my final wishes would be, how I’d arrange things for my boys, what aspects of my life I’d absolutely want to have concretely determined before the final curtain went down. Yes, none of this is pleasant or satisfying to think about — but it is fact, and practical, when you have a family. While all of it scared me, I also didn’t want to act scared — especially around my boys.

Of course I am relieved I don’t have to deal with all of that at the moment. Still, here’s what bothers me — too many women my age (I’m not yet 40) probably won’t get tested for stuff like cervical cancer, thinking they’re too young. And stuff like fibroids, ovarian cysts, and endometriosis can happen to any woman of childbearing age, even if they’re not in a physically intimate relationship. So, ladies, go, get your yearly exams — or sooner if you’re having pain or other concerns you can’t nail down.

And too many doctors only look at the immediate symptoms and for the easiest explanation — exercise your patient’s rights, folks, and don’t let them stop there when you’re not getting better. Seek a second, even third opinion. Ask questions about what tests they’re running and why. Research your symptoms and possible diagnoses. Find out the treatment options — don’t say yes to something without knowing all the possible pros and cons. If a doctor gives you an attitude about being a well-informed patient, go somewhere else.

I am quite blessed in that the OB/GYN my insurance covers has a lot of competent and thorough — and caring — staff, and I know they’ll try to get to the bottom of this. When you’re the patient, advocate for yourself — for the sake of your family, too.

[image error]

The next major thing was getting back on schedule after missing a week of doing pretty much anything because I wasn’t feeling well. White Fang had midterms (what, he has midterms now?!), and (even though he wouldn’t admit it) he needed me to be strong, full of advice, and ready with the treats afterwards. Muffin’s sniffles and cough made him quite Mummy-centric. Toby had cabin fever. It all meant that carving out time to catch up on chores, write, and plan blog stuff became crucial.

I also put some things on the back burner — I didn’t really care about checking anything for myself out of the library (only the boys), I let the laundry and dishes slide a little (I am a tidying Nazi), and I spent less time on social media and trying to find something new to watch on TV (particularly since the last one I already know is a waste of time for me).

Was it just that I had a sort of epiphany following a health scare? Or was it that having some time when I couldn’t do much at all, besides lie in bed, made me realize how I spend that waking time is important?

Part of what I feel kind of strange about is the idea that, despite how in control of our own lives we seem to be, how fleeting all of this really can be.

Also, I can’t help but wonder how White Fang went from being Muffin’s size to singing in chorus, going to summer camp, winning at Minecraft, and eventually, how he’d survive the zombie apocalypse.

Do I really know what my kids think of me, how they’d cope without me? Am I brave enough to face thoughts like that on an average Tuesday, when I’m perfectly healthy?

My Vulcan side is not doing well with all of this stuff.

[image error]

Overall, I’m all right for now, and some things that were stagnant for too long are finally moving forward.

So I’m taking my life from there.

Even though I don’t yet know what awaits in certain areas, it’s not a bad place to be.

[image error]