The Puzzle Map

Toxic people have a way to follow in groups and it leads to a toxic environment to live in. I see it, hear it, been affected by it, breathe it and sense it. It's all around us. Somewhere in our subconscious we ask ourselves why people and places are so toxic and why we end up in those positions. It's the tendency to always listen, to observe others and as what's around us, we take all that in and it leads to mental health problems, emotional and physical health. It is an unhealthy way to live. As much as I once listened to people 24/7 it led me down through a great deal of illness. Mental illness, emotional and physical illness. Now,I don't listen as often as I once did although my lifestyle and life changes are completely different now as they weren't before. I left that all behind me and moved forward to begin a new chapter of my life whether or not someone didn't approve or support my vision and career choice. I had to do what was right for me for my well being and for my health. I was properly diagnosed with high functioning anxiety and depression in March of 2017 I still and will always have my good days, bad days, highs and lows. It does happen and at moments I can't really explain. Maybe I can and just don't know how to exactly. When I'm interrupted and let it linger enough I start to pray as satan only wants me in his place. I hate that place, it throws me down, kicks me right in the gut as hard as can be. I felt a sense of relief after the diagnoses although it just didn't seem enough as several life issues and relationships kept me at times from moving forward. Transitioning was difficult and it kept me from what I loved and that was writing and my growing career as an author. This new chapter is crazy much like a map not suring what my next destination would be. Will I travel?. Will I see mountains? Will I move or will I visit another country? Everyone has a puzzle map and a journey. As a woman it's tough either way. There is a heavy load to carry.Men and women are on completely different hemispheres when it comes to mental illness. Women have what is call estrogen, and much more abundance to carry a heavy weight load. They are child bearing, work jobs, take care and give unto others and are merely keeping a household functioning. Women have hormones much more than men do. With the combination of hormones and estrogen that combination affects all aspects on an emotional and mental level. Now, I'm not a scientist only a woman who has been around and have had that personal connection to other women who have children and those without children. Every woman is different although not so much. Our minds like I said have much more going on although men could rebuke it. I've talked with my fellow ladies and have discovered during that time of month not only do our hormones increase our estrogen increases causing high mood swings which increases mental stability. Emotionally we cry at the drop of a hat. So that is where it comes from. As much as what's going on mentally, emotionally women have a hard time expressing themselves. I'm witness to it. Introverted women shy away from what is going on inside. It's a silent killer. We put on our many hats to get through just a day. Talking about it is not what we do rather let it manifest. I could speak for all women, maybe I am. Every woman is different and have a different puzzle map and there not planned out it's merely taking it one day at a time.