Common Errors in Fiction Manuscripts, Part 2

Redundant detail in describing body
parts, and attributing action



There seems to be a preoccupation
among writers to describe the colour of eyes. Perhaps this is because eyes play
such an essential role in communication for the sighted. In crafting a story, however,
it's crucial to ask oneself if this information is necessary to the advancement
of the plot, or to the development of character.


I think if you answer that constant
query honestly, you'll find the fact your character has exotic grey or green
eyes is mostly irrelevant to how they manage to defeat The Big Bad, or win the
affection of The Goddess of Light.

And while we're on the topic of eye
colour, there are a disproportionate number of fictional characters running
around with grey, violet or green eyes. Or people who have gold flecks and
green rims in their irises. What happened to plain old blue eyes, or muddy
brown? Or -- radical thought here -- unless the eye colour of the character is
integral to the plot, what about allowing your reader to engage their imagination
and decide eye colour for themselves?

And then there is the common mistake of
body parts disconnecting and taking action. Too often I've read a sentence
like:

"His eyes followed her across the
room."

Whenever I'm editing a manuscript with a
similar phrase, I insert this comment: "What? His eyes jumped out of their
sockets and rolled across the floor at her heels?"

May sound harsh, but eyes cannot follow
anyone or anything. A gaze can. A gaze is not a body part.

I also see sentences such as:

"His blackened teeth smiled at her."

Quite aside from oral disease, this
fellow's teeth, like his cousins the eyes, did not just decide to flash a
smile. The owner of those teeth smiled. The teeth did not.

Or:

"His hand pointed listlessly at the
painting."

The hand is not listless. And the hand
by itself does not point. The owner of that hand is listless, and the owner
points.

Comments? Questions? We'd love to hear
from you.