The Fiver | Some more golden-age-of-Hollywood slapstick combined with pathos

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It’s been a week of seismic shocks in sport. A British man who isn’t fated to be bagelled by Novak Djokovic in the final has reached the last four of the Australian Open. Ronnie O’Sullivan didn’t win the Masters snooker, bad news for those of us who like to watch rocket-fuelled century breaks, good news for anyone whose teeth are set on edge by desperate phlegm-rattling bellows of CAHMONRONEEEE from members of the audience whose ability going forward to pay the mortgage may be seriously compromised by the book they’ve been running down the drinker. And in the football on Monday night, there was a classic for fans of cognitive dissonance, as Southampton supporters tried to balance the sight of Virgil van Dijk turning into Dejan Lovren II with the view of Swansea City coming up hard in the rear-view mirror.

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