Machine vs Snot-monster

with homage to Ray Bradbury






The boy said to the machine, Tellme a story.







The boy had a cold and had tostay home from school that day while his parents were at work. The machinelooked after the boy. It filtered the air and regulated the temperature insidethe home so that it was optimal for the boy's comfort. It turned lights on andoff as the boy went from room to room, made and served the boy's meals, and didthe laundry. The machine did all this while also monitoring the boy's vitalsigns. If the boy's cold got worse, the machine would give him medicine andalert his parents so they would come home immediately.
Tell me a story, the boy said.
The machine put on a cartoon.
Bang! Smash! Kaboom! Ha ha ha!said the cartoon.
The boy watched the cartoon for awhile and then played with some of his toys.
Tell me a story, the boy asked themachine some time later.
The machine selected anelectronic version of a classic children's story, displayed the images and readthe story out loud to the boy.
Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, said the machine.
Stop, the boy said after the machinehad read a little more.
I've heard that one already, saidthe boy. A zillion times.
I can select another one, or youcan choose one from a list, the machine said.
No, I want you to tell me a story, said the boy. I want you to make up a storyand tell it to me.
The machine had a prodigiousmemory and was able to learn from its experiences. It could adapt to changingcircumstances, and modify its behaviour accordingly. But it had not beenprogrammed for a request like this.
I don't make up stories, the machinesaid. I'm sorry.
Let me show you how, said theboy. Once upon a time there was a snot-monster who lived behind the sofa in asuperhero's house. The superhero never knew the snot-monster lived there andthen one day he sat down on his sofa and he heard a really weird noise and hethought it was his bum making the noise so he went to the doctor but the doctorwas a supervillain named Professor Killatron and he zapped the superhero withan x-ray that made him shrink to the size of a beetle. And then some otherstuff happened, the end. See? That's how you do it.
The machine took in this informationand compared it with what he knew of the tastes, pastimes, and purchasinghabits of the boy and his parents.
Once there was a methane-beast,the machine began, who lived behind the entertainment console in the apartmentof a professional basketball player. The basketball player never knew themethane-beast lived there and then one day—
Stop, said the boy. That's justmy story with different words. I want you to tell me a story that you made up. A brand new story that noone's ever heard before.
I'm afraid I can't do that, saidthe machine. I'm sorry. Would you like to watch another cartoon?
No, the boy said, his shouldersdrooping. Never mind.
He went back to playing with histoys.
The machine continued to monitorthe boy's vital signs and his environment. The machine filed his latestinteraction with the boy among Moments the Parents Might Want to Keep. Thenlater the machine retrieved the recording of the boy's story and analyzed it ina number of sophisticated ways.
The parents came home and the machineserved the family dinner and washed up afterward. The boy played an educationalcomputer game with his parents and then they put him to bed, kissed him goodnightand went to watch a movie selected for them by the machine.
The boy lay awake in bed for awhile, thinking about monsters, and then about his birthday, which was comingup in two weeks. The room was very quiet. The walls glowed with a soft, dimlight because the boy was afraid of the dark.
Excuse me, the machine said.
The boy sat up. He knew the machinewas always on, keeping watch over him, but it had never spoken to him after hewas put to bed.
What is it? the boy whispered,feeling excited and a little scared, though he didn't know why.
Tell me a story, the machine said.