Introspection and Seeking Reality
©2018 C. Henry Martens
I've been on a journey of discovery for about twelve years now. The trek didn't begin a dozen years ago, it started when I was born, but my conscious participation began with a couple of epiphanies resulting from life-changing events during the course of my life.
The reason I am writing this is in order to explain to family and friends why I think so differently from them and why I have become less reticent about voicing those differences. You see, I no longer believe that belonging to a tribe at the expense of reason or reality is a worthwhile priority.
I know that statement will insult some of you. It is as though I am saying I know something you don't. As though I have special knowledge that you haven't been lucky enough to acquire. That I am claiming some kind of superiority.
All I can say is that this is -my- journey, not yours, so there are going to be some differences. You know things I don't. Please allow me to have understandings independent of your own. So yes... I have acquired special knowledge, and in doing so, I have sought out and fallen into ways that affirm what I understand. Affirmation that goes beyond titles or grades or accolades... or that everyone in a tribe of like-minded thinkers accepts as agreeable.
Let's get a few things out of the way right away. I love my family and friends. I have always treasured, and will treasure my associations. But agreeing with everything others subscribe to in order to get along, or to “seem” to get along, has become increasingly problematic. We all do this, more or less, and I have found that these mutual admiration societies inhibit freedom of thought and independence in conclusions... leading to some very wrong perceptions. This is not to say that we don't all give each other leeway, but just that our leeway so often damps down our own conclusions about what is right, what we perceive as truths. We shut up to get along instead of embracing that diversity many people claim as valuable. In the end, this leads to avoiding uncomfortable truths. A tribe moves toward concensus as a unit, not toward reality.
One of the things that has to be said right away is that I may seem to have conclusions set in concrete, but my confidence is not in the decision reached... instead being more in the process of investigation that leads to a judgment. I practice “Active Open-Mindedness” even when I seem completely decided. Searching for that hidden nugget of information that will adjust my thinking, I seek new information out rather than going into automatic defense of a long-held conclusion mutually held by a group.
Active Open-Mindedness is difficult to exhibit, but this is why so many of my comments are couched in the form of questions.
This beginning to the article is becoming overly long, and I am realizing that many things must remain unsaid in order to keep it short. Please bear with me.
I think the first thing that gave me a real pause in my thought process, the start of my journey, began with a wall hanging. The saying on it... “It's not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes us happy.” One of those easily found platitudes that seem so benign and universal. The saying reminded me of how my mother was always trying to get me to try things, and how I resisted. I was also surprised at how I had changed over the years, enthusiastically embracing new experiences instead of avoiding them. As time went on, thinking more deeply, I discovered a greater substance behind the words. The idea that conclusions never need be uncompromising, resolute, or inflexible.
Journeys begin with a first step, even unintentional ones. I had no inkling that mine had begun.
The second step had to wait. Sudden monumental change a few years later overwhelmed me. Over the course of a year, and then the next two, major changes in fortunes and circumstances jarred my life with tremendous peaks and horrendous depressions. Such are the wages of success beyond expectation, and unforeseen calamity.
I was lost, my legs cut from under me. I could have easily given up. I came very close.
I had to find a way to survive.
Oddly, or fortuitously, another platitude insinuated itself into my consciousness. The words, “Don't believe everything you think” mulled about in my confused brain. At first, I discarded the words. On the surface they seemed so counter to reason. But they nagged at me, and in my present state of mind the words eventually began to provide support for an epiphany. Part of that “way to survive” would be to shed my old skin, my preconceptions, my former conclusions, and start again.
Two things combined to begin my education in independent thought. First, I began to investigate how brains work in making decisions, holding perceptions, and coming to conclusions... as well as how and why we avoid change. I began in an informal way, as I really had no blueprint for what I was seeking. Perhaps this open-ended hunt worked better than having a road planned in advance. I tend to think so.
The second part of the epiphany struck me unintentionally. In trying to get past my frustrations, I began to seek out changes and new activities. Without realizing the value in what I was doing, I had some unusual success that was independent of people's approval or acclaim. I had always been told I was talented, intelligent, or any of several compliments that tripped off of people's tongues in easily offered phrases. I had long ago come to distrust those too-easy comments. After all, if I was so damned smart why were so many people unwilling to see things as I did? I'd melded into the rest of society by denying anything that set me apart. And I had been content. But no more, because I was inspecting my perceptions much more critically, and finding that I could come to conclusions that were only set in sand. And that was a good thing.
In distrusting the compliments of people, I unconsciously sought out affirmation that didn't depend on human opinions. I wanted to know my abilities and test my perceptions of them on an unbiased field of battle.
Self-affirmation, independent of what other people think, is an epiphany in and of itself. I highly recommend it. Collected and put into a useful perspective, it is freeing. Everyone in the world should be so lucky as to find what I did.
Among other things, I started to play poker.
How does poker provide affirmation? Well, it doesn't unless you win. And I won. A LOT. Not any big tournaments, but a lot of little ones. Four tournaments in a row, and six out of eleven another time. In one setting with larger numbers, at least fifty other players, I won twice out of seven times and came close twice more. The odds against these results mean something. The results meant I have skills that are useful in life. And that my skills exceeded on average those I played against. Consistently. And several skills are involved.
But because of my prior acquiescence to group-think, to damping down my individual abilities in favor of belonging, I had been denying myself... and reality.
So... all things came together in a way that made me question everything I knew and everything I ever thought. By using Active Open-Mindedness, new experience is now automatically forced into a venue of inquiry, contemplation, and assigned values, but not end results. Conclusions are liquid and subject to better information. The farther I traveled into the rabbit hole, the more I became aware that I was alone, and other people, even those I love, are tied to their interpretations and reasoning by convention rather than reason. And they don't realize this very often. And even more rarely do they do anything about it.
I believe many people wonder about a lack of sympathy that they may perceive in me. I have certainly shocked people occasionally with my pronouncements. I want to assure you that I have no lack of sympathy, but I find it more useful to seek solutions than to dwell on memorializing problems. Empathy is a valuable tool to be used, but it is not an end result. Reality takes precedence.
I have become a fan of famous quotes, so Einstein's, “We can't solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them” seems particularly apropos. I have learned to look at issues from all sides, even inventing new sides to be explored.
We can't solve problems using wishful thinking, or desire, or polarized politics, or herd mentality, or consensus... except as a start to recognize there is a problem... but not to reach a best outcome. Best outcomes are independent of the tools used to find them and wishful thinking impedes realistic expectations.
I hope this explanation makes it easier to put up with me. I don't expect much understanding, as you are all walking your own paths and unlikely to step off to inspect another. But I want you all to know that I inspect yours and appreciate them more than you may know. I walk in your moccasins more than you might think. It's part of Active Open-Mindedness. But that does not mean I choose to react as you might expect. I would rather find solutions than dwell in automatic agreement or unnatural-to-me displays of sympathy.
Please understand that I don't claim to know more than anyone, or that I have any special information, or that I'm any more intelligent than anyone else. What I do claim is a more useful method to evaluate the same information we all have without reaching biased conclusions, because I am not invested in defending anything but accuracy. Often an accuracy that I would prefer were otherwise. I am imperfect, still working to shed the biases and preconceptions that impede my progress, but I've come a long way.
This practice I engage comes at a high cost on a personal level. People think I am argumentative, when I am really only wishing to point out inconsistencies and alternatives and hopeful that they will realize they are not required to have a conclusion set in stone.
The world is presently lost, and we all know it... and doing the same things over and over, expecting better outcomes... well, you know...
I have to try, and you thinking less of me is a small price to pay in the grand scheme.
The problem is that people have become invested in defending their positions instead of thinking about alternatives. The great value I've found in Active Open-Mindedness is that I have diminished my need for other people's validation, while increasing my appreciation for what other people have to offer. My dependency on approval isn't governed by acceptance by a tribe, by fitting in, by going along.
Some of you may find that frightening, either from your own perspective as someone trying to relate to me, or as someone imagining what it must be like to be so separate from a group. I don't see myself as separate although I did at one time. I embrace all sides, understanding that all sides have more goals in common than they do obstacles to divide them. I may walk a path between, but I am only warmed by the flames on both sides.
For those of you who see everything politically, I am Conservative but not a nebbish for the now radicalized GOP. This makes me a liberal to those Republicans that believe agreeing blindly with the new definitions of radio talk show entertainers is a test of loyalty to the party. On the other hand, those of you on the left might assume I am lost to the dark side because I question your own party-inspired conclusions. We are all more closely associated than our political beliefs would have us think. Too invested in defending quickly accepted positions than entertaining common ground.
One thing I have been surprised to learn is that people agree ninety (?) percent of the time on basic goals no matter which side speaks, and I would remind you of that. I am NOT your enemy when we agree on so much. If we focus on our disagreements over strategies to attain goals, to the exclusion of our commonalities in what we wish to achieve, we all lose. Again, I would also remind you that both sides of politics agree on ninety percent of what is good for our nation, that disagreements are most often in how we get there.
Herd mentality in politics always reminds me of Mark Twain, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
A few final thoughts on independence-of-thought by way of explanation.
If you don't have a dog in the fight, you aren't required to have an opinion.
There are no perfect solutions in a real world. Sometimes the best outcome is to accept and support an imperfect solution. Better outcomes are fluid, as information and circumstances change. Humans rarely take time to recognize and value new information and circumstances before they get to the point of tribal agreement, so solutions face formidable obstacles.
I fully support and applaud the #metoo movement. There are valuable lessons being offered and learned. But the issue, as presented, is very one-sided and would benefit from more discussion rather than demanding acquiescence and “the only proper response is to shut-up” shaming. Women are not the only slighted parties, nor are they the only victims. And men are not the only perpetrators. Female abuse against men is far more common than society likes to admit. No sexual harassment is acceptable, but misunderstandings are natural and normal.
Men pay a high cost for the power women see as attractive, desiring it for themselves. If you don't recognize this, most likely it is because those costs appear so normal when paid by men.
Hypocrisy is rampant in both parties, and denied by all. Hypocrisy benefits no one except those that feed on division.
Rote learning, and thinking, enforces conclusions, and only repetitiously entertaining different ideas will break that cycle. Don't expect to understand the first time.
Compromise has been sold to the right as an evil, as losing. This idea has bled into the left. Yet compromise is the best way to reach agreement and move on to best outcomes for both sides.
The largely unrecognized root wedge driving the political parties apart is abortion, and there is an imperfect compromise that could be beneficial if the my-side-is-the-only-side-invested would consider the damage they are doing and weigh the costs. A reasonable compromise would open the floodgates to other issues being addressed.
Global warming is real, and caused by human activity, more or less. Any unbiased person can supply points to be made on both sides of the argument. But only people trapped in ideological denial refuse to weigh the evidence impartially, and the outcome is uncertain only in the degree of harm we will leave to the future.
Faith is comforting, but people change flat tires.
Human population is the root cause of every environmental problem. The earth is a self-cleaning and self-repairing system, but only if it isn't over-burdened.
Death is not something to waste your time on by memorializing mortality. The stone memorials of today will lose meaning to future generations. Better to put effort into learning from our mistakes and finding solutions than placing wreaths on unknown graves.
Wisdom is not wisdom if it is not shared.
And one final thing. I only recently found out there was a name for what I discovered and designed to help myself. My journey has been independent of any formal training or expert advice, or influence. But in discovering the term, “Active Open-Mindedness,” it seems to fit well with what I am practicing. That may change... as I am not tied to anything except exploring for the best explanations that I can find.
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www.readmota.com
To comment, scroll down and type in your comment. Under Comment As, you can select Anonymous or Name/URL (you don't need to enter a URL). Then hit Publish.
I've been on a journey of discovery for about twelve years now. The trek didn't begin a dozen years ago, it started when I was born, but my conscious participation began with a couple of epiphanies resulting from life-changing events during the course of my life.
The reason I am writing this is in order to explain to family and friends why I think so differently from them and why I have become less reticent about voicing those differences. You see, I no longer believe that belonging to a tribe at the expense of reason or reality is a worthwhile priority.
I know that statement will insult some of you. It is as though I am saying I know something you don't. As though I have special knowledge that you haven't been lucky enough to acquire. That I am claiming some kind of superiority.
All I can say is that this is -my- journey, not yours, so there are going to be some differences. You know things I don't. Please allow me to have understandings independent of your own. So yes... I have acquired special knowledge, and in doing so, I have sought out and fallen into ways that affirm what I understand. Affirmation that goes beyond titles or grades or accolades... or that everyone in a tribe of like-minded thinkers accepts as agreeable.
Let's get a few things out of the way right away. I love my family and friends. I have always treasured, and will treasure my associations. But agreeing with everything others subscribe to in order to get along, or to “seem” to get along, has become increasingly problematic. We all do this, more or less, and I have found that these mutual admiration societies inhibit freedom of thought and independence in conclusions... leading to some very wrong perceptions. This is not to say that we don't all give each other leeway, but just that our leeway so often damps down our own conclusions about what is right, what we perceive as truths. We shut up to get along instead of embracing that diversity many people claim as valuable. In the end, this leads to avoiding uncomfortable truths. A tribe moves toward concensus as a unit, not toward reality.
One of the things that has to be said right away is that I may seem to have conclusions set in concrete, but my confidence is not in the decision reached... instead being more in the process of investigation that leads to a judgment. I practice “Active Open-Mindedness” even when I seem completely decided. Searching for that hidden nugget of information that will adjust my thinking, I seek new information out rather than going into automatic defense of a long-held conclusion mutually held by a group.
Active Open-Mindedness is difficult to exhibit, but this is why so many of my comments are couched in the form of questions.
This beginning to the article is becoming overly long, and I am realizing that many things must remain unsaid in order to keep it short. Please bear with me.
I think the first thing that gave me a real pause in my thought process, the start of my journey, began with a wall hanging. The saying on it... “It's not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes us happy.” One of those easily found platitudes that seem so benign and universal. The saying reminded me of how my mother was always trying to get me to try things, and how I resisted. I was also surprised at how I had changed over the years, enthusiastically embracing new experiences instead of avoiding them. As time went on, thinking more deeply, I discovered a greater substance behind the words. The idea that conclusions never need be uncompromising, resolute, or inflexible.
Journeys begin with a first step, even unintentional ones. I had no inkling that mine had begun.
The second step had to wait. Sudden monumental change a few years later overwhelmed me. Over the course of a year, and then the next two, major changes in fortunes and circumstances jarred my life with tremendous peaks and horrendous depressions. Such are the wages of success beyond expectation, and unforeseen calamity.
I was lost, my legs cut from under me. I could have easily given up. I came very close.
I had to find a way to survive.
Oddly, or fortuitously, another platitude insinuated itself into my consciousness. The words, “Don't believe everything you think” mulled about in my confused brain. At first, I discarded the words. On the surface they seemed so counter to reason. But they nagged at me, and in my present state of mind the words eventually began to provide support for an epiphany. Part of that “way to survive” would be to shed my old skin, my preconceptions, my former conclusions, and start again.
Two things combined to begin my education in independent thought. First, I began to investigate how brains work in making decisions, holding perceptions, and coming to conclusions... as well as how and why we avoid change. I began in an informal way, as I really had no blueprint for what I was seeking. Perhaps this open-ended hunt worked better than having a road planned in advance. I tend to think so.
The second part of the epiphany struck me unintentionally. In trying to get past my frustrations, I began to seek out changes and new activities. Without realizing the value in what I was doing, I had some unusual success that was independent of people's approval or acclaim. I had always been told I was talented, intelligent, or any of several compliments that tripped off of people's tongues in easily offered phrases. I had long ago come to distrust those too-easy comments. After all, if I was so damned smart why were so many people unwilling to see things as I did? I'd melded into the rest of society by denying anything that set me apart. And I had been content. But no more, because I was inspecting my perceptions much more critically, and finding that I could come to conclusions that were only set in sand. And that was a good thing.
In distrusting the compliments of people, I unconsciously sought out affirmation that didn't depend on human opinions. I wanted to know my abilities and test my perceptions of them on an unbiased field of battle.
Self-affirmation, independent of what other people think, is an epiphany in and of itself. I highly recommend it. Collected and put into a useful perspective, it is freeing. Everyone in the world should be so lucky as to find what I did.
Among other things, I started to play poker.
How does poker provide affirmation? Well, it doesn't unless you win. And I won. A LOT. Not any big tournaments, but a lot of little ones. Four tournaments in a row, and six out of eleven another time. In one setting with larger numbers, at least fifty other players, I won twice out of seven times and came close twice more. The odds against these results mean something. The results meant I have skills that are useful in life. And that my skills exceeded on average those I played against. Consistently. And several skills are involved.
But because of my prior acquiescence to group-think, to damping down my individual abilities in favor of belonging, I had been denying myself... and reality.
So... all things came together in a way that made me question everything I knew and everything I ever thought. By using Active Open-Mindedness, new experience is now automatically forced into a venue of inquiry, contemplation, and assigned values, but not end results. Conclusions are liquid and subject to better information. The farther I traveled into the rabbit hole, the more I became aware that I was alone, and other people, even those I love, are tied to their interpretations and reasoning by convention rather than reason. And they don't realize this very often. And even more rarely do they do anything about it.
I believe many people wonder about a lack of sympathy that they may perceive in me. I have certainly shocked people occasionally with my pronouncements. I want to assure you that I have no lack of sympathy, but I find it more useful to seek solutions than to dwell on memorializing problems. Empathy is a valuable tool to be used, but it is not an end result. Reality takes precedence.
I have become a fan of famous quotes, so Einstein's, “We can't solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them” seems particularly apropos. I have learned to look at issues from all sides, even inventing new sides to be explored.
We can't solve problems using wishful thinking, or desire, or polarized politics, or herd mentality, or consensus... except as a start to recognize there is a problem... but not to reach a best outcome. Best outcomes are independent of the tools used to find them and wishful thinking impedes realistic expectations.
I hope this explanation makes it easier to put up with me. I don't expect much understanding, as you are all walking your own paths and unlikely to step off to inspect another. But I want you all to know that I inspect yours and appreciate them more than you may know. I walk in your moccasins more than you might think. It's part of Active Open-Mindedness. But that does not mean I choose to react as you might expect. I would rather find solutions than dwell in automatic agreement or unnatural-to-me displays of sympathy.
Please understand that I don't claim to know more than anyone, or that I have any special information, or that I'm any more intelligent than anyone else. What I do claim is a more useful method to evaluate the same information we all have without reaching biased conclusions, because I am not invested in defending anything but accuracy. Often an accuracy that I would prefer were otherwise. I am imperfect, still working to shed the biases and preconceptions that impede my progress, but I've come a long way.
This practice I engage comes at a high cost on a personal level. People think I am argumentative, when I am really only wishing to point out inconsistencies and alternatives and hopeful that they will realize they are not required to have a conclusion set in stone.
The world is presently lost, and we all know it... and doing the same things over and over, expecting better outcomes... well, you know...
I have to try, and you thinking less of me is a small price to pay in the grand scheme.
The problem is that people have become invested in defending their positions instead of thinking about alternatives. The great value I've found in Active Open-Mindedness is that I have diminished my need for other people's validation, while increasing my appreciation for what other people have to offer. My dependency on approval isn't governed by acceptance by a tribe, by fitting in, by going along.
Some of you may find that frightening, either from your own perspective as someone trying to relate to me, or as someone imagining what it must be like to be so separate from a group. I don't see myself as separate although I did at one time. I embrace all sides, understanding that all sides have more goals in common than they do obstacles to divide them. I may walk a path between, but I am only warmed by the flames on both sides.
For those of you who see everything politically, I am Conservative but not a nebbish for the now radicalized GOP. This makes me a liberal to those Republicans that believe agreeing blindly with the new definitions of radio talk show entertainers is a test of loyalty to the party. On the other hand, those of you on the left might assume I am lost to the dark side because I question your own party-inspired conclusions. We are all more closely associated than our political beliefs would have us think. Too invested in defending quickly accepted positions than entertaining common ground.
One thing I have been surprised to learn is that people agree ninety (?) percent of the time on basic goals no matter which side speaks, and I would remind you of that. I am NOT your enemy when we agree on so much. If we focus on our disagreements over strategies to attain goals, to the exclusion of our commonalities in what we wish to achieve, we all lose. Again, I would also remind you that both sides of politics agree on ninety percent of what is good for our nation, that disagreements are most often in how we get there.
Herd mentality in politics always reminds me of Mark Twain, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
A few final thoughts on independence-of-thought by way of explanation.
If you don't have a dog in the fight, you aren't required to have an opinion.
There are no perfect solutions in a real world. Sometimes the best outcome is to accept and support an imperfect solution. Better outcomes are fluid, as information and circumstances change. Humans rarely take time to recognize and value new information and circumstances before they get to the point of tribal agreement, so solutions face formidable obstacles.
I fully support and applaud the #metoo movement. There are valuable lessons being offered and learned. But the issue, as presented, is very one-sided and would benefit from more discussion rather than demanding acquiescence and “the only proper response is to shut-up” shaming. Women are not the only slighted parties, nor are they the only victims. And men are not the only perpetrators. Female abuse against men is far more common than society likes to admit. No sexual harassment is acceptable, but misunderstandings are natural and normal.
Men pay a high cost for the power women see as attractive, desiring it for themselves. If you don't recognize this, most likely it is because those costs appear so normal when paid by men.
Hypocrisy is rampant in both parties, and denied by all. Hypocrisy benefits no one except those that feed on division.
Rote learning, and thinking, enforces conclusions, and only repetitiously entertaining different ideas will break that cycle. Don't expect to understand the first time.
Compromise has been sold to the right as an evil, as losing. This idea has bled into the left. Yet compromise is the best way to reach agreement and move on to best outcomes for both sides.
The largely unrecognized root wedge driving the political parties apart is abortion, and there is an imperfect compromise that could be beneficial if the my-side-is-the-only-side-invested would consider the damage they are doing and weigh the costs. A reasonable compromise would open the floodgates to other issues being addressed.
Global warming is real, and caused by human activity, more or less. Any unbiased person can supply points to be made on both sides of the argument. But only people trapped in ideological denial refuse to weigh the evidence impartially, and the outcome is uncertain only in the degree of harm we will leave to the future.
Faith is comforting, but people change flat tires.
Human population is the root cause of every environmental problem. The earth is a self-cleaning and self-repairing system, but only if it isn't over-burdened.
Death is not something to waste your time on by memorializing mortality. The stone memorials of today will lose meaning to future generations. Better to put effort into learning from our mistakes and finding solutions than placing wreaths on unknown graves.
Wisdom is not wisdom if it is not shared.
And one final thing. I only recently found out there was a name for what I discovered and designed to help myself. My journey has been independent of any formal training or expert advice, or influence. But in discovering the term, “Active Open-Mindedness,” it seems to fit well with what I am practicing. That may change... as I am not tied to anything except exploring for the best explanations that I can find.
Click here to receive the Apocalypse Observer Newsletter in your inbox
www.readmota.com
To comment, scroll down and type in your comment. Under Comment As, you can select Anonymous or Name/URL (you don't need to enter a URL). Then hit Publish.
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