Lack of Blogging
I haven't blogged much in the last month. Partly it's the depression. Well, it's all the depression. It takes a great deal of energy just to keep the required stuff going. However, the depression is getting under control, freeing me to . . . well, take my life back. Some things I've done lately toward this end include:
--moving Corey upstairs into the dining room, which will allow me (get me) to play more often instead of weaving my way through the maze in our basement to a dark, damp room to play
--forcing myself to write some fiction, falling on my old adage, "write it even if it's crap, and fix it later"
--forcing myself to write every day, a habit I haven't had to invoke in years--I usually operate with a weekly word goal instead of a daily must write system because my habits are so ingrained, I can always get the prose done by deadline. Until the hospital took the words away. Pain, fear, and depression kept me away from the keyboard for months and months, and advanced habits died. Now I'm using old habits to get me going again.
--going on medications, including Zoloft and Xanax and another anxiety med that I can never remember the name for, except Zoloft . . . well, more about that in another blog
--forcing myself to run at least six days out of seven. A second goal is to run at speed for 20 minutes, and then I can quit or continue. Often I run for 30. I've been doing this pretty well, though it helps not to have a stent chewing up my insides.
--attending weekly sessions with a counselor. There's a lot more going on to this constant anxiety than fear of pain and doctors. I know what it is, and my counselor THINKS he knows what it is. Eventually, I'll get around to telling him the reality doesn't match the story I've led him to believe, but it'll take a while. I've tried saying the reality to myself aloud when I'm alone, and I can't quite do it. So when I know someone else is listening . . .
--changing my diet to cut out meat, which will help me lose weight and give me a greater feeling of control in my life
--blogging more often. My blog is half my personal diary and half my conversation with whoever wants to take part. I need to continue the contact.
comments
--moving Corey upstairs into the dining room, which will allow me (get me) to play more often instead of weaving my way through the maze in our basement to a dark, damp room to play
--forcing myself to write some fiction, falling on my old adage, "write it even if it's crap, and fix it later"
--forcing myself to write every day, a habit I haven't had to invoke in years--I usually operate with a weekly word goal instead of a daily must write system because my habits are so ingrained, I can always get the prose done by deadline. Until the hospital took the words away. Pain, fear, and depression kept me away from the keyboard for months and months, and advanced habits died. Now I'm using old habits to get me going again.
--going on medications, including Zoloft and Xanax and another anxiety med that I can never remember the name for, except Zoloft . . . well, more about that in another blog
--forcing myself to run at least six days out of seven. A second goal is to run at speed for 20 minutes, and then I can quit or continue. Often I run for 30. I've been doing this pretty well, though it helps not to have a stent chewing up my insides.
--attending weekly sessions with a counselor. There's a lot more going on to this constant anxiety than fear of pain and doctors. I know what it is, and my counselor THINKS he knows what it is. Eventually, I'll get around to telling him the reality doesn't match the story I've led him to believe, but it'll take a while. I've tried saying the reality to myself aloud when I'm alone, and I can't quite do it. So when I know someone else is listening . . .
--changing my diet to cut out meat, which will help me lose weight and give me a greater feeling of control in my life
--blogging more often. My blog is half my personal diary and half my conversation with whoever wants to take part. I need to continue the contact.
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