Trying to Mask Depression
Well, everyone, with Christmas morning less than twenty-four hours away, we’re quickly approaching the peak of the holiday season. And as they all say, “Tis the season to be jolly. Fa lala lala la…la…la…….la…”
He let his head and shoulders drop with a long sigh.
Other get depressed because Christmas appears to be a trigger to engage in excessive self-reflection and rumination about the inadequacies of life (and a “victim” mentality) in comparison with other people who seem to have more and do more.
-Psychology Today
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It’s not that I don’t like this time of the year. Quite the opposite, actually. I love it. Has to be my favorite. But it always seems to bring a bittersweet kind of feeling. On one side, this beautiful holiday reminds us of the importance of family, friends, spirit, and just being together. On the other side, for me, it’s just a constant reminder of something I myself can’t quite seem to grasp like so many others: Joy. Yes, joy–the heart and soul of this here holiday season.
Throughout the year, I spend the majority of my days and nights in a state of neutrality–not good, not bad. I don’t feel like I’m living or dying. I feel dead. Occasionally I’ll have my brief moments of what I think happiness may feel like. More often though, I’ll have my dips into a deep-seated feeling of melancholy. During this time of the year, that low feeling is always made a bit more prominent when I look around and feel like I’m missing a puzzle piece. Obviously, I’d rather not feel that way. I’d like to feel like everyone else. I’d like to feel the missing puzzle piece that is joy and be able to feel whole.
Sadly, that puzzle piece continues to elude me–but that doesn’t mean I won’t still try.
So, what do I do? I fake it. Day after day, night after night, I pretend to feel something I don’t, in hopes that maybe one day I’ll feel it for real.
And I know I’m not the only one out there feeling this way. I know there are others feeling this way at this exact moment. Which leads me to this blog post. I’d like to try and help. Whether it be by helping you to feel less alone or by offering some perspective and useful advice. Consider this my depressing-yet-hopefully-uplifting Christmas present to all of you 
