Might be over now, but I feel it still.
Dearest readers,
There's nothing like an automobile accident to pull things back into perspective for you.
When I ended up injured from the impact, I struggled with frustration about not being able to do basic things, like feeding myself or getting dressed. Forced to be dependent on others for weeks (and I am still in the process of recovery, so I'm still relying dearly upon their kindness), I was forced to reevaluate what's important. I push myself hard a lot of the time, so I've come to the realization that, oftentimes, the effort is just as important as the result.
Let's take another look at those resolutions.
Resolution #1: Reach 65% fluency in French, Spanish, German, Italian, and Russian
I fluctuated wildly with this goal, almost meeting that milestone and then dropping precipitously, only to work my way back to it. Along the way, I also picked up an interest in Japanese, which I never expected to happen. I know some Arabic, too, which wasn't on the radar. I haven't given up on this goal and will continue to work towards it in 2018, but I've decided not to be so hard on myself for any discrepancies. I look around at the political climate where people make no effort to bridge the gap between themselves and those they deem "foreigners" and the xenophobia sickens me. The fact that I'm trying to speak someone else's language is something I should feel is deserving of a miniature internal high-five in and of itself. Because I really am trying and sometimes -- sometimes -- that is enough.
Resolution #2: Raise guitar proficiency on Tom Petty's "American Girl" by at least 25%
I couldn't put my own clothes on. It made me feel as if mastering that final riff wasn't all that important. I'm never going to be Stevie Nicks, so I've decided to hang up my delusional thinking and retire to the mere fun zone. That's right. Playing guitar for me is recreational and shouldn't be something I'm pushing myself to ridiculous lengths as if my life depends on it. My life doesn't. It's not a career. I'm an amateur who has only had a guitar for two seconds, relatively speaking. And I don't really care anymore whether I sound all that great. And I know that sounds like apathy, but it's very much the opposite. I don't care about sounding great. I care about having fun and embrace the fun of the guitar. And the more I feel this way, the more I cannot wait to get back in the physical shape necessary to play again.
Resolution #3: Clear my backlog of unwatched films and TV boxsets
This is an impossible task. I have chipped away, but I don't think I will ever really be done. I replenish my stock too readily to ever run out. That being said, I finished Veronica Mars, which has been a long time coming. We won't go into all the feelings I felt watching that finale. Suffice it to say, I'm glad the film rectified the situation.
In addition, I watched my Blu-ray of The Lion King, arguably my favourite Disney film; finished the sixth and final season of Girls; and continued grinding away at the fourth season of Cheers.
But, in the same time, I purchased Patch Adams, two seasons of The Middle, three seasons of American Horror Story, and the complete Mary Tyler Moore Show. I was also gifted Hacksaw Ridge. And I buried my nose in Netflix, watching Thirteen Reasons Why, GLOW, Stranger Things, The Crown, and oh-so-many stand-up comedy specials.
And that's fine. I like films and I like television, so it's normal to expect that I would do such a thing. And the fact that I have tons more to watch just means a recipe for some cuddly and fun nights in watching this or that with my loved ones. I couldn't be happier at the prospect of it, so why deny myself that?
In fact, this resolution is not only ludicrous in its unrealistic sense of plausibility but equally so in that its achievement would probably bring me unhappiness. Why would I resolve to do that?
Resolution #4: The 2017 Super-Mega-Ultra-Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie Chelsey Cosh Reading Challenge™!
Reading is very fun for me. I love learning about new books, reading them, and discussing them ad nauseum.
I happened to read Big Little Lies in the last few weeks of March because I wanted to, not because it was part of this challenge I had committed myself to. As it happens, the book was set in Australia, so it did actually cross off a prompt on my challenge, but I didn't know that. No, I read the book simply because I wanted to. Reading challenge be damned. That was my attitude.
And I freaking loved Big Little Lies. When I wasn't tied to this challenge, constantly trying to get ahead of it, I opted to read books for the heck of it and was so much happier for it.
Now, I do understand the purpose of reading challenges. They force people to look outside of what they normally read, venturing into the unfamiliar to see if there is something they might like. It gets you out of ruts. And, for some, it encourages you to read a book for the first time in an eternity.
But I don't need to be pushed to look for something new. And I certainly don't need to be pushed to read. I love reading. I have always loved reading.
So, while I may not have read a book about a mother-son relationship or a book about a murder, I did read a banned book, a book written by a woman of colour, and a book with a transgender protagonist -- all because I wanted to read them. Not once did I think, "Ooh, I can check this off the list." No, I read them purely because I was dying to see what happens.
That is the beauty of literature. It encourages the curiosity, that yearning to learn more, and allows transportation to an entirely different realm as long as your imagination can take you there. When that magic floats me off wide-eyed on a cloud of my own thoughts, I will be sure to update you on that ineffable thing we all share. Yes, I know we share it. One day, I hope my writing offers that gift to someone. Because that gift is priceless. By virtue of its wonder, I will never be able to articulate that special quality, but I know I'm not alone in this feeling.
And I can assure you that I will continue recommending novels, films, music, and television shows to anyone who will listen and, I'm sure, express my disgust for those pieces of art that rub me the wrong way in what can only be described as a total bitchfest. (To paraphrase what Olympia Dukakis once said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.")
And, yes, while I did not meet any of my goals set by these particular set of resolutions that I set for 2017, I did learn a lot and I think that is probably more important than the arbitrary finish line I established on a whim.
Here's to all of you readers out there. I wish you a wonderful 2018, sparkly and new with all the promise that holds.
Stay warm, safe, and merry.
There's nothing like an automobile accident to pull things back into perspective for you.
When I ended up injured from the impact, I struggled with frustration about not being able to do basic things, like feeding myself or getting dressed. Forced to be dependent on others for weeks (and I am still in the process of recovery, so I'm still relying dearly upon their kindness), I was forced to reevaluate what's important. I push myself hard a lot of the time, so I've come to the realization that, oftentimes, the effort is just as important as the result.
Let's take another look at those resolutions.
Resolution #1: Reach 65% fluency in French, Spanish, German, Italian, and Russian
I fluctuated wildly with this goal, almost meeting that milestone and then dropping precipitously, only to work my way back to it. Along the way, I also picked up an interest in Japanese, which I never expected to happen. I know some Arabic, too, which wasn't on the radar. I haven't given up on this goal and will continue to work towards it in 2018, but I've decided not to be so hard on myself for any discrepancies. I look around at the political climate where people make no effort to bridge the gap between themselves and those they deem "foreigners" and the xenophobia sickens me. The fact that I'm trying to speak someone else's language is something I should feel is deserving of a miniature internal high-five in and of itself. Because I really am trying and sometimes -- sometimes -- that is enough.
Resolution #2: Raise guitar proficiency on Tom Petty's "American Girl" by at least 25%
I couldn't put my own clothes on. It made me feel as if mastering that final riff wasn't all that important. I'm never going to be Stevie Nicks, so I've decided to hang up my delusional thinking and retire to the mere fun zone. That's right. Playing guitar for me is recreational and shouldn't be something I'm pushing myself to ridiculous lengths as if my life depends on it. My life doesn't. It's not a career. I'm an amateur who has only had a guitar for two seconds, relatively speaking. And I don't really care anymore whether I sound all that great. And I know that sounds like apathy, but it's very much the opposite. I don't care about sounding great. I care about having fun and embrace the fun of the guitar. And the more I feel this way, the more I cannot wait to get back in the physical shape necessary to play again.
Resolution #3: Clear my backlog of unwatched films and TV boxsets
This is an impossible task. I have chipped away, but I don't think I will ever really be done. I replenish my stock too readily to ever run out. That being said, I finished Veronica Mars, which has been a long time coming. We won't go into all the feelings I felt watching that finale. Suffice it to say, I'm glad the film rectified the situation.
In addition, I watched my Blu-ray of The Lion King, arguably my favourite Disney film; finished the sixth and final season of Girls; and continued grinding away at the fourth season of Cheers.
But, in the same time, I purchased Patch Adams, two seasons of The Middle, three seasons of American Horror Story, and the complete Mary Tyler Moore Show. I was also gifted Hacksaw Ridge. And I buried my nose in Netflix, watching Thirteen Reasons Why, GLOW, Stranger Things, The Crown, and oh-so-many stand-up comedy specials.
And that's fine. I like films and I like television, so it's normal to expect that I would do such a thing. And the fact that I have tons more to watch just means a recipe for some cuddly and fun nights in watching this or that with my loved ones. I couldn't be happier at the prospect of it, so why deny myself that?
In fact, this resolution is not only ludicrous in its unrealistic sense of plausibility but equally so in that its achievement would probably bring me unhappiness. Why would I resolve to do that?
Resolution #4: The 2017 Super-Mega-Ultra-Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie Chelsey Cosh Reading Challenge™!
Reading is very fun for me. I love learning about new books, reading them, and discussing them ad nauseum.
I happened to read Big Little Lies in the last few weeks of March because I wanted to, not because it was part of this challenge I had committed myself to. As it happens, the book was set in Australia, so it did actually cross off a prompt on my challenge, but I didn't know that. No, I read the book simply because I wanted to. Reading challenge be damned. That was my attitude.
And I freaking loved Big Little Lies. When I wasn't tied to this challenge, constantly trying to get ahead of it, I opted to read books for the heck of it and was so much happier for it.
Now, I do understand the purpose of reading challenges. They force people to look outside of what they normally read, venturing into the unfamiliar to see if there is something they might like. It gets you out of ruts. And, for some, it encourages you to read a book for the first time in an eternity.
But I don't need to be pushed to look for something new. And I certainly don't need to be pushed to read. I love reading. I have always loved reading.
So, while I may not have read a book about a mother-son relationship or a book about a murder, I did read a banned book, a book written by a woman of colour, and a book with a transgender protagonist -- all because I wanted to read them. Not once did I think, "Ooh, I can check this off the list." No, I read them purely because I was dying to see what happens.
That is the beauty of literature. It encourages the curiosity, that yearning to learn more, and allows transportation to an entirely different realm as long as your imagination can take you there. When that magic floats me off wide-eyed on a cloud of my own thoughts, I will be sure to update you on that ineffable thing we all share. Yes, I know we share it. One day, I hope my writing offers that gift to someone. Because that gift is priceless. By virtue of its wonder, I will never be able to articulate that special quality, but I know I'm not alone in this feeling.
And I can assure you that I will continue recommending novels, films, music, and television shows to anyone who will listen and, I'm sure, express my disgust for those pieces of art that rub me the wrong way in what can only be described as a total bitchfest. (To paraphrase what Olympia Dukakis once said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.")
And, yes, while I did not meet any of my goals set by these particular set of resolutions that I set for 2017, I did learn a lot and I think that is probably more important than the arbitrary finish line I established on a whim.
Here's to all of you readers out there. I wish you a wonderful 2018, sparkly and new with all the promise that holds.
Stay warm, safe, and merry.
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