this is stupid
Every day, I open up this editor.
Every day, I sit here at my desk, and stare at the empty space.
Every day I struggle to find something to put into the empty space.
And every day, after hours of frustration and false starts that lead nowhere, I close it.
I hate this. I hate this so much. I used to get stuff done every day, even if it was only a few hundred words, but this whole fucking year I keep feeling like none of this matters and none of this is worth the effort and nobody cares and there’s just no reason to do any of it.
I really really really hate this.
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Jini
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Dec 12, 2017 04:03AM
Depression lies, Wil. You are amazing and talented. We love you.
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I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Please just remember that while it may not be today or tomorrow, these low feelings will pass and you'll be your productive self again. Nothing kills happiness and productivity like pressure, so look after yourself first and do something that makes your life a little brighter. Sorry if this sounds like platitudes, but just know that there are anonymous strangers out there in this wide world who care about your wellbeing. Look after yourself first and give yourself a break.
I was going to like this...but I don't like this! Take solace in the fact that you did open it, and you did write something!
And it's been read!!!!
Have a great day today!
Please do not give up opening up that editor. Maybe you are unable to write what you feel you must, so instead write what is in your heart, like you did today. We are here for you.
I just wanted to say how much you've been an inspiration to me these past few years. After reading your book "Just a Geek" and seeing you in interviews talking about mental health, you've helped me see myself in a whole new light. Thank you for being you, don't ever change.
It matters more than you could know. The more open people are about depression, others know that they are not alone. You are appreciated oh so much.
Would it help to remind yourself that you have felt this way before and you have come out of that deep, deep well of darkness and got stuff done again? That's what helps me. I have struggled with deppression for close to 60 years. I think I was a happy kid but it all changed. Thankfully I get my highs too, but when I am so depressed I cannot even see right (even the sun seens dimmer) and feeling worthless and stupid, I keep telling myself "It's a lie, it's a lie and it's a lie that you'll never feel different." Of course, at the time it seems that the lie is that I have any worth but it reminds me that I put on that wall of defense for a good reason.I wish you only the best. I loved your work when you were a child and I love the person you turned out to be. Always look forward to your posts and anything you write. Shame that we have to deal with this crap.
Oh, and I don't know how it is for other people, but with time my episodes of depression have been farther apart and shorter, specially in the last 10 years or so. Here's hoping you feel good soon.
This year has been awful for a lot of us. Maybe things aren't right for writing, and that can be okay too. You're a busy guy; you can cut yourself some slack.
I can tell you that *you* matter. Even in the depths of my depression, the good bits of my brain whisper "Remember what Wil says - depression lies." And that's helped keep me going more than I thought it would.
I can tell you that *you* matter. Even in the depths of my depression, the good bits of my brain whisper "Remember what Wil says - depression lies." And that's helped keep me going more than I thought it would.
It is hard. I cut myself a little slack - writing is fickle - and I sometimes don't feel like doing it. Sometimes I just share a thought, which you did. Sometimes I write something silly, just because I can. Sometimes I share a list. Sometimes I write about jello or cooking or family or dreams. Sometimes I even write about not being able to write.
We care. Whether or not it's worth the effort is up to you, but we care either way. <3
Sometimes life makes us feel worthless and every single thing is hard. Hang in there. Inspiration will come. Action and productiveness will happen again. Your work matters, your happiness matters, and this is a temporary situation. It'll improve - don't give up.
You made an effort. That matters. Sometimes even opening the editor is hard, but you did it anyway. Maybe you can reward yourself for taking that step? I went nearly two years unable to do anything I wanted or needed to do. Then I started giving myself buttons (a pencil drawn circle with a relevant letter written inside) and stickers for getting even the smallest of tasks done, like taking a shower, or reading for 5 minutes at a stretch. Because however easy and insignificant that may be for others, they were big achievements for me. And I deserved a pat on the back for each of them. I still struggle nearly every day, but I have come so far and have done so much. And so have you. Just take a look back.It's okay to hate this. It's all so fucking unfair. But you opened up the editor today. That's a victory.
I'm glad you share a part of you and your talent, despite the frustration. People take notice, it does matter. And I'm very glad you do it!
The only thing that is certain in life is "change". This, too, shall change.Platitudes aside, we appreciate you. Thanks for trying, even when you feel like you havent made progress. The effort to do something is valuable, even when results disappoint.
I used to teach high school English, and I'll tell you what I used to tell my kids - make the page your bitch! It doesn't matter what you write, just write something. You get to control what is put on the page, and you can make the denizens of the worlds you create do whatever the hell you want them to.
I know this feeling way, way too well. I'm sorry it's got you in its teeth. You wrote this post, though, so you're fighting. For that you have my admiration. *Hugs*
Depression is a hard task master. I've dealt with it off and on for a long time. Right now I'm able to without meds but these past few months have been really hard. Take comfort in know that you are loved and thought of often. This too shall pass and you will again move on to better, brighter things.
#SickNotWeak my friend. You're not alone in the battle.
Ah, writer's block.That too will pass
-A fellow Sufferer
I know just what you mean! I am in the process of writing what will be a science fiction trilogy. My first book project.
When I get writer's block I have other projects to do. The current alternate project is learning Spanish. I also have full courses for Japanese and Mandarin when I need a break from writing.
Last year I wrote a 3D graphics program in Python. I want to extend it to a full course on Linear Algebra. I also have a couple of design projects, a model steam locomotive and another large mechanical design.
All of these and others are fodder for imagining new possibilities for my story.
Wil, depression lies to you again. I'm sorry to hear that and I know the feeling of beating yourself up over the fact that "you achieved nothing today, you worthless excuse of a human being" (that's what I hear the voice in my head tell me every now and then...).
On good days we know this is not true - as others said above, having the willpower to open up the editor already counts!
But the bad days will not let us believe this truth.
So, maybe this was just not the year for writing.
I believe we have years for different things in life- maybe next year will be a writing-year again, or maybe not. Maybe it was (and will be) the year for learning a new language or how to cook or spend time with loved ones. All these things count, too.
Sending good vibes your way, hoping you'll get happier soon.
I try to live out my story in my imagination. I do other projects to get inspiration for my story. I also find it useful to watch videos on different subjects, scientific and artistic, and I listen to interviews with successful authors.
You can do it! Maybe not today or tomorrow, but keep trying and it will come. You're a very talented person. This is just a slump.
Well Wil, A cool greeting is it not. Isn't all life relative? I mean, through all the roles you've presented us, we feel like we know you. But, we don't. A post like this is insightful as to what's going on in your head.
I'm not a terribly good self-motivator, so I have made friends in my writer's group that I have to produce something for them to hash over. We have a couple writers that are near perfect. I told them, please leave a glaring error somewhere in the piece for me to find. That way, I can feel like I'm contributing. I'm not sure if you have associations like that, but if you do - I'll bet they look to you like that (near perfect). Please make a mistake so I can feel human. Ha...
I'm not going into depression and bouncing back because I know you know volumes more about it than I do already. I do have a background in management and the tech world. One of the things I think I've learned is motivation is eternal and so the only way people can be motivated is to set up conditions that will trigger the desire to do whatever.
For me it was my desire to do proud by my Mom until she passed, then to bosses that I admired and of course family. But, the family is the worst when it comes to critical feedback. They all think we walk on water and are hesitant to say otherwise. Well, except for maybe that crazy Aunt.
For you, I think you have a microcosmic extended family in all your fans (which I am one, by the way). You can tell by all the encouragement you've gotten in this comment stream.
Okay, so much for all the rambling. I guess I'm suggesting look too what and who you care about outside of yourself. Losing oneself in the service of others will bring joy to the heart.
That's it... thanks for sharing.
I have this feelings some days, but you go to work and look forward to any good news. Have a good day.
When we come up on artist’s block we restrict the possibilities. For example- i can only produce a dog on this type of paper with this medium and this pencil. Suddenly, it becomes a lot easier. Sometimes the presence of so many possibilities choke us- take away the choices and you dig deep and find a well. If subjects are overwhelming put pieces of paper in a bowl with subjects- depression, scifi, work, family, whatever- and choose your subject by draw. Still too much? Ancillary bowl to drill the topic down - suddenly you have depression and family, depression and work etc. frees up the decision making and inspires. And don’t beat yourself up!
I’m rooting for you Will. I appreciate all the creativity you share with us. Life is better because you are in it. You have value. You matter to me and so many others. Thankyou for shining your light. We see it shining even when you dont feel it shining.
Even a false start is a start. Words that are deleted still count as words that were written. It's been a terrible year. Even without depression, you can see how dispirited people are. We're all here in your virtual corner - and I've also seen evidence of you on my television - depression makes you blind - but we'll see for you...What about some stupid writing prompts? Fan fic? A recounting of your favorite trip? It might not be the creative output you're looking for, but it might help to jump start something?
You wrote this and I read it. It mattered to me. Everything you write doesn't have to be a novel, a short story, an article or whatever else you think it needs to be. I loved your piece, it was heart felt and real and about your feelings. IMHO it was a darn good piece of writing.
And, yet... There is always something to say. If it is not there now, it will be later. Everyone of us will wait until your Muse hits you with a 2x4. The best thing about life is it never stops. Hugs.
You should feel inspired by the fact you're going through one of the (hardest) most normal things of a creative individual, and especially a writer. Get as many thoughts out like this as you can. These build you up! Cheers brother.
This has been a tough year for a lot of people! Hang in there!! Each day is a new beginning!!
Thank you for sharing this. Because for someone like you who is successful going through the same struggles as I am makes life a little easier. It brings that feeling of I am not alone in this. I have been working/struggling and feeling like I get no where. I know that most of that is in my head but it is so hard to get past that little voice inside.
I have read that it takes 10 good things to make up for one bad one. With all the bad things I have said to myself already this year, I will have to spend the rest saying only good things.
So here is one good thing to you, Wil Wheaton, I think you are amazing, funny, witty and a great writer. Here is to a positive 2018! I hope yours is already off to a great start.
