Making Radio Waves
Recently, in a blatant effort to get attention, I announced that I was running for mayor of San Francisco. And it's working! Today the San Francisco Chronicle sat up and took notice, as Emmy-winning radio personality and columnist Ben Fong-Torres trumpeted my candidacy in his column Radio Waves.
I don't want to make too much of being mentioned in Ben's column—by, say, leading this blog with it, posting it on Facebook, tweeting on Twitter, throwing a victory party, hiring a skywriter, or spraying graffiti on City Hall. That's all fine for the other candidates, such as Ed Lee. If Ed wants to waste the taxpayer's money throwing extravagant parties, hiring skywriters, and spraying graffiti all over City Hall, that's his business. I won't judge him. Other people may, but not me.
Ed Lee's motto is "Ed Lee gets it done." My motto is "How bad could he be?" Ed's motto is pedestrian and vague. My motto is aspirational. Ed's motto is focused on "it." What is "it"? Ed doesn't say. For all you, the voter, know, Ed is talking about buying a dozen eggs and a half gallon of milk. Or maybe he is talking about dismantling the Golden Gate Bridge, although why Ed Lee would want to dismantle San Francisco's most famous landmark and a vital artery for the entire state is beyond me. My point is Ed's motto doesn't really inspire.
On the other hand, "How bad could he be?" is a motto for the ages. Over the centuries many great leaders have been chosen on exactly this basis. A couple of kingmakers get together in a corner, blow some smoke rings, talk about their golf games, and then start kicking around a couple of names.
"There's Marc," says the first kingmaker. "He gets it done."
"Get's what done?" asks a second kingmaker.
"There's Julius," says a third kingmaker, blowing a particularly fabulous smoke ring.
"Julius!" says the first kingmaker. "I hadn't thought of him."
"Julius," says the second kingmaker, mulling it over. "How bad could he be?"
Clinking glasses, they all agree, "To Julius Caesar!"
I don't want to compare myself too closely to Julius Caesar. I would prefer the George Washington model: retiring at the end of an illustrious career, beloved, wearing nothing but the finest wooden teeth, etc, etc.
And so I say to you, San Francisco, if called upon to serve, I will reverse Ed Lee's decision to dismantle the Golden Gate Bridge. I will do my utmost to live up to my campaign slogan.
