The Good, Bad and Ugly of Social Media

I love social media. I love how it has connected people in so many ways. From finding friends long gone to making new friends and from building communities to providing a space for advocacy, Facebook, Twitter and other social sites have done wonders for many of us. It’s truly miraculous that I can connect with a friend on the other side of the world instantly and get an instant reply back. But the dark, ugly side is that social media has illegitimately given permission for people to be rude, mean and vile. I say illegitimate because just having a platform to say what you want to say doesn’t mean it is right or good for you to say it. Something in our humanity has been lost when there are many in our culture who have forgotten what good manners and decency are all about. I’m not going to go deeper into the cause of this, but you know what I am referring to. (Parents, teach your children please. HINT: Lead by example, because society certainly isn’t.) Using social media to share an opinion or idea, and engaging others in discussion is healthy. It’s what adults do. Adults who behave otherwise aren’t behaving like adults. They are behaving like children. Unfortunately, there are too many children masquerading as adults on social media, spewing their low EQ for the world to hear as though anyone really cares what they think. (And yes, I am sharing what I think… and you should only care if you want to. I’m fine with you disregarding my thoughts and moving on.) They say things on social media that the majority would NEVER say to your face if they walked into your front door or met you on the street. The distance and immediacy of social media has created an environment that almost encourages people to troll. So why this post now? I encountered a troll today. Some guy who I don’t know made a negative comment on my Facebook wall. I replied back with an honest answer, but I wasn’t combative at all. His trolling got worse and he took it upon himself to be the moral arbiter of MY character. On my wall. I may not own Facebook, but my feed is my house. You are a guest here, just as I am a guest on yours. In the past, I would further engage such a person and seek to explain myself… to validate why I did what I did in a certain situation. But I realized that this rarely led to a healthier dialogue with such a person. Instead, they saw it as a battle to win. And it’s a battle that couldn’t be won. That’s why I no longer engage with trolls. I block them. No questions asked. No explanations given. Poof! Gone. YOU get to decide what you let into your life. And if you think you are going to win someone rude, mean or vile over by arguing with them and trying to make your case, you have entered the mud-wrestling contest with a pig. You will both end up pretty darned messy. Once I became okay with NOT having to explain myself to others, my emotional state on social media improved. And my feed got more positive. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for what you do (unless you are hurting or harming that person or someone close to them.) Just as you don’t have to let anyone into your house or tolerate a rude guest, you get to decide who and what you will allow on your Facebook feed. You create your own boundaries.

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