Tips on Starting a Book - Part 4
Dialogue: Making Your Characters Come Alive
For me, dialogue is the most important part of the book because it’s where the characters really come alive. It’s also the most difficult part to write.
When I lived in London, Ontario, I was fortunate enough to be in a critique group with Pat Brown (AKA P.A. Brown AKA G.K. Parker). Pat has written quite a few books and I think the strength of her writing is in the dialogue. Whenever I would present something to our group, Pat would literally stroke out half the words I’d written. She told me that people don’t speak in full, properly structured sentences. They speak in short bursts with a lot of give and take. To this day, I have to remind myself to get rid of the unnecessary words from my dialogue.
Pat would also remind me to make sure that my characters sounded different. Below are a couple of lines from her book Ashes & Ice which is about Irish immigrants coming to America in 1887.
“Here now, whut ya doin’ up here?” The oldest crewman, his face seamed from decades at sea, snapped, “Get below.”
Johnny stood his ground. “Soon as I do my duty to the bairn. Sure’n she didna deserve to die like this. I’m fetching the priest to say Mass.”
“That auld sod-knocker be in his cups by now. He ain’t likely to have God’s ear tonight.”
Tip: Make your dialogue sound real, with a lot of give and take. People speak in short bursts, not in properly structured sentences.
When you write the first draft of your dialogue, I’m sure you will be stunned by the number of times you use “he said” or “she said”. Don’t worry about it. Just get the dialogue out while it’s flowing and then go back and fix it in the editing stage.
You’ll probably be tempted to change the word “said” to other words like “exclaimed” just to break the repetition. Don’t do it.
One thing you can do to break the repetition of “said” in your dialogue is to use beats. Beats are also used to slow down the pace of the dialogue to match the scene you’re writing.
The following is a brief example of some dialogue I wrote in the first draft of my novel “The Second Shooter”. It’s a scene between Laura and her best friend Sam (Samantha).
Sam pulled two wine glasses from the cabinet, pulled a half-full bottle of white wine from the fridge, and filled their glasses almost to the rims.
“There’s not much to tell,” Laura said.
“Bullshit”, Sam said.
Laura explained how David was in some trouble and had come by her place looking for his father. Henry had told her to take care of him until he arrived, but then Todd had shown up to arrest him.
“How did Todd know he was here?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know,” Laura said. “Henry asked the same question. I think he might be a bit jealous of Todd.”
“Well, duh,” Sam said.
“What do you mean?” Laura asked.
“How could he not be jealous of Todd?” Sam said. “He’s your old boyfriend and he hangs around you all the time. And he’s got a body that any woman with a pulse would want to do in an instant.”
“He’s not around that much,” Laura said. “We’re just friends and he’s helping me with some research for a story.”
“He always seems to be helping you with one thing or another,” Sam said. “Face it – the guy has still got a thing for you. The big question is whether you’ve still got a thing for him.”
“Absolutely not,” Laura said. “And when you said any woman with a pulse would want to do Todd, does that include you?”
“Because we’re friends, I’m not going to answer that,” Sam said.
Pretty awful, right? It’s got way too many “saids”. The following is the same scene from the final version of the book. I’ve eliminated a lot of the “saids” simply because they weren’t necessary. In a two-person conversation, it’s usually pretty obvious who is speaking. In the following, I’ve bolded the parts to illustrate where I’ve added beats.
Sam pulled two wine glasses from the cabinet, grabbed a half-full bottle of white wine from the fridge, and filled their glasses almost to the rims.
“There’s not much to tell,” Laura said as she took a healthy sip from her wine glass.
Sam looked unconvinced. “Bullshit.”
Laura explained how David was in some kind of trouble and had come by her place looking for his father. Henry had told her to take care of him until he arrived, but then Todd had shown up to arrest him.
“How did Todd know he was here?”
“I don’t know,” Laura said. “Henry asked the same question.” She took another sip of wine. “I think he might be a bit jealous of Todd.”
“Well, duh.”
“What do you mean?”
“How could he not be jealous of Todd? He’s your old boyfriend and he hangs around you all the time. And he’s got a body that any woman with a pulse would want to do in an instant.”
“He’s not around that much,” Laura protested. “We’re just friends and he’s helping me with some research for a story.”
Sam shook her head in disbelief. “He always seems to be helping you with something. Face it – the guy’s still got a thing for you. The big question is whether you’ve still got a thing for him.”
“Absolutely not,” Laura said. She was tired of playing defense and decided a little offence was called for. “And when you said any woman with a pulse would want to do Todd, does that include you?”
“Because we’re friends, I’m not going to answer that.”
One thing that Stephen King recommends in his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft is to avoid the use of adverbs and I agree with that advice. That’s where you add adverbs like jokingly, angrily or menacingly after the word said. (e.g. “Put it down!” Todd said angrily).
Tip: If you really want to improve your dialogue, take a scriptwriting course.
When writing a stage play or a screenplay, the quality of the dialogue you’ve written is totally exposed. It can be a bit painful to see it sliced and diced, but your writing will improve because of it.
Watch for part 5 of this series where the topics are:
Showing versus Telling
Revising and Editing
For me, dialogue is the most important part of the book because it’s where the characters really come alive. It’s also the most difficult part to write.
When I lived in London, Ontario, I was fortunate enough to be in a critique group with Pat Brown (AKA P.A. Brown AKA G.K. Parker). Pat has written quite a few books and I think the strength of her writing is in the dialogue. Whenever I would present something to our group, Pat would literally stroke out half the words I’d written. She told me that people don’t speak in full, properly structured sentences. They speak in short bursts with a lot of give and take. To this day, I have to remind myself to get rid of the unnecessary words from my dialogue.
Pat would also remind me to make sure that my characters sounded different. Below are a couple of lines from her book Ashes & Ice which is about Irish immigrants coming to America in 1887.
“Here now, whut ya doin’ up here?” The oldest crewman, his face seamed from decades at sea, snapped, “Get below.”
Johnny stood his ground. “Soon as I do my duty to the bairn. Sure’n she didna deserve to die like this. I’m fetching the priest to say Mass.”
“That auld sod-knocker be in his cups by now. He ain’t likely to have God’s ear tonight.”
Tip: Make your dialogue sound real, with a lot of give and take. People speak in short bursts, not in properly structured sentences.
When you write the first draft of your dialogue, I’m sure you will be stunned by the number of times you use “he said” or “she said”. Don’t worry about it. Just get the dialogue out while it’s flowing and then go back and fix it in the editing stage.
You’ll probably be tempted to change the word “said” to other words like “exclaimed” just to break the repetition. Don’t do it.
One thing you can do to break the repetition of “said” in your dialogue is to use beats. Beats are also used to slow down the pace of the dialogue to match the scene you’re writing.
The following is a brief example of some dialogue I wrote in the first draft of my novel “The Second Shooter”. It’s a scene between Laura and her best friend Sam (Samantha).
Sam pulled two wine glasses from the cabinet, pulled a half-full bottle of white wine from the fridge, and filled their glasses almost to the rims.
“There’s not much to tell,” Laura said.
“Bullshit”, Sam said.
Laura explained how David was in some trouble and had come by her place looking for his father. Henry had told her to take care of him until he arrived, but then Todd had shown up to arrest him.
“How did Todd know he was here?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know,” Laura said. “Henry asked the same question. I think he might be a bit jealous of Todd.”
“Well, duh,” Sam said.
“What do you mean?” Laura asked.
“How could he not be jealous of Todd?” Sam said. “He’s your old boyfriend and he hangs around you all the time. And he’s got a body that any woman with a pulse would want to do in an instant.”
“He’s not around that much,” Laura said. “We’re just friends and he’s helping me with some research for a story.”
“He always seems to be helping you with one thing or another,” Sam said. “Face it – the guy has still got a thing for you. The big question is whether you’ve still got a thing for him.”
“Absolutely not,” Laura said. “And when you said any woman with a pulse would want to do Todd, does that include you?”
“Because we’re friends, I’m not going to answer that,” Sam said.
Pretty awful, right? It’s got way too many “saids”. The following is the same scene from the final version of the book. I’ve eliminated a lot of the “saids” simply because they weren’t necessary. In a two-person conversation, it’s usually pretty obvious who is speaking. In the following, I’ve bolded the parts to illustrate where I’ve added beats.
Sam pulled two wine glasses from the cabinet, grabbed a half-full bottle of white wine from the fridge, and filled their glasses almost to the rims.
“There’s not much to tell,” Laura said as she took a healthy sip from her wine glass.
Sam looked unconvinced. “Bullshit.”
Laura explained how David was in some kind of trouble and had come by her place looking for his father. Henry had told her to take care of him until he arrived, but then Todd had shown up to arrest him.
“How did Todd know he was here?”
“I don’t know,” Laura said. “Henry asked the same question.” She took another sip of wine. “I think he might be a bit jealous of Todd.”
“Well, duh.”
“What do you mean?”
“How could he not be jealous of Todd? He’s your old boyfriend and he hangs around you all the time. And he’s got a body that any woman with a pulse would want to do in an instant.”
“He’s not around that much,” Laura protested. “We’re just friends and he’s helping me with some research for a story.”
Sam shook her head in disbelief. “He always seems to be helping you with something. Face it – the guy’s still got a thing for you. The big question is whether you’ve still got a thing for him.”
“Absolutely not,” Laura said. She was tired of playing defense and decided a little offence was called for. “And when you said any woman with a pulse would want to do Todd, does that include you?”
“Because we’re friends, I’m not going to answer that.”
One thing that Stephen King recommends in his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft is to avoid the use of adverbs and I agree with that advice. That’s where you add adverbs like jokingly, angrily or menacingly after the word said. (e.g. “Put it down!” Todd said angrily).
Tip: If you really want to improve your dialogue, take a scriptwriting course.
When writing a stage play or a screenplay, the quality of the dialogue you’ve written is totally exposed. It can be a bit painful to see it sliced and diced, but your writing will improve because of it.
Watch for part 5 of this series where the topics are:
Showing versus Telling
Revising and Editing
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