Writers Campaign: Hooked on Hooks

Thanks to Kimberly at Zook Book Nook, for hosting an opening hook challenge. Below is the opening paragraph to Moon Over Donamorgh, a fantasy novel. The entire first chapter is available under the Upcoming Novels tab, if anyone wants to read the whole thing.

I'm looking forward to comments. Would you keep reading? Why/Why not?

Edited to add: The first two comments on this opening were negative, and thankfully, the commentators gave some reasons for their thoughts. This is exactly what I've...