Our Single Most Memorable Thanksgivings Ever, And A Few Other Semi-Related Items

How’d it go? Did everybody survive OK? Our Thanksgiving 2017 was fairly kick-back. I still have this life-sucking cold, so I did about 20% more couch wallowing than I usually do. But our dinner was nice, with all four of us sitting around the table together, and Andy begging like a champion. Wonder how many more of those there will be? That exact configuration? There are certainly things to be thankful for.

I was in charge of the mashed potatoes, and here’s my secret: shitloads of butter. I mean, just an enormous amount… I get nothing but praise for my taters. We also had a 14 pound turkey, a gift from my employer, and it was excellent. Toney quarters apples and onions and puts ’em up the ass of that thing, and it always comes out great. The whole feast was excellent.

I flipped through the massive stack of ads that came with the newspaper yesterday, and didn’t see anything I can’t live without. I’m pretty well-stocked in the gadgetry/computer department, and our TVs are good. So, there was nothing for me. What about you? Did you fistfight your way through a mob this morning, to get a deal on a salad spinner or something? Any Black Friday must-haves? Please tell us about it, won’t you?

I like how every store uses the phrase “doorbuster.” Like, “underwear doorbuster.” Are people literally kicking the glass out of doors to get at those $2-off Hanes? Whatever. I suggest everybody just buy from Amazon, immediately after clicking through one of our links. I received a package from them today. Some aging hippie brought it straight to our front door. I didn’t have to get into a karate stance in the middle of a Target, or wrestle a woman named Tina in a 4X Flashdance shirt. I highly recommend it. Just remember our links! Very important. Simply click through one of them, and shop as normal. Thank you guys.

Oh, and the River Rats apparently won the 69th annual Commode Bowl in Dunbar. I’m sure many of you were wondering. Check out the news report here. I lived on both sides of the tracks during my 22 years there: the river side and the hill side. So, I don’t have any hardcore allegiances. But, congrats to the Rats!

I need to get ready for work. But I’ll leave you with a fairly generic Question: What is your single most memorable Thanksgiving, and why? One pops immediately to my mind. It happened during the California years, when we drove to Reno to spend Thanksgiving with Sunshine and Mumbles, and Toney’s brother. It was memorable for the following reasons:

We left at some ungodly hour, maybe like 6 am or something. I felt drugged, and was having some kind of out o’ body experience while driving. For some reason we listened to a radio program that featured people calling in asking advice on how to cook a turkey. For hours, it seems. “What about brining?” they kept asking. Oh, there was a lot of hot brining talk. I’m not sure why we didn’t pop in a CD. I think we were just partially paralyzed, and unable to undertake such a giant task.

Once we were in Reno we were sent to the store to pick up something, like dinner rolls or whatever. Toney suggested we walk, and it felt like we could be murdered at any time. Wotta shitty neighborhood! I’m no expert on that town, but don’t have a high opinion of it. It’s probably unfair, but that’s fine with me. There were questionable people slinking around in wife-beaters, etc. Shithole.

During dinner Toney’s brother suddenly stood up, excused himself, and went into the bathroom that was about five feet from the dining room table. Then we heard a super-loud assplosion that seemed to go on for quite some time, followed by several aftershocks. Nobody commented, and when he returned he just said, “Could somebody pass the stuffing?” or whatever. I guess he freed up some room?

On our drive back to the Los Angeles area we got stuck in the mother of all traffic jams. Cars were completely turned off on the interstate, and people were out throwing footballs around, making sandwiches, etc. I saw some guy over on the median just pissing, right out in the open, in a high arc. He didn’t try to get behind anything, he was just peeing right there, amongst trapped motorists who spanned the entire age, race, and socioeconomic spectrum. I have to admit, I was impressed by the distance and height he was able to achieve. I could’ve gone without seeing his wang, however.

And I need to call it a day, my friends. It’s late, as usual. Please tell us about your single most memorable Thanksgiving, if you’re so inclined. Use the comments section. Then go get all liquored up and buy a bunch of expensive shit through the Surf Report links! Yeah. These are merely suggestions, of course. I’m not the boss of you.

Oh, and one more sad, sad thing: RIP Tommy Keene. He wasn’t well known, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t great. This news made me go ugh. I think I literally made that sound when I read it. Thanks for all the great music, Tommy!

I’ll see you guys again on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

Now playing in the bunker

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