My life update - hard times but a happy ending

[pictures at the end]

I really need to do a recap of the last six weeks, because there's been a lot going on that I haven't written about.

Tripp has been traveling a lot - which had some major repercussions I want to share - and also we were on vacation for a week. I never mention things like this until after the fact for security reasons. We have a security system in our house, plus dogs, plus my loaded revolver - all of which give me a certain peace of mind, but still, I prefer not to advertise these things.

Also, I haven't been able to catch up because the day after we came home I got very sick. Went to the doctor Monday because I had a speaking engagement scheduled for today and really needed to get better. But the nurse practitioner said I just had the flu, go home and drink water, take Zyrtec and Sudafed, etc. By yesterday I was a wreck, so had to go back to see my usual nurse practitioner and she gave me steroids and antibiotics. I am feeling so much better already - well enough to give you a thorough rundown about the challenges I've been dealing with and how things are looking better today.

So wait a minute. I'm going to go make myself a cup of coffee. Maybe you want to too? I mean if you really want all the details. . .

First, August: we had barely gotten everything moved to our new house then Tripp was called away for a trip to Nantucket, where he stayed for over a week. Sophia returned to Liberty University. Tripp took Maddy to Catholic University for orientation and to say goodbye so she could start her new life. I couldn't go because we were having major problems with Daniel - our 15-year-old adopted son with Down syndrome and autism - and I didn't have a babysitter who could handle the challenge,.

Two days after the kids started school, Tripp left to drive a luxury bus cross country to Simi Valley. One of the perks of his job is that he gets to see some exciting events, and this time he saw the GOP Debates at the Reagan Library. Also the 9/11 Memorial there.

But by the time he came home, he'd been away 14 days and I was a mess.

Ordinarily, it would have been no problem - I mean other than missing him. But what happened was that Daniel's problems had escalated beyond anything I ever dreamed possible. I won't go into all the terrible details, but it was really, really bad, often leaving me crying and shaking and in despair. Just for instance, if we needed to go somewhere - the four boys and I - if Daniel refused to go, there was nothing I could do, because he is stronger than I.

I made many calls trying to find some professional help, but really had no success. I asked everyone to pray. But mostly, I just felt like I was losing my mind.

Poor kid. He really had been through so much:

moving our home
siblings going off to college
dad's travel
starting high school

And since he's autistic, he can't verbalize his feelings - even to himself. So he acts out. I kept trying to curb my reactions and accommodate him (putting him in pullups rather than getting upset when he wet his pants, often on purpose). When I said it was time to go to bed and he wouldn't budge, I'd simply turn off the lights and go upstairs to put the other boys to bed and he would finally follow. It seemed to be very important to him that he be in control of his own actions. I can see why since so many things seemed to be spinning out of his control.

One night, for a change of pace, I took the boys to a movie (Captain America) but Daniel spent the entire time fixated on staring malevolently at Jesse. He just couldn't break out of it. Fortunately, Jesse wasn't aware.

Even though I could understand it rationally, though, I really was having a hard time not sinking into self-pity. No, I'll be honest, I was wallowing in self-pity, and feeling guilty because I know so many people who have far greater problems than mine. And my back and shoulders - where I tend to gather my tension - were completely hard like a brick. Ask Tripp, who finally came home on Thursday the 15th (his birthday) and tried to hug the most unhuggable wife ever.

Maddy came home Friday night and Saturday we left for Nags Head, North Carolina. I was almost too depressed to go. I still felt hopeless and desperate and near tears all the time. Vacation would be nice, but I would be coming home to the same problems I left behind. Would I be able to relax? I, i, I, I, I - self pity is like quicksand. Pretty soon it becomes hard to let other people pull you out. I kept trying though. By nature I'm an optimist and I could only remember two other times feeling so terrible - once before I was a Christian and once when Jonny was 15 months old and hospitalized for the tenth or twelfth time.

So we got to the beach and for two days all 10 of the Curtis kids were there (my two oldest daughters - Samantha and Jasmine - were raised by Tripp but have a different father. Samantha has six kids of her own who have school and activities, so they couldn't all make it. Jasmine has chosen to estrange herself from our family) - plus two of my grandsons, Tim and Jeffrey.

Ben and Anna flew down from Rutherford, New York where he is going to grad school at Eastman for vocal performance. Sophia and her sweetheart Josh Head came down from Lynchburg.

Matt's sweetheart Emma, who lives in London, had flown in for a couple weeks, so they drove down with Zach.

And Josh and Hattie were able to make it - a real blessing since Hattie is still dealing with some major health issues, like wounds from surgeries and skin grafts which haven't yet healed and need special care. Her nurse had trained Josh in how to cleanse and dress them so she would be free to go.

And of course there were Jonny, Jesse, Daniel and Justin - our remaining children at home, our four sons with Down syndrome.

So 18 in all. There were just two days we were all together because kids had to get back to college. On Monday, Ben and Anna, Sophia and Josh left. I drove Maddy to Richmond (3 hours - but I've traveled so much in the car with Maddy that it always brings happy memories) to catch a train to DC.

Tim and Pat left Tuesday.

So then we were 11.

I love the beach, love the fresh ocean air. I don't care if it's cloudy or misty. Within a couple days I was feeling pretty normal. For years we've stayed in a 150-year-old house, one of the original Nags Head properties. We just have to walk a few steps to the beach. You can open the windows and go to sleep with the roar of the ocean.

The weather was up and down. We had a few wonderful weather days, a few off-and-on rain. One day of solid rain which was fun staying inside and watching movies. (scroll down for pictures)

I don't know how we started thinking about it, but Tripp and I began to focus on Daniel's medication. For three years, Daniel has taken a very small dose of Abilify at bedtime (2 ml = 2/5 tsp). One thing I had during the behavior siege, was weaning him off his medication in case it was making him worse. I found that for a few days his behavior was better, but then it got worse, so I put him back on.

Right before we came home, Tripp and I decided to try spreading out the dose into even smaller increments through the day. We played around with timing and sizes and by Wednesday came up with what has been a winning schedule. A dose in the morning, when he comes home from school, and at bedtime - still totaling 2 ml.

And now we have a loving, cheerful, eager-to-please and most importantly - happy - son back. I can't believe that such a simple change could have such an enormous effect. And I can't believe that I was almost ready to give up.

At times like these, I can only think that God breathes the solution into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, because I have no idea where the idea came from. And who would think that's such a micro-dose would matter that much. After all, we'd been doing it three years under the doctor's direction.

The problem was I was still not out of feeling depressed because I came home sick. As it turned out Matt, Zach, and Josh were all sick too. I'm definitely rethinking the 150-year-old house for next year as I'm starting to worry about the mold.

By the way, I really want to recommend that you tuck money away for a vacation every year. There have been years we couldn't afford a vacation, but when we do go it is always so refreshing and transformational. The children have such good memories and it really keeps our family bonded and helps bond new spouses too.

I think the best way to go is to rent a house wherever you're going. It will be less expensive and you can do your own cooking and have a washer and dryer there to keep up with laundry. If that makes it not sound like a vacation, believe me, it still is.

You have to book in advance. I will be looking this week to make our reservations for next year. I know I've said this before and actually had readers write to tell me they took my advice and were very grateful. Coming from a broken family that didn't take vacations, this was something I had to decide to do. I'm glad I did.

Here's just a little of what it looks like - to encourage you to try to take a vacation next year too:

I don't know why it always strikes me when our family gets together - all the cars. I guess it's like the trikes and bikes and green machines in the driveway when they were little:

Daniel after Tripp and I adjusted his meds - like an angel:

Justin with Emma, Matt's British girlfriend, who all my little guys love because she talks like Mary Poppins: