Heave Ho to Holiday Co-dependency

Watch for the ghost of co-dependency this season. Why now? Tis the season when we all too often give way to the needs of others to our own detriment. Maybe we go to family or other gatherings just to please others; perhaps we cook, clean, gift or pay for those who feel entitled to our care. Unless we are doing these things because of our own desire to connect, we end up feeling exhausted, disempowered or resentful … anything but festive.

When hurtful co-dependency patterns are cloaked in tradition, guilt and anxiety join the party and we quickly can feel overwhelmed and underappreciated. While connecting is important to well-being, when we prioritize others’ desires over our own, we run the risk of alienating everyone. It’s a double-edged sword.

Here 10 Ways To Break The Co-dependency Patterns That Can Hurt Us

Detach. Step back from the busy-ness of the day and give yourself the gift of space.
Check-in. How are you feeling in this moment?
Be curious. Leave judgment behind and replace it with genuine curiosity and wonder. It stops the hamster-on-the-wheel thoughts that continue to go ‘round and ‘round.
Get connected to your own body. Where in your body are you feeling tension or stress? Do you have an ‘elephant on your chest’, a tightness in your neck and shoulders or does your lower back ache? Connect the emotion with the physical sensation of where it is in your body and discover how your body responds. In this way, when you start to feel a tingling you know that the situation or conversation is unhealthy for you.
Acknowledge. Know that you are doing the best you can right now … and so is everyone else.
Listen. Just stop talking.
Eat. Nourish yourself with wholesome food and stay hydrated.
Sleep. Give your body a chance to rest, rejuvenate and heal itself.
Spend some time being you. What do you look forward to during the holidays? Spend some time doing those kinds of things every day. When you fill yourself up, it is your overflow that nourishes others; you are not depleting yourself to care for others.
Be grateful. Meet the day with fresh eyes – like you are experiencing everything and everyone for the first time.

Take that first step away from co-dependency and move toward autonomy by prioritizing yourself. Teach others how to treat you by treating yourself well. Try it!

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