Calling Mom Out; Why It’s So Hard
You have been stuffing your feelings for so long. The anger and resentment have built up to a point you know you need to say something. You’re thinking about calling her out.
So, you finally get up the courage to speak your truth and it hits you like ton of bricks- this is going to hurt mom.
What’s more, she will probably become defensive and even deny she has done anything to hurt you.
Mom can seem downright evil some days and then you get a glimpse of the insecurity she feels right beneath the surface and she seems so fragile. This keeps you stuck.
You can’t help but think, your compassionate nature is working against you.
The good daughter of the Narcissistic or difficult mother wants very much to feel love from her mother. She feels compassion for mom and doesn’t want to hurt her.
Calling her out is done with a heavy heart.
Transcript-
This is Katherine Fabrizio, with help for the good daughter suffering from the Good Daughter Syndrome.
One very complicated aspect of doing this kind of work and setting boundaries, finding your voice, claiming your life, is that you know what you have to say is going to be, on some level, hurtful to someone who you also love.
Even if you’re mad at her, you’re just so frustrated and could strangle her, you know that what you’re saying is going to be deeply unsettling on some level.
So, I find that women really want to think about this, how they do it, and it’s very important to be kind and compassionate and non-blaming, non-name calling. This needs to be gone about with care and compassion.
Postscript-
There are no easy answers, but I think it would be a mistake to only blame mom.
Make no mistake- I am relentless, some might say brutal in naming the many ways this good daughter dynamic is harmful to daughters. Yet, I think I would be is remiss to lose sight of the attachment between mothers and daughters.
Daughters feel a mix of feelings love and hate that compliment and contradict each other. And why wouldn’t they, mothers and daughters share so much.
There is an attachment, even if it is a painful one much of the time. You only have one mother.
I don’t say that to make you feel guilty. Quite the contrary, in fact.
After counseling women for over 30 years, here is the truth. I’m calling it as I know it-
If you don’t acknowledge the mix of feelings you will not be able to hold your ground when you confront mom’s hurtful behavior.
You will crumble in a heap of guilt.
Understanding there are many daughters who are hurting and many mothers who are limited and impaired is a starting place.
With kindness, understanding and the conviction that we, as women can do better. We can do this. As daughters rising we must lead the way.
Strong and kind don’t have to cancel each other out. Gratitude and truth-telling can coexist.
This is how we Rise!
DO YOU EXPERIENCE THE "GOOD DAUGHTER" SYNDROME?
Do you have a Narcissistic or Difficult Mother?
Are you the "Good Daughter"? The Rebel? or The Lucky One?
Take the quiz and find out!
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