"You can get freaky at any size and it can be good."

As we say here in Baltimore: I know that's right.

Listen to that woman.  She knows things.

But, and it's a big but (even bigger than my own firm but pliant caboose): do not make the mistake of assuming that unless and until your self-esteem and body-love are at a point where you can saunter through any room utterly starkers and feel like a sex bomb every step of the way, at any time, any day of the week, you are "not there yet."

Do not make the mistake of assuming that unless you already possess all the self-acceptance, body love, and size-positivity in the known universe, you can't be confident and happy in sexual situations.

Or indeed, any situation.

Self-esteem and loving your body are not nouns.  They're verbs.  They're not destinations, but journeys.

There's a reason that once upon a time we might've called making a journey "a progress."  I'm just sayin'.

None of us are always "there," in that mythical magical land of loving all of ourselves, all of the time.  That's okay.  That's normal and real and human.

So. Let's not turn our failure to always be a resident of some imaginary wonderland of total constant perfect self-adoration stop us from being people with bodies having experiences.

Cut yourself some slack.  Take a step back.  Find things to laugh about.

(There's a lot of absurdity out there.  Just because everyone else is acting like it's all SRS BSNS doesn't mean it is.  If your inner 6-year-old wants to laugh at it, that's a good sign that it probably really is kind of absurd.)

It's all going to be okay.

You're a person with a body having an experience.

See what there is to enjoy about the experience.  See what there is that you might enjoy more if you leaned more to the left, or said "right there, just like that" in a timely manner, or let yourself out to play a little more freely.

There is no prerequisite level of self-confidence or body love that you must attain first in order to do this.

It's a bit like what Mrs. Avoirdupois says about having a "beach body":  "Have a body, take it to the beach!  How often the simple solutions elude us!"

How do you have a happily sexual body?  Have a body.  Have sexual experiences with it and in it, and see what there is to enjoy about those experiences.  See if you can figure out ways to experience more of the enjoyable stuff.

That's how it works no matter what you weigh.

That's how it works if you woke up this morning thinking that your thighs were too big, or your boobs were too small, or you didn't have enough muscles, or your pubic hair was funny-looking.

That's how it works if you didn't.

That's what each and every one of us, fat or thin or otherwise, has to work with.

The thing that's going to reliably get you walking across the bedroom naked thinking "this is going to be awesome" is nothing more, and nothing less, than the knowledge that you're a person with a body and you're going to have experiences and you're going to bring the best game you've got.

Which is how you have good sex.

And everything else.

 

 

All shall be well,

and all shall be well, and

all manner of thing shall be well.

— St. Julian of Norwich, 1343-1420