Putting my foot in it
Anyone who really knows me will already be cognisant of the fact that I am prone to the most cringeworthy of social blunders.
In the progression of time, I have injudiciously congratulated rotund women on their pregnancies, I’ve ineptly guessed at ladies’ ages while in their presence, and once asked a chap if he and his daughter holidayed together often, only to be told that the lady was in fact his wife!
Indeed, putting one’s foot in one’s mouth is as natural to me as swimming is to a dolphin.
I am verily the Grand Master of Gaffes, the Maharajah of Misinterpretation, the Sultan of Solecism (you may wish to bow or curtsey at this point).
But, surpassing all others, my worst ever faux pas was THIS one...
(and it is a true story).
We bought our house twenty years ago (from a chap named George) and moved in the same week that my wife's granddad (also a George) died.
The house phone rang one morning. On the other end was an old lady. I didn't know any old ladies, other than my wife’s gran, so I took it to be her.
"Hell-o," I chirped.
"Who's that?" the old lady asked.
"It's Kevin," I breezed.
Her tone was confused: "Kevin?"
"Yes, Kevin. Julie's husband."
"Julie?"
(Oh bless, she's got herself in a right tizzy after losing her husband, thought I).
"Julie, your granddaughter."
"Well, where's my George?" she asked.
(Oh dear, she's evidently so consumed by grief that she's got herself in a complete muddle).
"Um, George isn't with us anymore, is he?" I said as tactfully as I could.
"Isn't with us?" she gasped, becoming yet more befuddled.
So I called upon my best soothing voice. "Yes, George, he’s ... um ... he's dead, remember?”
"DEAD? Ohhhhh ... oh, God, ohhhh ... he's dead?" she quavered, really losing it.
My wife stormed into the room and, putting me in mind of Sybil Fawlty, snatched the phone whilst simultaneously calling me an idiot (a bit uncalled for).
"I'm so sorry for my husband. How may I help you?"
"—Yes, as you know, your son has moved out of his house. We’re the new owners and you've dialled his old number. Fetch a pen and paper and I'll give you his new number..."
I very nearly gave the poor lady a heart attack.
What a twit!
: )
In the progression of time, I have injudiciously congratulated rotund women on their pregnancies, I’ve ineptly guessed at ladies’ ages while in their presence, and once asked a chap if he and his daughter holidayed together often, only to be told that the lady was in fact his wife!
Indeed, putting one’s foot in one’s mouth is as natural to me as swimming is to a dolphin.
I am verily the Grand Master of Gaffes, the Maharajah of Misinterpretation, the Sultan of Solecism (you may wish to bow or curtsey at this point).
But, surpassing all others, my worst ever faux pas was THIS one...
(and it is a true story).
We bought our house twenty years ago (from a chap named George) and moved in the same week that my wife's granddad (also a George) died.
The house phone rang one morning. On the other end was an old lady. I didn't know any old ladies, other than my wife’s gran, so I took it to be her.
"Hell-o," I chirped.
"Who's that?" the old lady asked.
"It's Kevin," I breezed.
Her tone was confused: "Kevin?"
"Yes, Kevin. Julie's husband."
"Julie?"
(Oh bless, she's got herself in a right tizzy after losing her husband, thought I).
"Julie, your granddaughter."
"Well, where's my George?" she asked.
(Oh dear, she's evidently so consumed by grief that she's got herself in a complete muddle).
"Um, George isn't with us anymore, is he?" I said as tactfully as I could.
"Isn't with us?" she gasped, becoming yet more befuddled.
So I called upon my best soothing voice. "Yes, George, he’s ... um ... he's dead, remember?”
"DEAD? Ohhhhh ... oh, God, ohhhh ... he's dead?" she quavered, really losing it.
My wife stormed into the room and, putting me in mind of Sybil Fawlty, snatched the phone whilst simultaneously calling me an idiot (a bit uncalled for).
"I'm so sorry for my husband. How may I help you?"
"—Yes, as you know, your son has moved out of his house. We’re the new owners and you've dialled his old number. Fetch a pen and paper and I'll give you his new number..."
I very nearly gave the poor lady a heart attack.
What a twit!
: )
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message 1:
by
Apatt
(new)
Nov 07, 2017 07:29AM
LOL! There! Bunged it on my FB timeline! On this occasion, you seem more Bertie Woosterish than Basil Fawlty. The Sultan of Solecism? You'll always be The Sultan of Swing to me 😉
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Too funny, Kevin! Had me laughing outloud!
Apatt wrote: "LOL! There! Bunged it on my FB timeline! On this occasion, you seem more Bertie Woosterish than Basil Fawlty. The Sultan of Solecism? You'll always be The Sultan of Swing to me 😉"Thank you so much, Apatt, my Bangkok buddy!
Nico wrote: "That was hilarious :-)"Thanks, Nico!
So kind of you to read it.
: )
Wendy wrote: "Too funny, Kevin! Had me laughing outloud!"I'm really pleased, Wendy.
Thanks for reading!
: )
Funny story! How to ruin someone’s day—that poor woman. But think how happy she was when she found out her dear George was NOT dead! I’m sure she forgave you. On the other hand, those rotund women you congratulated on their pregnancies, they never forgave you, I’m sure. Ha, don’t want to make you feel shitty...just sayin’....
Debbie wrote: "Funny story! How to ruin someone’s day—that poor woman. But think how happy she was when she found out her dear George was NOT dead! I’m sure she forgave you. On the other hand, those rotund women ..."I know no end of guys who have also made the mistake of acknowledging someone's pregnancy bump - when the lady in question wasn't actually pregnant. : (
This seems to be a mistake made only by men.
My wife said that women always wait for the lady to announce it first, lest they cause offence.
Men, though, are like children and just blurt it out! : D
Thanks, Debbie!
Oh, Kevin!! I'm half laughing and half crying (but only because I'm laughing so hard) Thank you!!!
Kimber wrote: "Kevin, your humor is priceless! Thank you for another round of raucous laughter. :)"Thanks Kimber. Kind as ever!
: )
Cheri wrote: "Oh, Kevin!! I'm half laughing and half crying (but only because I'm laughing so hard) Thank you!!!"Lovely of you to say, Cheri. Thank you so much!
: )
Carmen wrote: "Cute post."Thanks, Carmen!
Karen ☀️ wrote: "Oh Kevin..😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂"Thanks, Karen. Mission accomplished!
😃😃😃😃😃😃🤡
Wow! I needed that schadenfreudeish LOL. Very kind of you to share such a story. I'm just glad I'm not George's wife.
Cecily wrote: "Wow! I needed that schadenfreudeish LOL. Very kind of you to share such a story. I'm just glad I'm not George's wife."George’s mum.
Thanks, Cecily. Very kind of you to read my confession!
: )
That’s hilarious Kevin! Don’t worry, It’s not just you, when I was a teenager I once took somebody's entire order when they rang me instead of the Chinese takeaway. I thought it was a friend prank calling at first and went along with it, but when I realised it wasn’t I was too embarrassed to tell them and just let them rattle off the whole thing. 😳
Rachael wrote: "That’s hilarious Kevin! Don’t worry, It’s not just you, when I was a teenager I once took somebody's entire order when they rang me instead of the Chinese takeaway. I thought it was a friend prank ..."Ha! That's far better than my story, Rachael!
I'm always putting my foot in it. I once met this effeminate guy on holiday, who kept referring to his 'partner', so naturally I assumed he was gay.
The next day, I saw him with a much younger man and cooed, "So, is this handsome chap your partner?"
"He's my son," he said with an appalled look on his face! : (
Kevin wrote: "Rachael wrote: "That’s hilarious Kevin! Don’t worry, It’s not just you, when I was a teenager I once took somebody's entire order when they rang me instead of the Chinese takeaway. I thought it was..."Oh no! 😂 That has really made me laugh, I bet it was one of those moments where you wish the ground would swallow you whole! I honestly do the same sort of things as you by the sounds of it, I shouldn’t really be allowed to leave the house. It’s really funny when it's not you doing it though! Do you have any more examples?
Rachael wrote: " Do you have any more examples? ..."
Too many to list here, Rachael.
This, though, might add to your sense of schadenfreude?
One of my pet hates is shop assistants pouncing on me the moment I walk into a store. I can get quite waspy and usually give them short shrift.
Well, one fine day, I strode into a jeans shop on Gentleman's Walk (it's not there now). I walked to a shelf of neatly-folded jeans and before I had time to settle, a young guy was at my heels.
"Can I help you, sir?" he asked.
"I think I'm perfectly capable of looking for a pair of jeans," I huffed.
Before he turned away, he said, "Well, if you're happy to look in the women's jeans section, be my guest."
Brilliant. Served me right! : )
I actually sought him out and congratulated him later.
I actually laughed out loud at that! Did serve you right of course, but who doesn’t like to browse in peace?!Okay, I’ve got one for you.
I’m so short sighted that without my contact lenses, I can’t see a thing. A few years ago I was due to pick my son up from nursery but had run out of contacts and couldn’t see well enough to find my glasses (oh the irony!) but it wasn’t a long walk and I thought I’d be fine. I got there, found my son, said “hello darling, how was your day?” And went to hold his hand to walk home. A voice right behind me says “it was good thanks, Mummy.” It was my son. I’d tried to take the wrong bloody child home!
Rachael wrote: "I actually laughed out loud at that! Did serve you right of course, but who doesn’t like to browse in peace?!Okay, I’ve got one for you.
I’m so short sighted that without my contact lenses, I can’..."
Ha! Hilarious.
That would make a great Specsavers advert! : D
Love it. I actually did LOL!
Thanks for sharing, Rachael.
Kimber wrote: "Kevin wrote: "Kimber wrote: "Kevin, your humor is priceless! Thank you for another round of raucous laughter. :)"Thanks Kimber. Kind as ever!
: )"
You are welcome, Kevin. :-)"
: )
Kevin........you are most humorous! Your tale provided me with many belly laughs! Thank you for sharing!
Fran wrote: "Kevin........you are most humorous! Your tale provided me with many belly laughs! Thank you for sharing!"Very kind, Fran. If I've made you laugh, my mission is complete.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
: )
Love it, Kevin. Just the comic relief I very much needed right after finishing an emotionally draining but wonderful book. Now I can close the day on a merry note.
Laysee wrote: "Love it, Kevin. Just the comic relief I very much needed right after finishing an emotionally draining but wonderful book. Now I can close the day on a merry note."I’m especially pleased, Laysee!
Thank you for reading about my buffoonery!
A gem Kevin.....have made atrocious faux pas missteps myself such as nervous hysterical laughter at uni when a family member on the phone insisted I told a fellow student that his grandfather had died. Whom he was so close to. Ohh life. :)
Paromjit wrote: "A gem Kevin.....have made atrocious faux pas missteps myself such as nervous hysterical laughter at uni when a family member on the phone insisted I told a fellow student that his grandfather had d..."So kind of you to read this, Paromjit.
We've all made cringeworthy faux pas in our lives; I like to air some of mine in public!
: )
I'm definitely a kindred spirit in the gaff department - when's the baby due? I'm not pregnant - and other gems of that nature, which I will try to let sleep in the nether-regions of my brain. I love the Sybil Fawlty reference! I got a perfect visual of that. Thanks for the Sunday morning smile you put on my face, Kevin! :-)
Cynthia wrote: "I'm definitely a kindred spirit in the gaff department - when's the baby due? I'm not pregnant - and other gems of that nature, which I will try to let sleep in the nether-regions of my brain. I lo..."Thanks for the solidarity, Cynthia!
I think that there might be a scientific reason why creative people are more prone to gaffes ... the fanciful right-side of the brain dominating the logical left?
Well, that's my feeble excuse anyway!
; )
Very funny! Had to read to my husband (who might have done the same thing). :-)
Helen wrote: "Very funny! Had to read to my husband (who might have done the same thing). :-)"Thanks, Helen! If my indiscretions can at least raise a smile, they weren’t made in vain. 😀
And I’m pleased to learn that your husband might have been similarly injudicious. Putting one’s foot in it is more of a man thing!
Came to this hilarious tale of yours late Kev Hun. (How did I miss it?) You never fail to lift my spirits. especially at this time. The best of luck with your plans for 2020 my lovely friend.
Leila wrote: "Came to this hilarious tale of yours late Kev Hun. (How did I miss it?) You never fail to lift my spirits. especially at this time. The best of luck with your plans for 2020 my lovely friend."Thank you, Leila.
My real-life stories are more entertaining than my books! : )
Kevin wrote: "Leila wrote: "Came to this hilarious tale of yours late Kev Hun. (How did I miss it?) You never fail to lift my spirits. especially at this time. The best of luck with your plans for 2020 my lovely..."Kevin...your fun-loving interpretation of life is a gift to behold!
LOL. Both your real life stories and your books have delighted me.
Fran wrote: "Kevin...your fun-loving interpretation of life is a gift to behold!..."Thank you, wonderful Fran! And thank you for reading one of my books in 2019! Wishing you a fabulous 2020, my friend! : )
Leila wrote: "LOL. Both your real life stories and your books have delighted me."Aww, that's kind, lovely Leila! Thank you! : )
Kevin wrote: "Fran wrote: "Kevin...your fun-loving interpretation of life is a gift to behold!..."Thank you, wonderful Fran! And thank you for reading one of my books in 2019! Wishing you a fabulous 2020, my f..."
Sir Kevin...have a Happy Reading Year!👍
Kevin, this was seriously funny! 🤣 🤣I was imagining it all and chuckling and chuckling away!
HOW I wish I could watch it real time!
Nilanjana wrote: "Kevin, this was seriously funny! 🤣 🤣I was imagining it all and chuckling and chuckling away!
HOW I wish I could watch it real time!"
Delighted to have made you chuckle, Nilanjana! : D
You're only human, right, Kevin? You're not the only one. Thank you for sharing some of your faux pas with us. This definitely put a smile on my face.
Dollie wrote: "You're only human, right, Kevin? You're not the only one. Thank you for sharing some of your faux pas with us. This definitely put a smile on my face."Ah, that's lovely to hear, Dollie. Thank you very much! : )
