AU876 ON TOTAL FINANCIAL CONTROL, PART 2

(Concluding a two-part reposting by “Au876” on why it is so important for a wife-worshipping husband to surrender all financial control to his wife. —Thomas Lavalle)
Did He Give Up Control, or Did She Simply Take It?
In our marriage I no longer have any thoughts about what control I will give her or not. And, honestly, I can’t recall that I ever did. My wife simply took control, and I learned that submitting to her was pleasurable, rewarding and fulfilled me as a man.
A few of us [on Lady Misato’s original Yahoo! Husbands’ forum] have posted, saying we draw the line at financial control. My wife did not give me that choice. She took financial control, she did not ask for it. However, if she controls you, and you control the money, then that means she has simply delegated this to you. The wife should take total control, control of all matters, and the husband should obey her in all matters. She then decides what non-supervised responsibilities he is capable of and can handle as well as responsibilities that require her direct supervision. And she gives them to him at her pleasure. All issues of control are for the woman to decide, and the man to accept. We have to remember, all this is about doing what our wife wants, not what we want. If she wants you to handle the finances, then that is a duty you owe her.
No, she didn’t use physical force to gain financial control. I always have a choice. But if I choose against her will, it means no sexual release for six months. I have resisted twice and suffered through that. Having learned that lesson, I did not resist her financial control. Besides, she is much more capable than I am, and we are much better off with her in control. I understand that not all wife-led marriages will be the same. However, in my opinion, it is the wife who decides what the path for the husband will be. He can’t “top from the bottom.” A husband can discuss a matter with his wife, wonder about it, and use his intellect as best he can to come up with a possible plan of action, but in the end it is the wife who will lay down the path for the husband to follow.
Power of Attorney
You may also want to consider a power of attorney. All couples should have one, each for the other, anyway. Both of us have a signed one. I have a complete power of attorney to act in all matters on behalf of my wife. She has the same from me. We keep them in a safety-deposit box. Should she become disabled, I can act on her behalf, and, of course, the same is true in reverse.

Yes, I could get the power of attorney and do as I pleased, even while she is in good health. But, of course, I would never touch it without her permission or unless she became disabled. If I did, it would be the last thing I did as a married man. But it protects both of us should the need arise.
As between you and your wife, I do suggest you execute a power of attorney in her favor over all of your affairs. This gives her absolute and complete control. She can use it as she sees fit and never needs your permission for anything she wants to do. You should also be getting everything into her name alone. But before doing so, you may want to check with an attorney to make sure (depending on your assets) that you don’t lose your estate exception in the event of your death because you don’t have anything in your estate. That can be worked out, especially if your wife has power of attorney over any assets in your name.
In Public, Who Pays?
If we go to a fast food place, my wife studies the overhead menu a second, tells me what she wants, hands me money (usually a ten or twenty) and goes to take a seat. I order, get the food and bring it to her. I give her the change. Sometimes she tells me to keep it or at least a portion of it. Like if she gave me a twenty and the meal was seven dollars or so, she may just take the ten and let me have the rest.
When we go to any type of sit-down-and-order place to eat, we almost always pay by credit card. I take the check, look it over, add on the tip and give it to my wife who signs and gives it back to me.
As for ordering, I take my cue from her. We study the menu together. The waiter/waitress, of course, always asks for her order first. She gives her order. Sometimes she goes ahead and orders for me with no comment. Sometimes she asks me if I want her to order for me. I have never dared say “no” in front of the waiter.
Sometimes she places her order and stops. The waiter then turns to me and I place my order. About half the time when I do this she will say something like, “I don’t think you will like that, why don’t you try so and so?” If she says that, I order what she suggests because I know she wants to sample it. If we are having wine, she always orders that.
We have been doing it this way for years. Any time we eat out, it is a pleasure for me, no cooking, no cleaning up, etc. I just take my cue from her and go with it. If we are in a real fancy, upbeat place, especially if it is French or something, she always orders for both of us after we have looked over the menu together. I have a hard time even understanding some of the menu items and am grateful she does this. She knows what I like.
All this seems very normal to me. I am certainly comfortable with it. The main thing for me is to do what she wants and be a gentleman about it.
Advice and Encouragement to New Sub-Hubbies
Until you get married, it is my opinion you should not give your girlfriend control of your finances. It is fine, even good, for her to be made fully aware of them and even to approve or disapprove of your expenditures. You can heed her advice or not. But if you want to turn over financial control to her, then do it. If she is after your money, she will get it and dispose of you soon enough. Be prepared for that. It could really hurt.
But for now, maybe it is best that you simply let her teach and guide you in financial matters. Try your best to abide by her advice and wishes. Learn from her. When you get married, in my opinion that is the time to give yourself and all you have into her control. If she wants control of the finances, she should have it. I have never regretted my wife getting absolute financial control. It gives her a tremendous amount of power over me, but I trust her and respect the power she has. I would not want it any other way. If your girlfriend does take over, believe me, it will give her a level of control over you that you may at times wish she didn’t have, and it will put you at her mercy more than you know. But, overall, I firmly recommend it.
It seems like all the other husbands of this forum still hold on to some level of control in this area, except for me.

Surrendering Too Much, Going Too Far?
All my money goes directly into my wife’s personal checking account. I have no access to it. In our state, if a spouse dies, the surviving spouse gets a year’s support from the estate without the worry of probate or anything else.
About signing your house over to your wife:
You may be able to do that without a lawyer. All you need is a quit claim deed. Sign it over to her, then go to the courthouse and have it recorded. When I had to sign mine over to my wife, she did have a lawyer friend of hers provide her with the deed. I signed it and we both went to the courthouse to record it. It was not difficult or expensive at all.
I know a few husbands on this site disagree, but I think the wife having full and final financial control of all assets is very important. You can’t be fully submissive if you can control any aspect of the finances. Yes, it is a tough thing to give up, but the feeling of being completely under your wife’s authority is well worth it.
I think, however, if I had been “screwed” by an ex-wife or two, I would certainly take steps to protect myself. I also acknowledge that my wife could “screw” me over. If she did, I am sure I wouldn’t let any other woman do it again, if I could help it. But I have total trust in my wife, total.
Does your wife control your money? From what I have seen posted, I am one of the few men [on this forum] who seems to have no zero control in this area and who is forced to live on whatever allowance his wife decides is best for me.
Of course, she could take everything we have. In my mind, it all belongs to her anyway. She is free to do as she pleases with it. If she took it all and left me, I could survive. But I trust her to do right by me. If she doesn’t, it will be because she doesn’t want to. That is her decision, and I will live by it.
Let’s face it, odds are you will die before your wife, as most men do. You do not want her to be alone with no experience in finances. Even men who are not man enough to submit to their wives should arrange to have them in control of the money, or at least equal partners so she will be able to carry on without them.
Yes, money is power. If your wife controls it, she has that power. You have to trust her. I do. But she does as she pleases with the money. Most of the time I don’t even know what that is. My biggest financial problem is trying to figure a way to persuade her to give me an extra $5 a week for my small allowance and to avoid her reducing it if I fail to please her. I consider myself lucky to have such a small problem.
Final Thoughts
If your wife does not want complete financial control, you should not force it. The idea is to do whatever she wants. But regardless, it should evolve to where you don’t spend any money other than your allowance without her approval. Meanwhile, she should evolve to the point where she knows she need not ask or seek your permission for anything.
We have to remember all this is about doing what our wife wants, not what we want. If she wants you to handle the finances, then that is a duty you owe her—part of your submission to her will. In any marriage one partner is usually better suited to handling the money and that partner should be the one who has most of the responsibility (provided the wife wants it that way). If your wife wants you to handle the finances, you should.
I personally don’t think any freedom you give up to favor your wife and increase your service to her should be left to fantasy. Move forward in your submission and don’t be afraid to give her all the control she wants.
(End of Two-Part Posting)
*Selected Comments:
 Ms. Kathy:
“Thank you, sweetie, for a very nice posting. There are some things in life that make me angry. One of the things that makes me very angry is when a man tells a wife that he wants to submit to her authority, but then places limits on the way he will submit. A man with too much money in his pocket is a problem waiting to happen.”
Carl:
“In my opinion, forcing someone to give up control by denying him release is not a real choice; it is blackmail. And I definitely agree that it is a wise decision to not grant your girlfriend financial control. She could run away with all your money.”
Anonymous:
“My girlfriend manages my finances. We aren’t married (yet) and she makes a point to differentiate between manage and control. She set up two bank accounts for me. My name is on the account, but she has signature authority over them. She is the only one that knows the online passwords.
“I have a debit card for one account. We keep $250 in this account, and it’s primarily for emergency situations. Also, if I need to buy a big dollar item, something like airline tickets, she will transfer the money into the account to cover the cost.
“My direct deposit goes into the other account. While it’s still my account in name, I am not allowed access to it. She decides how it is to be spent. My portion of the bills is paid from this account as are my various loan payments (I still have car and student loan payments).
“Every Monday, she gives me $100 in cash. But then every Monday evening, we go out and have dinner with three to four of her girl friends. They all know about our relationship, and it’s sort of a little ritual we have. She’ll order something simple for me (a soup or salad) and I basically wait as they eat their meals and socialize. She’ll signal me when it’s my time to leave, and I’ll pay the bill, then go wait in the car.
“My allowance is really what’s left over from the $100 after paying for their dinners. It usually ends up being around $20 per week. Sometimes she’ll encourage them to break their diets and order desserts. When she does that, I usually have to use money saved from the previous week to pay the restaurant bill. One time I didn’t have enough surpluses from the previous week and had to use the debit card. She docked my allowance the two following weeks to replenish it.
“She does occasionally take liberties with how she manages my money. For example, she has occasionally informed me that I’ve ‘treated’ her and one of her friends to a session at the day spa. Then she’ll point out that I spent the past three days at work so they could enjoy a couple hours of relaxation.
“You’ve advised against allowing girlfriends financial control. But in my case, prior to her taking over, my finances were in the crapper (I was wasting money and was habitually late on credit cards and stuff). I’m also young enough that even if she does take everything, it’s not as if I’ve got a whole lot of time invested in it. And like you and your wife, I really have no reason to not trust her. She seems to enjoy doing things to remind me how much control she has over me. And her enjoyment is what I have found ends up making me the happiest.
“I also believe that since she owns my time, my employer is really paying her to have me work there.”

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