Bulletin! Russian Plot To Enable Americans To Think

This Just In From The Garlic

CNN: Special Counsel Robert Mueller has filed first charges in Russia investigation
Breaking (from CNN): First charges filed in Mueller investigation  The American Ministry of  The Mundane has presented evidence from an unimpeachable source - a Russian pimp who has asked for sanctuary from Putin's Gulag - that indicates numerous Russian inspired presentations of  critical thought seen on TV applied to the American Democratic System which is based on the least thought possible.
" We must rally around the flag as never before" said former presidents Obama and Bush in a joint statement made while holding hands  " and stop this attack on American political ignorance before it goes any further and causes more harm to sales of  guns, pet food , birth control and narcotic pills and the artificial intelligence that makes our colleges and universities expensive and useless, in the tradition of our founding fathers who had to get slaves to write the constitution because their hands were so bloody from beating their wives, boyfriends and gender fluid pets  the document would have looked awful with all that blood on it."
The shocking news caused an immediate cessation of the war on terror in the middle east to  focus all american power on the war on consciousness being waged all over the world, especially in  New York, Los Angeles, Tel Aviv, and Hoboken New Jersey.
Stay Tuned!!!