Is anyone else flabbergasted that there are still diets?

They've been around since the national turnover to artificial food in the 60s and none of them have worked. None. Most fail instantly, others work for a bit, then fail, and others aren't even diets, but products: EAT THIS PILL AND LOSE WEIGHT*

*if you eat right and exercise as well, that is**

**which will cause weight loss anyway***

***but really it's the special pill****

****we swear!

Every year, though, there's a bunch of new diets, just waiting to not work for every single person who tries them. Hilarious.

If you were heavier than you wanted to be and are no longer, you aren't on a diet (unless you gain the weight back later, in which case you are).

Also, I was listening to NPR and the food nazis were talking about how we should tax sugary drinks like pop since by 2030 or something every single American will be obese. They have environmental concerns, you see. So many enormous people all crowded together on the same side of the earth will actually knock the planet out of alignment, and the whole fucking thing will flip over, causing both metric and standard shitloads of chaos. It will be especially hard for Santa, who will find himself perplexed on the bottom of the globe.

The funny thing about this is that the vast majority of overweight people drink diet pop and sugar-free drinks.

Fucking Americans. How do we work?