Ten ways to improve the already awesome Gone Riffin’

More improvisation

I feel that Rich and Abed follow their script too rigidly. I want to hear more crazy, off-the-wall improvisation, preferably featuring dead and/or possibly dying celebrities, the benefits of jarts, movie screenplay pitches, lovemaking advice columns, unpopular condiments and gamehows from hell. 

Abed should stop talking over Rich

Let the man talk already!

Introduce a third host

I think we all agree that you need more than two hosts to make a hit show. They should introduce a third character/host. Maybe someone hip and edgy like Poochy, the wisecracking dog that enlivened moribund Simpsons dramaturgical dyad Itchy and Scratchy. I wonder what Poochy is up to right now?

Female guests

You’re batting zero for zero – or whatever sporting analogy fits here; in Australia we don’t have baseball and gridiron, only cricket and rugby.

Particularly as, according to your latest figures, women make up 90 per cent of your listeners.

Remove the fourth wall Does Rich need to suddenly go to the crapper? Tell us all about it!

Less references to “balls” Or should that be “fewer” references to balls?

Wacky sound effects

Like a drum roll or that musical instrument that goes “wah-wah”. Maybe even a kazoo. Wacky sound effects also tell us when we are allowed to laugh.

A comedy bibliography at the end of each episode that explains the origin of each joke and why it was funny

Could the title “Gone Riffin'” even be some type of pun itself?

Merchandising

You need to release Rich and Abed action figures just in time for Christmas. Sure to fly off the shelves!

Make the show three hours long each week

With intermission, so people can grab a coffee or go to the crapper (that’s what you call it in America, isn’t it?). Without an intermission Lawrence Of Arabia would never have won all those Oscars … and would have been primarily remembered for making the bladders of all those Academy members explode.

My military thriller Game Of Killers: The Spartan is out now as an ebook and paperback.