Fall from Grace (poem)

 

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all at once I was fifteen feet below

kicking, flailing, lungs on fire

I was dropped in the middle of the ocean

after I fell to my humanity from heaven

lead weights of betrayal around my ankles

black water all around me

I could see the sunlight just beyond the surface

turning the water above my head green

Deals with God, please don’t let me die

Deals with Devil, please don’t send me back

I found pockets of oxygen

in the beds of other men, begging them

please don’t send me away

then, I would depart on my walk of shame

down their driveway

kicking my way up

I’d used my youth, and my youth was used

and my face, and my dreams, and my body

as I discovered the truth about me

I was needy, and hungry, and lonely

and terribly insecure

I accepted these things

and the shackles one by one, broke

I kicked hard, to the surface

black spots dancing before my eyes

brain screaming at me to take a lungful

of water

the familiar taste of salt from the sea

my heart beat, thumped, railed, against

it’s steel cage – a lone drummer’s insurrection

freedom was inches from my face

until finally I crashed through that membrane

and all at once, I was free

sweet air, lungfuls, belly breaths

til all at once i came back to me

there I was floating on my back

face skyward – all alone on the sea