Beta Mummy’s Guide to Life
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Right then. Unexpectedly I am pitching a non fiction book while I work on my literary things (that is, while I write book four and wait on book three – the order of which could change in ten minutes); anyway…it’s about parenting and it’s a bit different…
It’s a big hug
It’s rude and irreverent
It’s a takedown for any snarky competitive parenting or mummy groups that have gone cold and evil
It’s all sorts. I am not an expert* but I offer you…
Beta Mummy’s Guide to Life
This is a book that takes you from getting pregnant to hoping they don’t get someone up the duff when they’re sixteen. It’s a book that focuses on letting go of things, too and of paying attention to the ridiculous pressures that parenting can put you under – and I speak of perceived external pressures. Financial and emotional.
AND I SHOULD LIKE YOUR HELP. CONTRIBUTE THROUGH THE COMMENTS SECTION ONLY. And I want rude, funny and out there and anonymous and anyone who has a right go at the woman she thought was giving her a funny look on the school run, will be deleted. I want this book to be cheeky, but cheerful; life-enhancing and joyous.I will publish the comments to the page, but you can ask me not to – although bear in mind I might want to include them in the book, all distinguishing features edited.
I want your very worst anecdotes on parenting at whatever stage.Your funniest material, but if you can, point out what you took from it; what you’d want to pass on to others. So get ready. ANECDOTES NOT ESSAYS, MY LOVELIES.
Here’s roughly what’s in the book to give you a guide.
Pregnancy. Also Fertility problems
Miscarriage
Afterwards
You
Babies
Difficult feelings ands postnatal depression
Toddlers
Groups
School runs
THEMUMMIES
Whatsapp groups
You’re in, you’re out
Sadness
Prejudice
Sex, lust and rediscovering the erotic
Facts of life
Gender, sexuality and gender identity
Faith and belief
School problems
Finding a mentor – for you or your offspring
Grandparents and extended family
Building a family when you’ve not got one
Community
School refusal
Social media: them
Social media: you
Parties – oh please
Christmas and other festivities
What to do when you can’t cope
Cake wankers and slut muffins
Secondary school
Autonomy
Does it matter? Miscellaneous. This is a sort of ‘fuck it’ chapter.
Conclusion and a big and mighty hug to send you on your way
Disclaimer. All similarity to anyone living, dead or pontificating in a playground right now is pretty much accidental.Warning. Contains frank descriptions of sex, difficulty and rather a lot of swearing, imaginative as it might be.
*Oh yeah. I said I’m not an expert. But I got you this.
Three kids, including a mighty age gap between two and three
One hideous birth; two that were screamy but fine
Eleven miscarriages and rather horrible invasive testing (I found it so – but I’m mighty thankful now)
I had postnatal depression very badly. It took a lot, that. I also have a complex history of mental health problems – OCD, depression, generalised anxiety and I’ve even managed a couple of dissociative episodes on the school run. Which was nice.
School refusal, swot-pants and dyslexia.
Secondary English teacher and one to one tutor
Mental health champion, service user, young people’s mental health advocate and former pastoral tutor, Head of Year 7, transition co-ordinator, GCSE examiner, and PSHE teacher.
Rather a lot of bereavement experience. I was orphaned by 19, lads. I was also a carer in my teens, though not all the time.
I’ve seen and experienced a lot of things that no child or adolescent should – but you can look at my first book, Killing Hapless Ally, for that.
Loving you, I really do,
Beta Mummy. xxxxx
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