How I Fed Your Mother

“Kids, I’m going to tell you an incredible story. The story of how I fed your mother.”

Fourteen eyes stared at me, and I knew I had their full attention. The scouts were sitting around the fire, close to our tents on the center of the forest clearing. Millions of twinkling diamonds scattered across the black velvet Oregon sky. The waxing moon tinted the woods with a dreamlike silver patina.

The perfect night for a creepy story.

“It was dark, and it was cold, and it was exactly one month ago.” I began, in my best spooky voice. “We came to this forest with Danny, my childhood friend, and we set our camp not far from here, closer to the lake, the same lake we went to see this morning with you, kids.”

And I told them how Danny and I had dinner around the fire, and how we talked and told jokes, and went to sleep in our tents, and how Danny’s screams woke me up in the middle of the night. I told them how I got out of my tent and saw Danny dissapear into what I thought it was a hole in a big tree... and how I watched in horror those pale, throbbing tentacles holding the bleeding arms and legs ripped from my friend’s body.

A few of the younger kids were scared already, but the rest seemed unsensitized to that gory stuff. Of course, these days they can find worse things in the net and in their video games.

Time to crank the things up a bit. I poked the fire and went on, raising my voice for dramatic effect.

“And I knew I was in the presence of the Mother of the Woods… She stood before me, like a giant twisted spruce made of eyes and antlers and tree branches and mouths and black fur and horns and reptile scales and hooves, oh God those hundreds of hooves clicking on the ground… And I saw Danny’s bones hanging from Her huge maw… What could I do? What would you have done, kids? I prayed to Her, that’s what I did. I didn’t know if She could understand me, but I fell on my knees and begged her to spare me, please, I cried, spare me and I will bring you a much better sacrifice. I threw myself on the dirt and pleaded to Her, don’t eat me, Mother, I want to serve you forever.”

At this point I was yelling hysterically. I paused and poked the fire again. Now all the kids were watching me, waiting, holding their breath. Good, good.

“And then, those white tentacles dropped Danny’s broken pieces to the ground with a sickening, liquid noise, and wrapped around my waist and my chest... With great force they raised me from the ground and pulled me up, closer and closer, and then pushed me inside Her maw, and I thought it was the end.”

The kids were frightened now, I could tell, but I didn’t want them to break into tears. I tried to decompress a bit.

“But I am here now, right?” I asked them with a smile. “Do you want to hear the end of the story?”

A few of them nodded. Only a few.

“The Mother of the Woods didn’t devour me. My body passed through Her, slowly, as in a dream. And I wasn’t scared anymore, because I could feel Her love, how She cared for me and how She was feeding me as I was feeding her. I was Her food, and She was nurturing me.”

I let them think about it for a moment.

“And then, I felt how She was birthing me, how I was emerging from Her body, and how Her hooves moved out of the way to make room for my reborn form. Soon it was over. I laid there, covered in slime and looking at my Mother as She turned around and disappeared into the forest. I could hear Her voice in my head as She walked away. And Her voice whispered to me, ‘remember your promise’.”

I paused again, fighting the tears.

“I buried the remains of my friend, with his tent and all his things, deep in the forest. And I erased all my tracks, and told the police and Danny’s family a bunch of lies. What could I have told them, kids? The truth?”

I took a deep breath and calmed myself a bit.

“And that, kids, is how I fed your Mother”, I said, and went silent.

One of the older kids said, “But you said that monster was YOUR mom! Not mine! Or from any of us!” A few of the kids laughed and one howled, “Your mom is a monster! Hahahahaha!”

I stayed silent until their laughter died, and then said, “Seems that you didn’t understand the point of the story, kids. She is the Mother of the Woods. And the Mother of everything, and everyone, who walks in the forest! My Mother, your Mother, yours, and yours too!” I pointed at them as I said it, but they kept giggling and looking at me with mocking grins.

I slowly removed my hiking boots and stood there, next to the fire. I wasn’t wearing socks, and it only took them a few seconds to understand what they were seeing.

“Now, kids, it’s time for Mother’s goodnight kiss.”

I clicked my hooves on the ground, and from the edge of the clearing, Mother answered.

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This is a chapter from Cooking With Lovecraft: Supernatural Horror In The Kitchen by Miguel Fliguer, available in paperback and Kindle here.